Serendipity
by ToniLOVESjolie
Summary: After a string of apparent murders, natalie finds herself going undercover with a new detective by the name of John McBain,will they be able to put personal feelings aside for the case or risk losing everything? THERE WILL BE A PART THREE COMING SHORTLY!
1. Chapter 1

**Serendipity** is a propensity for making fortuitous discoveries while looking for something unrelated.

Chapter One

Natalie tossed in her bed as her phone rang and vibrated simotaniously with her boyfriend, waking them both from a drowsy sleep..

"Crap, you gotta be kidding me" Natalie began as she grabbed at her phone, she knew this came with being a cop and that as a cop she never really slept but tonight was different, she had drank a bit too much, sang kareoke and just had a good time on her day off.."Buchanan" she said sleepily, for them to be calling her on her day off this had to be bad, and the fact that her boyfriend, err friends with benefits was more like it, Cris was being called as well..

She glanced at him, taking in his beauty, he looked exceptionally hot in a pair of black boxer briefs, they clung to every delicious inch of his body.. His hair was short and cropped almost like a military cut but he had a bit more on top, his body which was blessed from numerous trips to the gym, she had almost forgotten she was on the phone..

"Are you listening, get your ass down here now" the police officer on the other end yelled..

"You said at the Angel square motel" she repeated back the information mainly cause her day dreaming of the man in the room with her distracted her, she caught bits and pieces, not good, distraction is always bad..

The look on Cris's face was distressed as he grabbed at his clothes..."this isnt good, the Mayor is already down there" he said as he frantically got dressed..

"The mayor, why?" she felt embarassed that she hadnt given her full attention to the officer on the phone, no more sleepovers she told herself, she had to have her head in the game..

"His daughter? Didnt they tell you...she is dead" Natalie felt her body go numb, she knew the mayors daughter, they had gone to school together but it had been years since they really spoke, just an occasionaly hi, here and there..

Bridget Connors, class valevictorian, cheerleader, soon to be medical student..

"Nat, you ok?" Cris finally asked as Natalie stood there shocked for a minute, she couldnt let personal feelings get in the way, not in this line of duty..

"Yeah, i ... i went to school with her thats all" she shook off the feeling and began to get dressed quickly, Bridget Connors dead, it was shocking..

" Im sorry" was all he said and she continued to get dressed..

The crime scene looked like one out of a crime show, police tape lined everywhere, forensics was there, lined up outside, news media rounding up already, it was a mad house as Natalie made her way past everyone, shooing off the news reporters as she made her way into the motel, the angel square motel, now what in the hell would she be doing in the motel, definitely not a place she frequented, not Bridget Connors..

It wasnt hard to find out where it happened, she followed the voices, looking on the ground as she did so, one door was surrounded by people, she hated this part, as much as she loved being a cop it still bothered her to see people laying dead before her, especially those she knew of..

She stepped in for a second and immediately covered her mouth as she took in the horrific scene before her..

"Natalie... Natalie hey this is Detective McBain" her Uncle the commisioner came rushing over to her and Natalie had to glance from the scene up to her uncle and the man walking with him, she wanted to roll her eyes, she had heard all about him..

His name was Bigshot McBain, or atleast thats what she called him in her head, he was an Atlantic City Officer, well known for many cases he closed and also for his shitty personality, she had heard he made an officer cry once just by looking at him..It was rumored that he was leaving good ole AC to work in Lanview, oh joy!

She kind of laughed to herself as he walked over, he wasnt what he was cracked up to be, funny how the description of him from fellow officers made him taller and heavier, he definitely wasnt neither..

Maybe 6 foot tall, average...180 lbs, again average... long dark hair and great blue eyes, and a sarcastic cocky look in his eye as he walked up to her, definitely average..

"Your kidding me right" John said with a sarcastic laugh as him and his boss neared the red head, one of their best detectives, wow this place was definitely in trouble..

"excuse me" Natalie said quickly as she looked at him, what a jackass..

"Nothing sweetheart, im John" he rolled his eyes and she fought the urge to punch him in the face..

"I thought you'd be bigger" she laughed sarcastically and he smirked.."you know to fit that ego"

"everything that needs to be big,... is, believe me sweetheart" he grinned and she rolled her eyes..

"Ok ok, i see you two are off to a wonderful start " Bo said with annoyance.."But we have a suicide on our hands" he began and Natalie snapped from her thoughts immediately, suicide, what!

"Im sorry what, she...she did this to herself" Natalie said with shock as she looked at the body, multiple stab wounds, arms slashed, she was in a pool of her own blood, suicide? "Are you out of your mind" she snapped at her uncle..

"Oh did you miss that chapter in your textbook, when someone leaves a suicide note" John began and she shot him a nasty look..

"There's a note" she said towards her uncle, there is no way someone could do this to themselves..

"Not exactlly" Bo shook his head as he pointed to the television that depicted just what happened, play by play..

"Oh my god" natalie moved closer to the tv, shocked at what she saw..

"I say its clever as hell" John began and she spun around..

"Excuse me Detective McBain but someone was just ...just...someone just died" she finally spit out, aggravated that he would joke at a moment like this, her thoughts flashed to Bridgets father, the mayor, he would be devestated, he would want answers..

"Oh dont get your panties in a bunch sweetie" she had it as she walked right up to him, first noticing his size, ok so he was a big bigger right up close..

"enough ok.."Bo stepped in then looked at John as if he held all the answers, it made Natalie sick.."Clever, how?"

"well Commish" John smiled some and moved past Natalie and towards the tv.."when was the last time you heard of someone taping their own suicide, i mean you could either be looking for some serious attention which by the looks of her, Mmmmm she already had that" He smirked a bit and Natalie huffed..

"Can you not be a fucking pervert, do you have any morals" Natalie snapped, she hated guys like this, McBain was definitely everything she had heard..

"Well if you would let me finish sweetheart" he smiled..

"Stop calling me that" she balled up her fists, he was trying to entice a fight in her and he was going to get one..

"wow are all the officers as emotional as her cause if they are commish" John began with a smirk..

"Natalie go outside" Bo said quickly and Natalie couldnt believe her ears, was she being told to go outside, like a child..

"What,outside?" she began with a huff.."Your kidding"

"Natalie just go wait outside" Bo said quickly..."Now" he asserted his authority and she gasped as she spun around, wounded..

Cris came over, a look of concern on his face..."Not now Cris" she said sternly as she stormed past him and towards her car..

She hated being embarassed infront of her fellow workers, she had a hard enough time proving herself day and day out cause she was the Commisioners neice, and she was a Buchanan, some people thought she was just a rich spoiled brat but she worked hard for everything she got, she even refused help from her parents, she paid her own bills with her own money, she did for herself and sometimes sacraficed because of it..

Ever since natalie was adopted by the Buchanan's when she was 12 years old, she never took from them, she came from the hard streets of New York, she lived without things, they barely made it by, her and her brother Rex, and the alcoholic mother..

She knew how grateful she was for her Aunt and Uncle to take her and Rex in when their mother took off, leaving them stranded, she was just happy to have a roof over their heads..

Her cousin on the other hand, Jessica was nothing but a spoiled selfish brat, thinking of no one but herself, their friendship was short lived, Natalie was just a different kind of girl, she grew up fast, she didnt have time for baby bullshit or drama, and Jess was full of it even now at 24 years old, the same age as natalie..

"so is he here" one of her friends Gigi, a fellow officer came over snapping Natalie from her thoughts..

"who?" she said quickly..

"McBain...i hear he is in town" Gigi smiled and Natalie rolled her eyes, he was like a damn town celebrity..

"Oh that asshole" natalie spat out quickly..

"Really? I was hoping he wasnt" Gigi looked disappointed and then smiled bright when he came walking out with Bo.."Oh he is cute"

"still an asshole" Natalie spit out, he even walked like a smug asshole, it infuriated her..

"and who is this" John grinned as Gigi walked up, a huge smile on her face, an equally big one on his as he checked her out..

"Oh please" Natalie interjected sarcastically.. "Bo can we talk"

"Im Gigi...Gigi Balsam" she smiled as Natalie rolled her eyes..

"McBain, John Mcbain" John grinned and shook her hand as Natalie and her Uncle walked away..

"he's unprofessional" she spit out to her Uncle..

"He's a damn good detective Nat and we need him, you too" he said with seriousness in his voice..She contemplated saying more petty words about John but she held back, this was important..."i think we have a murder on our hands and if this is what i think it is" he stroked his brow.."then we have a serial killer on our hands"

Natalie's eyes got wide with surprise and confusion.." im not following you Bo, i saw the tv" and she had and even though this seemed cut and dry it was totally out of character for Bridget, she was the mayors daughter, a medical student, she was royalty around there and was treated as such..

"she is linked to the stripper murders" her eyes got wider...

"Murders, but Bo they killed themselves" and they had, almost 10 strippers over the last two years, but it was suicide, not murder and Bridget was not a stripper..

"Nat, listen to me...there was more tapes" Bo looked around making sure no one was in ear shot.."we have evidence that links her directly with them, we have to keep this quiet or we'll have a media frenzy on our hands, i need you and McBain to meet me back at my office, pronto" he walked away leaving a shocked natalie standing there..

"You heard the boss man" John came over and she looked him up and down..

"I dont like you" she spit out and he just smiled.." you might think your something but your not, so typical" she rolled her eyes and walked around to her car..

"It was nice meeting you too sweetheart" he called out and she bit her tongue as she got into her car and slammed the door shut, she had a million and one things going on in her head, If Bridget was linked to the Suicide Strippers and now Bo was saying it was murder, this could be insane, this could be the work of a serial killer, thats not what the city of Lanview needed..

It had been two years since the random suicides began, the first victum was Jenny Chambers, a troubled girl who began stripping at the ripe age of 18, she was locked up many times for lued behavior, found dead by hanging; second victim was Christina Harris, she began stripping after the birth of her daughter, a way to pay the bills and support her drug habit, only 22 death by overdose..Victim three was Bonnie brown, stripper by night, college student by day, paying off student loans, dead at 24 overdose, the list went on and on, 10 suicides, all seemed legit, all women fit the profile, just a coincidence, depression lead to suicide, case closed but now Bridget and she was linked to them, Natalie knew that could only mean one thing and it was startling, Bridget was a stripper too, the mayor would have a melt down, cause Natalie was sure he had no idea what she was doing in her spare time, no one did apparently..

See when you live in a big city like Lanview, things go unseen, people dont gossip like they do in small towns, the streets are filled with secrets..She would talk to Bo, she would find out the whole story, either way they had a hell of a case on there hands..

Natalie's mind went crazy with ideas that could be, the idea that a serial killer could be among them, how she had no idea but the look on Bo's face was a telling one, he looked frightened, and for Bo that was a rare thing..

By the time she got to Bo's office not only him and but John were getting out of their cars, Bo seemed to be rushing..

"Hurry up" Bo said as he flew past her and she followed quickly, this was huge..

Getting into his office she was slightly out of breath, so was he and in comes John strolling, she wanted to punch him in the chest and knock the wind out of him, that smug look on his face..

"Ok, close the door.." Bo said a bit frantically as he went through the papers on his desk..He pulled out a stack of files , slamming them on his desk as he thumbed through them, his eyes getting wider as he flipped through the pages..

"Bo what is going on" Natalie said quickly, she had never seen him this frantic before..

"I dont know how i didnt see this before" he said as he shook his head and John took a seat, a smile on his face, Natalie turned her attention back to her Uncle.."this is unbelievable" he said with a glance at John and Natalie turned to look at him, what the hell was going on..

"something didnt seem right to me, so i began checking things out, you see the toxicology report.. every woman had this in their system" John began, a satified look on his face..." now we'll have to wait for the tox report to come back on that girl but i would bet my life on it that we see this again and that could only mean one thing"

"she was murdered?" it all began to click in Natalie's head, she couldnt fathom it but it was seeming more and more like reality..

"bingo we have a winner" john said sarcasticlly..

"why is he here Uncle Bo" Natalie snapped, she had about enough of this childish crap.."what was on the tapes?"

"her dancing...provacitivley at a club" Bo began

"but it wasnt like one of your friday nights Red, she was doing it for money" John grinned..

"For money, why, she is the mayors daughter!" Natalie spat out, this was insane..

"I need to talk to the Mayor, this is going to be bad" Bo began to pace the office.."what am i going to say...how am i going to say it" he shook his head..

"alot of girls who have prominant father figures strip, its like a daddy complex thing" John began..

"Can you just shut up for one minute" Natalie snapped at him..

"Listen both of you, we have something huge on our hands so whatever anamocity you have towards one another you better just drop it now" Bo yelled and Natalie and John immediately shut up and looked at him.."Your going to be working closely together"

"what?" they both said in shocked unison..

"we have a serial killer on our hands, look at this" Bo began making marks on a map that was on his wall..."the first one started here...the second...third" he said frantically as he drew circles around different towns..."the media cant find out, no one can, not until we catch the son of a bitch" he continued to draw circles.."Here... this is the next place, he has a god damn pattern" Bo said with amazement as he looked at the map and the pattern of supposed suicides, the time frame..."its right here, the son of a bitch is going to strike here next" he pointed at a part of the map that was in downtown Lanview, a large circle of deaths now on the map in the shape of what resembled a heart..

"Oh my god" Natalie said with shock as she looked at the map, it almost looked like a perfect heart except for one place open, this was unreal..

"well it looks like Lanview has its very own serial killer, never thought i would see the day" John said sarcastically.."I mean AC, yeah i get it but lanview, this place is nothing compared to the magnitude of AC, this is the boonies , no offense Boss"

Bo shot him a look.."None taken...but now we have to get working, and what i say today doesnt leave this office"

Bo looked completely serious and stern as he closed the curtains of his office..."were going in"

"In...we...huh?" Natalie said quickly and John laughed loud..

"wow it takes you awhile to catch on huh Red, sure your not blonde under that red hair, does the carpets match the drapes" He grinned..

"You son of a " natalie began as Bo cut her off..

"Ok just settle down... McBain, enough.." Bo said sternly..

"Well your not really going to make me work with her?" John said with a puzzled look on his face..

"Oh no,... you know what Bo...no" Natalie said quickly, the realization of what was about to take place was hitting her fast and quick..

"I didnt ask either of you what you wanted, your the best undercovers i have, and frankly Natalie your the only one who could pull this off" she wanted to feel proud by his words, honored but she felt sick..

"Your joking right, she is a mere child" John began..

"Excuse me, i am not no child McBain" Natalie snapped and john looked her up and down..

"A child stuck in a womans body" he rolled his eyes at her..."Bo let me just take care of this, i have the training, i could get someone" John began and Bo cut him off..

"No, i asked you here cause Lanview could use your skills and natalie here is the best undercover female we have" Bo began and Natalie smiled and shot John a nasty look..

"Not reassuring boss" John shook his head..

"well i am honored Bo, I am ready and willing" she shot a look at John who was about to make a snide remark... "I will do whatever you ask" this could be her way of proving herself to everyone, showing them what she was really capable of even if Bo thought she was the best, it warmed her heart..

"well go get a good night sleep cause tomorrow your starting a new career, tomorrow your going to be a stripper" he finished as natalie looked at him shocked, she definitely wasnt expecting that, John just laughed and shook his head..

"Oh this is going to be fun" he grinned..

"a strip...i mean dancer?" Natalie began, her heart racing, she had done many undercover cases, mainly drug busts but a stripper, never, how does one even do that, how do they become one?

"oh you can call it a stripper Red"John smiled...

"Natalie i know you can do this, i have faith in you" Bo began and she wished she could feel as confidant as her uncle but John laughing to himself just egged her on, she could do this, she would do this and she would show him..

"Ok, im in" she said confidently without giving John a second thought..


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Natalie didnt get a wink of sleep that night, granted she had broken sleep to start with and by the time she walked into her apartment it was already 5 am, well after everything that had happened in the few short hours that she was gone, she knew things were about to change drastically..

She couldnt stop thinking about Bridget, the supposed murders, her going undercover, and not just any undercover job but a stripper, then there was John, what a smug bastard he was, he lived up to his reputation, she knew his type, brooding cop, egotistical, obsessive, most likely commitment phobic, emotionally handicapped, probably an underlying alcohol problem, he was a pathetic case and now he was in Lanview and trying to act as if he ran the place, and Bo was letting him, that irked her, Bo wasnt always like that, Bo use to have a mind and a backbone, age and politics were destroying him..

She had researched all she could online about Strippers, and the idea bothered her, it made the feminist in her scream out, on one hand she was totally against women being strippers, it was demoralizing, it played into a man's hand, dancing for money, she hated the idea but then she thought about the power it must give women, and how they could of choose prostituting themselves but Strippers were just dancing for money, there was worse things one could do for money..

She raked her mind, how could she pull this off, how could she enter this world of dancing provacitively for money, how could she just forget her own morals and do this, even if it was for a good cause, to find this son of a bitch..

But she had to do this, she had to prove herself to well, herself, and to that smug sarcastic cop, McBain and everyone else like Mcbain..

She took a quick shower to freshen up before she was to stop at work and hear all the details of what was to take place, and how John fit into all of this, and most inportantly what kind of training was she going to recieve cause you always recieved training and briefings before going undercover but she had no idea what was in store for her, cause this was unlike any case she had ever done..

She watched the news as she got ready, staring at the tv as she sipped on her coffee, a tearful Mayor desperately trying to hold himself together as he spoke of the passing of his daughter, shortly after his speech a number came up for the suicide hotline and Natalie felt her stomach cringe, Bo didnt think this was a suicide at all but she couldnt say anything, it could interfere with the case but it still tore her up inside to keep this to herself even if she was more than honored that Bo picked her to help with this, it made her smile..

Walking into work she ran almost immediately into Cris who had a somber look on his face as he neared her, it had been almost two months since they began sleeping together, it was after a kidnapping case, she had gone out to celebrate and one thing led to another, and after one too many drinks they found themselves back at Natalie's place, in her bed..

It was simple, not complicated but a secret no less, to everyone else they were just friends, and she liked it that way, she didnt have time for a relationship, nor did she want one at the present time, Cris was just what she needed..

"You doing alright Natalie" he asked as he handed her a cup of coffee and part of her wanted to scream out and tell him of the news but she would have to keep that to herself for now..

"yeah im ok, just a long night" she began as she sipped her coffee and then glanced at her Uncles office, she could see McBain inside talking away, did he ever shut up, Cris glanced at the door then back at her..

"He's something else huh" Cris said quickly, an edge to his voice as if he wasnt liking the new detective either..

"Yeah...something, i'll talk to you later" she moved past him, making a bee line for her Uncles office, both heads turning as she opened the door..

"Its about time" Mcbain glanced at his watch then back at her and she bit her tongue as she closed the door and went over to her Uncle..

"were still waiting on the tox report, but we have all the videos on lock down as far as the public is concerned this is just another suicide" he said softly as he thumbed through some files.."Natalie i need you to go meet with this man, his name is Devon Carter he is a makeup artist, he is going to help us tranform you into Peaches" a small laugh left Johns lips and Natalie ignored it.."here is everything you need to know about her, study her, get to know her, for the next few weeks your going to be her" Bo handed her a heavy file and Natalie swallowed hard, then Bo looked to John.."You already know what you need to do, once Natalie here is transformed you both head to Tracers and apply for the job"

Natalie felt overwhelmed, for the first time in what seemed like forever she felt scared though she didnt show it..

"I did some research online about Dancers" Natalie began as John smirked..

"strippers" he interjected..."and unless you were researching how to pole dance"

"Bo, im sorry but does he really have to work on this" Natalie finally spit out, she definitely couldnt see herself working with this asshole..

"Thats cute Red or may i call you Peaches" John grinned sarcastically..

"Listen, both of you, i know this is awkward but its life and your both going to have to deal with it and make it work cause from today on your a couple, John your the overprotective bartender boyfriend and Natalie, well you know, i cant have you both letting personal feelings get involved, here is the address of the motel your staying in" he handed John a piece of paper as the reality began to sink into Natalie, she was speechless..

"I wont let you down boss" John began and then he looked to Natalie.."I can only speak for myself"

"This will be a cake walk" Natalie said smugly even though she totally didnt believe that.."I will bring down this son of a bitch"

John looked her up and down and a small chuckle left his lips...

Bo looked at them both, he almost seemed to want to reconsider but he handed Natalie another folder.."here is everything you need to know on the case, read it, memorize it, and take a few days to get into character, i will be in touch"

John looked to Natalie and grinned..."You ready to go darling"

Natalie just spun around without another word and headed out of the office, this was going to be way harder then she imagined..

She made her way to the car, files in hand..."hey...wait" John yelled and she rolled her eyes as she kept walking..."I said wait" he yelled again as he caught up with her and she spun around..

"Listen McBain i may have took your crap in Bo's office but lets get one thing straight here, this is my town, my people, consider yourself a guest and be happy that Bo even gave you the time of day, i wont take shit from you anymore, this is a case, one that i plan on solving so either you adjust that attitude of yours or drop yourself out of this case, there is a murder on our hands and i don't have time for games" she snapped as he stood there, his head cocked a bit then he began laughing..

"wow you really are a little firecracker, i mean i heard about red heads" he began and she jumped into her car.."You know in order for this to work"

"In order for this to work your going to have to get out of my way unless you want to be run over" she was serious too as she looked at him..

"I will see you at the motel by 6pm" he backed up some, he could of kept this going but he had things to prepare for and if she wanted to be like this then so be it this was a redneck kind of town anyway, he was more of a city guy but the pay was decent and he needed a change of scenery..

John made his way to his car, he had been in town for a total of two days now, already going undercover and with a Buchanan Princess, oh yeah he had heard about the Buchanan's, he knew all about Natalie, she seemed to try and live her life differently then the others in her family but when it came down to it she was still a Buchanan and he wasnt about to take any crap from her or anyone..

He had been a loner for years just going through the motions of life with a bottle of alcohol by his side but he wasnt always like this, life changed him, it messed with him, it made him see that bad things happen to good people all the time, people die before their time and sometimes your best is not enough to save the one you love, it was a fact of life..

Natalie rushed home, she had to get her head in the game, McBain was trying to push her buttons and make her break and she was not going to allow that, she couldnt afford to, she would just have to beat him at his own game, but pulling up to the apartment complex she saw a familiar car, it was Cris, first off how did he get there so fast and why was he there?

She got out of her car and headed towards the door and there he was, walking over to her..

"Cris?" she asked with confusion, it wasnt like him to just show up at her place like this..

"I saw you were in a heated conversation before, with the new detective" he ran his hand over his face.."I was concerned" his concern made a small smile curve her lips..

"Concerned? Im fine" she said quickly, she couldnt just stand here and stare at him, she had things to prepare..

"wait...Nat" he touched her arm as she was moving past him, and it made her stop.."You know, i know that we said we werent going to do this"

"do what?" she cocked her head at him..

"I feel like a teenager" Cris said with embarassment and Natalie's eyes got wide.."you know i was just thinking that i like you, alot"

Natalie swallowed hard, she really didnt have the time for this conversation.."Cris you dont have to" she wanted to stop him before he said anything else..

"Please, i do... I just dont see what the harm is , you know with us becoming more, i dunno...exclusive" he swallowed the lump in his throat as he looked at her.. "I mean we've had fun right, and now this case" he began and she cut him off..

"Im sorry what...what case?" she asked quickly, suddenly not liking where this conversation was going at all..

Cris moved closer.."I know about you and McBain,... Bo told me"

"He told you!" she was quite angry, he said he wasnt telling anyone..

"Wait, just hear me out, he was worried, he wanted me to be able to keep an eye on you, make sure that McBain doesnt mess with you too much, i can be your outside venter" he smiled softly and natalie fought the urge to slap him..

"He has you babysitting me! He doesnt think i can handle this, does he" she began to yell as Cris shook his head quickly..

"No,...not that at all" Cris tried to finish but Natalie cut him off..

"Oh i see,...wow... you must think i am some kind of idiot"she couldnt believe this, even her own uncle who put her on the case was having doubts already and she hadnt even begun.."so this whole exclusive thing is about me and McBain, i should of known" she walked past him..

"No, not just you and him, its just when you work so close with someone, i just want to know were not sleeping around" he finished and natalie spun around and faced him..

"So im a whore now who sleeps around" she couldnt believe this as she laughed..Cris tried to interject but she wouldnt let him.."You know what Cris, i will do you one better, how about this, dont worry about me, dont worry about what happens to me and who i take to bed cause me and you, this...this is nothing, understand, nothing!"

"Your taking this all wrong" Cris ran up to her and she pushed his chest hard, making him stumble..

"dont...dont touch me, ok...i am not your responsibility, i never have been, whatever this was that we had going on is done, you hear me, DONE" she yelled as she headed inside, leaving Cris standing in the parking lot , his feelings wounded..

Natalie packed her things quickly as she flipped through the file in her hand, she was still irate over Cris and trying to concentrate, she couldnt believe that he was worried about her and McBain, was he out of his mind, McBain irritated the shit out of her, she could barely stand being in the same room as him, and working this case with him was going to be a huge challenge..

She had quickly made an appointment with Devon Carter the makeup artist for the following day and she glanced at the address of the motel across town, not in a good part of town either,she had to get there and get herself in character, she wanted to have time before John showed up, she glanced at her watch again and then took off..

Pulling up to the motel Natalie took in her surroundings, it almost seemed like her childhood, run down, liquor stores on every corner, people walking the streets, it was amazing that this was actually part of Lanview, it didnt seem that way, it actually made her chest tighten as she looked around then glanced towards the motel, looking at the key in her hand, it was now or never, she jumped out, grabbed her bag and quickly made her way to the door, not wanting to spend much time outside as she stepped in and immediately saw she wasnt alone..

"what are you doing here?" she felt aggravated as she looked at him, sprawled out on the bed, his shoes still on, chips and beers next to him, the tv on, it was McBain..

"Good to see you too sweetheart" he grinned as he raised a beer at her and took a swig.."well are you gonna come in or what"

"why are you here" she slammed the door and dropped her bags.."I needed time" she began and he cut her off with a roll of his eyes..

"Get use to it sweetheart"

"stop calling me that"

"Ok sweetheart"

"Your unbelievable"

"and your a bitch but whose keeping a tally" he grinned and she shook her head..."here have one, maybe it will calm you down or something, your gonna ruin my buzz" he held a beer out..

"I dont like drinking while i work, its unprofessional" she walked past him, she wasnt going to be able to get anything done..

"wow, you seriously need one of these, or you need to get laid" he laughed..

"do girls find this attractive, this...this disgusting behaviour" she looked around at the room, finally noticing that it was small, very small, one bed, this was ridiculous..

"Havent had a complaint yet" he grinned..."is it not suitable for you princess"

"Oh its fine" she stood with her arms crossed.."but there is only one bed"

"I know, its comfy too" he grinned as he ran his hand on it..

"Ok well let me say this and maybe you will understand...there is one bed and im not sleeping in there with you" she shook her head with attitude and he smiled as he drank his beer..

"Ok suit yourself" he threw a pillow at her and it hit the floor as she gasped..

"excuse me!, you just threw a pillow at me?" she couldnt believe the balls on him..

"The floor will be uncomfortable without it" he looked back at the tv and she began shaking her head..

"Oh im not sleeping on the floor,...you are" she picked up the pillow and threw it back at him...

"You got me mistakened for someone else, someone who gives a shit, you will have to pry my cold dead body off this bed" he smirked and didnt budge..

"Thats it, im calling Bo" she grabbed for her phone..

"suit yourself, i already told him you werent right for the job, cant handle pressure" John said under his breath but loud enough for her to hear and she looked at him.."So go ahead, call him, let him know that i am refusing to sleep on the floor, your just like a child"

"a child! You know what, its fine...its totally fine, im a grown ass woman and i dont have time for games!" she snapped as she sat on the bed and gave him the evil eye..

"well thats good to know,...oh by the way just thought i would let you know that i sleep in the nude" he grinned as he slammed back the rest of his beer.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Natalie ignored John's presence in the room for the rest of the night as she looked over her files and soon he was snoring, loudly too as she glanced at him, well atleast he wasnt talking, he actually seemed ok when he was sleeping and now that she actually got to look at him without him verbally attacking her, he wasnt bad looking at all, actually he was pretty hot as he laid there, she wondered what really made him become the person he was today, it had to be something big, no one is born that way, your made that way by events in your life..

Natalie opened her laptop, knowing this was probably not a good idea she logged into her yahoo messenger and smiled when she saw Rex was online.. Rex was a good brother, they were incredibly close even if they didnt speak all the time, all they ever had was each other and after their mother left and they went to live with the relatives they only got closer..

Rex now 20 years old was running his own detective business with help from Aunt Vicki who funded his endeavor and he gratefully accepted, this was his dream, and he was a huge help to natalie in many of her cases even though she knew he didnt exactly play by the book..

**RedVixen : Rex you around?**

InspectorGadget: Holy crap Nat, how the heck are ya? Did you hear about the Mayors daughter, lol , im sure you have Robocop : )

Red Vixen: Yeah i heard and saw but thats not what i am writting you for, i have a question for you, i kind of need your help..

InspectorGadget: whatcha need Natty?

RedVixen: I need you to do a full background on someone for me, his name is John McBain, Detective John McBain...

InspectorGadget: oh crap, the John McBain, i heard he was coming to town, did you see him, meet him?

RedVixen: not you too Rex, listen i need a background on him

InspectorGadget: why? He's a cop Natty, you got the hots for him? Your not still messing with that other cop are you, the pretty boy lol

RedVixen: No, dont have the hots, i cant really tell you why, and geez why are you always in my business boy, dont you have an agency to run?

InspectorGadget: Im your brother, im always in your business...so is this some top secret crap or something?

RedVixen: or something... listen just get me all the info you can on him, go back as far as you can

InspectorGadget: ok, you know Natty its not right to look into some ones past, sometimes its the best place to keep it, you know that..

RedVixen: Rex i dont need a therapy section, can you help me or not?

InspectorGadget: damn calm down, im on it, will email you the results, when are we gonna chill, havent seen you in forever it seems

RedVixen: soon Rex, ok...i gotta go... love ya

InspectorGadget: Love ya too sis, and stay out of trouble !

Natalie closed her laptop quick as John began to move around some, she glanced at her watch, already 3 am, she glanced at the bed then leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes..

About an hour later Natalie awoke to a loud bang and she shot her eyes open only to find John hopping around on one foot while he mumbled curses to himself and she couldnt help but laugh..

"oh thats funny, huh" he grumbled as he hobbled into the bathroom and closed the door and she smiled..

"Whose the cranky one now" she grinned and then looked at the bed then back at the bathroom door and quickly she was hopping in the bed, she was gonna get some sleep tonight..

The sound of the bathroom door opening made her smile, she was gonna show him.."now the bed is mine" she said quickly and then her eyes got wide and she covered them fast, he was naked, totally and irrevicably naked!" damn it Mcbain!"

"I told you i sleep in the nude" she felt him slide into the bed and she jumped up.."what?"

"Damn it i was in the bed!" she snapped .."Pull the damn blankets on yourself" she turned again and her heart raced..

"you dont like what you see?" he grinned big

"Yes" she said quickly and then shook her head.."No, i mean No"

"But you said yes" he shook his head and raised his eyebrow and she turned red with embarassment..

"Your an ass" she moved back to the chair...

"The bed is more comfortable" he called from the bed and she rolled her eyes.."suit yourself but the bed is big enough for two"

"I wouldnt care if it was big enough for five" she snapped, tomorrow night this had to change, she needed to get sleep eventually..

That morning Natalie left swiftly while John slept, she had the address of Devon Carter in hand as she drove slowly, wondering if Bo had gotten the address wrong as she drove past abandon house after abandon house, she had never even really spoke to Devon when she made her appointment, it was more like his secretary and it was as if she was waiting on her call, weird..

She stopped infront of an old apartment complex and she looked at her sheet again, this was it, or atleast this was the address she had, she was weary to even get out of her car, the area looked deserted and creepy but she got out anyway, looking around as she made her way to the large wooden doors to the entrance of the building..

"Yeah what do you want" a jersey like female voice yelled through the intercom and Natalie jumped..

"Um...I have an appointment?" she said slowly and the door buzzed open and Natalie wearily went inside but much to her surprise the inside was immaculate compared to the outside, it looked like a museum, it made her breathless as she looked around wondering where to go now..

"Your late!" a voice called out in aggravation and Natalie jumped as a tall, slender, very well dressed middle aged man came walking around the corner.."I should just turn you away now" he said with attitude as Natalie stood there looking at this man..

"Im...sorry" she began as he walked around her, looking her up and down and touching her hair and with a huff and roll of his eyes he spun around, mumbling to himself..

"I dont have all day sweetheart, lets go" he yelled and Natalie quickly followed behind him..

John awoke to his phone ringing and vibrating as he groaned and swung his hand around, feeling for it..

"McBain" he groaned with his eyes still closed

"It's Bo, i need to talk to you, i have forensics going over all the files as we speak, they found something" Bo began and Johns eyes opened.."they were looking through crime scene photo's and every victim seemed to have what looked like a pin hole between their toes"

John sat up now, wide awake.."You think they were injected with something?"

"it looks that way, I have to be honest with you John, I dont know how we over looked this before" Bo sounded ashamed as he spoke..

"i wouldnt worry about it Boss, they seemed like suicides" John began, he liked Bo, there was a realness about him, something you didnt see very often..

"Im having them look through all the tox reports again on every victim and when i hear something i will get back to you, by the way how is Natalie?"

John looked around..."Good i guess, she aint here"

"Ok, she had an appointment today, i have faith in you John that you can pull this off, Natalie is a good undercover"

"Im sure she is Boss" John rolled his eyes as he kept his voice calm, he could of taken this guy down himself without the need for Natalie, but whatever..

"I would like you two to make your way out tonight, maybe hit a local bar, make it known that your looking for a job, make a scene but dont make a scene, do you know what i mean?"

"Yeah, gotcha, plant the seed, im on it Boss" John hung up, took a swig of the old warm beer by his bed and headed into the shower..

Natalie sat nervously in her car outside the motel, her makeover was more then she expected and she felt uncomfortable in her own skin.. Devon had kept her red hair and gave her a few extensions and some green contacts for her eyes, she had a whole new waredrob which consisted of school girl plaid mini skirts, corsette tops, numerous thongs, boots, heels, she felt ill as she sat there, she couldnt back out now, she wouldnt cause she knew that is what John wanted, what he expected..

She glanced at a piece of paper Devon had given her, it was the address of a woman, one who had expertise in pole dancing, just outside of Lanview, she would have to get a few lessons, she hoped that Devons words would help her through this..

"From now on your not Natalie Buchanan, your Peaches, and Peaches is not afriad of anything!"

It was amazing though cause the background on this Peaches, well she had grown up the same way as Natalie, on the hard streets but Natalie had risen from it, sadly Peaches hadnt.. It was almost like being able to take a look at your own life if things had turned out differently, Natalie wiped the tears from her eyes, she didnt want to ruin her makeup that Devon worked so hard on..

John made his way out of the shower, a towel around his waist, he was anxious for Natalie to get back, anxious to begin all of this but most off all anxious to have it done and over with..

The door slowly opened and for a second he didnt recognize her as she stepped inside, she was dressed a short denim mini skirt, a green halter top and black leather boots that made her legs seem to go on forever, this was definitely not the natalie he knew from earlier, the Natalie who was dressed frumpy and casual, not that she was bad looking before but now, now she was smoking..

Natalie caught his eye when she walked in but not only that, she saw his body as he stood at the bathroom door, just a towel around him and for a second she stared, his body didnt look like that last night in the dark when he came out nude, but then again she wasnt looking, a smirk covered his lips and she spun around some..

"can you get some clothes on" she said with embarassment

"can you?" he grinned..."You look... i mean, wow" he openly oogled her and she could feel it as she kept her back turned to him..

"What? You've never seen someone in a skirt" she said sarcastically as she flushed from head to toe..

"I havent seen you yet, man...your hot Natalie" he admired her some more and now she was bright red..

"god! Can you just get dressed!" she snapped, she definitely wasnt use to this attention..

"Glad to see you kept the personality" he said with a sarcastic roll of his eyes as he grabbed his clothes and went in the bathroom.."But dont change...we have a date" he yelled through the bathroom door..

"A what?" she said with confusion and he peaked his head out of the door..

"A date,...the case, remember? Bo wants us to mingle around town, i got the perfect place" he closed the door and she sighed..It was one thing to be in her car dressed like this and then be in this motel room but to go out in public, to mingle? She had to, she knew this, she would have to do a hell of alot more then mingle in the coming days, might as well break the ice..

"Peaches...I am Peaches" she mumbled to herself as the bathroom door opened..

"Peaches are good enough to eat" he grinned and she rolled her eyes..."But some are bitter" he rolled his eyes back at her.."some people have to learn how to take a damn compliment"

"some people need to learn how to come off not sounding like an old perverted man" she snapped back..

"Ha...Old, i will let you know sweetheart, i can outlast you, anytime, any place"

"Sure gramps" she smirked..

"wow your really starting to piss me off" he began to put on his shoes..

"Oh did i hit a sore spot old man" she smiled big, she was giving him a taste of his own medicine..

"You really wanna do this... like right now" he cocked his head as if in a challenge..

"Bring it on...grandpa" she stood her ground and he grabbed his coat..

"Your messing with the wrong man sweetheart" he walked past her and to the door.."come on...dear" he grabbed her by the hand and practically dragged her out of the motel room and she went to complain..."i wouldnt do that dear" he leaned into her ear.." couple remember" he grinned and then planted his lips on hers in a hard, bruising peck, and quickly he pulled back.."lets play" he grinned and she was now totally worried about fucking with him earlier, he was gonna get his revenge one way or another, she knew that!

Sitting in the car Natalie felt like she was going to have a panic attack, and apparently John could see it too..

"Your not going to puke , right? I mean you have gone undercover before?" he asked sarcastically but truthfully too, she looked green around the gills..

"Im totally fine" she lied as she clasped her hands on her lap, trying desperately to get them to stop shaking..

"Listen i want to get this done and over with as fast as possible ok, believe me im not liking this either" he almost seemed compassionate for a minute.."but seriously can u open the window cause if you puke in here" he began and she rolled her eyes..

"Im not going to puke, ok" she looked out the window..

"Fine,...but get that attitude out of your system and fast cause you can ruin this whole case by acting like that" he kept staring forward..

"are we being watched right now? Cause i dont see any cameras" she snapped quickly and huffed...

"so do you hate all men in general or just me" he laughed

"Oh believe me its just you" she said sarcastically and he stopped laughing..

"oh i can tell this is going to be fun,... yep i better stock up on alcohol" he said sarcastically as he turned on the radio and blasted it and she rolled her eyes at him..

Pulling up to the local bar downtown made Natalie's breathing quicken as John looked at her..

"Just follow my lead" he said as he got out of the car and she did the same as he came around the car and grabbed her hand..

"I need...a drink" she said quickly..

"Yes you do, it wont hurt you to smile either, and your Red got it, im still John" he finished as he walked with her inside and she put a big fake ass smile on her face as they made a bee line for the bartender.."Can i get two vodka shots please" he didnt even look at Natalie for approval, she was drinking the damn shot and that was that!"keep them coming" John finished as he handed Natalie one and he took the other.."here's to us baby" he grinned as they downed the shot and Natalie shivered as the drink burned her throat and before she even had time to fully swallow that one, John was handing her another.."Bottoms up" they downed another..

Two shots turned into three, then four, and now they were sitting in a booth, a pitcher of beer on the table and a relaxed atmosphere, Natalie was actually being laidback and talkative, maybe too talkative as another couple had come over to join them..

"So you two met, where?" the woman named Christina asked as they all drank..

"Well thats a funny story, i was dancing one night and here he came" Natalie said with a little slur to her words..

"Oh, you dance Red?" Christina asked as her boyfriend Tyler grinned, checking out Natalie as John watched him..

"Yes, wanna see" Natalie attempted to get up and John grabbed her arm,...Tylers eyes wide with excitement..

"How about later, just me and you now, ok baby" he said to Natalie who was beginning to get out of control..

"But...but" Natalie said quickly as John took her on the small dance floor..

"Good acting but you need to tone it down a bit" he whispered in her ear and she smiled..

"you smell good" she breathed him in..

"Your drunk" he whispered as he slowly danced with her, their dancing not matching the loud music playing..

"And you smell good" she grabbed his ass hard and he jumped some, not expecting it.."You feel good too" she laughed some..

"I think that is enough for tonight" he began to try and lead her off the floor but she wouldnt budge..

"No fun, no fun...dance with me" she whined some as people looked on..

He pulled her against him and she smiled.."If you promise to settle down a bit"

"Yes sir" she smiled as they danced.."You have really nice eyes" he blushed some..

"You too" he said quickly, suddenly now he was feeling very uncomfortable being this close to her, she smelt so good, she looked absolutely gorgeous and his package was swelling at an alarming rate..

"are you blushing...you are" she grinned big..

"its just hot in here, ok" he swallowed the lump in his throat..

"sure it is...your blushing... look at that good ol John Mc" she almost said his real name and he attacked her mouth with his, mainly to shut her up from saying anymore, but then her tongue was meeting his and the kiss got heated very quickly..

His hands immediately moved to her long locks as her nails dug into his back, the kiss was passionate, steamy to say the least and the sound of the music ending made them both pull apart breathless..

Natalie felt a bit of sobriety hitting her as she looked at him and she would of blown the whole damn case if she stared at him like that any longer.."Im waiting in the car" she said as she spun around and the couple tried walking up to her again but she moved right past them..

"she isnt feeling well, were going to go" John said a bit breathlessly..

"Well i hope she feels better and here, take this, i know they are hiring at a place called Tracers, you should go down tomorrow and check it out" Christina said with a smile as she handed John a business card.." a friend of mine works there"

"Well thank you Chrisitina, it was nice meeting you,...both of you"

"The pleasure was definitely all ours, maybe we will see you both around again, soon" Tyler grinned and John took off outside, in search of Natalie, she was already in the car, in the passenger seat, her head against the window, her eyes closed, she had passed out..

"Natalie?" he whispered as he nudged her some and she groaned , He ran his hand through his long hair and then he quickly started the car and took off for the motel..


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Natalie awoke to her head pounding as if someone was slamming a sledge hammer against it, her eyes hurt to open which wasnt being helped by the light coming in the room and she let out a groan..

"take this you will feel better" she heard a voice, a familiar one and she squinted some and focused on the hand infront of her face with a cup and two pills in it.."we have alot to do today and you've already over slept" his voice sprung her awake and so did the drunken memories from the night before and she quickly grabbed the pills and the water, maybe those pills would help her to forget the night before and the kiss, they kissed, she wanted to die.."By the way pretty good acting last night"

"Acting...yeah, how late is it?" she tried to glance at the clock, acting it was just acting, all of it, atleast she tried to tell herself that..

"Its after 11" he began and she sat up quickly, the room spinning as she did so..

"Oh my god, im late...my appointment" she said a bit frantically, she had an appointment with the exotic dancer in less then an hour..

"well come on, what are you waiting for, lets go" he grumbled, seeming annoyed as he walked across the room.."come on"

"Ok ok" she got up quickly, he was being more dickish then usual, it was gonna start her off on a bad note.."I will be like 10 min"

"come on!, we dont have ten minutes" he shook his head in frustration..

"Geez McBain give me a break, ten minutes.." she walked to the bathroom and slammed the door, damn it why did he have to be like that!

John flopped into the chair, he woke up from very little sleep feeling pissed off and annoyed, besides the fact that he slept on the chair after carrying her into the bed, he wasnt mad about the chair, he was upset about what happened when he got her in bed..

"Natalie come on you need to help me, we have to get these clothes off of you" he said as she laid in the bed, fully dressed, groaning some.."Natalie"

"Uh hmmmmm, ..." her drunken eyes opened and met his, she smiled at him.."I did good tonight?" she whispered..

"Yeah you did good, come on lets get this off" he reached for her shirt and she touched his hand..

"so strong...like a big bear, like a teddy bear" her words echoed in his head but her face changed, it wasnt Natalie laying there anymore, it was someone else, it was Caitlin..

_"Your like my big teddy bear John, my John bear" Caitlin smiled as she looked up at him.."I love you"_

"See i told you, ten minutes tops" natalie said as she got out of the bathroom, snapping John from his thoughts..

"its about damn time" he got up quickly and headed out the door and Natalie huffed but followed after him..

"Is there a problem" she said as they got into his car and he started it..

"The fact that you cant handle your liquor and you wake up late" he looked at her, he looked angry, it confused her.."this is like a real job, you need to take it seriously"

"wow someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed" natalie snapped..

"actually i didint get to sleep in a bed cause you were too drunk to move" he shook his head ..

"Geez so i drank a little too much, loosen up, it worked for last night" she said with annoyance as she looked out the window, if he wanted to be a prick then so be it, screw him!

They drove in silence for the rest of the ride and soon they had made their way into Lantano Lake Area, thankfully it was alot nicer then the area they were staying in, the streets were lined with lake side houses, beautiful landscapes filled the yards as John checked his gps system..

He was as amazed as Natalie, this definitely wasnt what he was expecting, this looked like the kind of neighborhood you would raise a family in, not that he would ever have one of those, that time came and went, he pulled into a large driveway, one that seemed to go on forever..

"she probably has a whole dance studio in there, probably serves cliental as well" he said a bit sarcastically..

"You know McBain just cause people dance for a living doesnt make them whores" Natalie said quickly, she had done her research, it wasnt all shady business..

"Oh now your an expert" he said with a roll of his eyes..

"Dont i have to be" she snapped and that shut him up quick.."now remember im looking to get lessons for a job im applying at, you really dont even need to go inside" she began and he laughed..

"Oh i wouldnt miss this for the world" he couldnt even see her attempting to do this, it should be interesting..

"Fine just behave, your suppose to be my loving boyfriend, remember, dont sabbotage me" she got out of the car..

"stop being so paranoid" he sighed deep..

"stop acting like an arrogant ass" she snapped at him..

"Well maybe if you would take this job seriously" he began and then immediately shut up as a tall, very slender blonde haired woman came walking outside and towards them..

"Red right?, how are you...this must be Jonathon, ive been waiting for you both, my name is Katrina" the woman smiled big and so did Natalie as she walked up to her, she reminded her of a ballet dancer, minus the tutu, she had long straight blonde hair, bright blue eyes and a warm smile, it made Natalie immediately feel at ease..

"Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice" Natalie shook her hand and so did John as he put his arm around Natalie and tried to put on an act..

"My pleasure, please come inside, its so hot out here...and now i have to ask Red, do you have any prior training?" Katrina asked as they entered the large immaculate house, it was breath taking, pictures filled the walls, plush furniture throughout, it looked as though it had never been lived in..

"Your house is beautiful, and no, unfortunately i havent had any formal training" Natalie began as she looked around, awestruck..

"well thats ok...and you, Jonathon, would you like to watch or would you rather sit by the bar and watch the game" Johns eyes got wide, this might turn out to be a great day after all, Natalie fought the urge to roll her eyes at him..

"You know sweetie why dont you watch the game and let us girls do our thing" Natalie said quickly, she already knew the answer as he staked out the bar..

"Thank You Katrina, i do believe i am going to take you up on your offer" John grinned big, there would be time later to see her dance, right now cold beers and a tv were calling his name..

"Of course" Katrina smiled big..."Make yourself at home, 2nd door to the right" she pointed and John was already on it..

"Have fun babe" he called out and Natalie shook her head..

"Men" she sighed and Katrina smiled..

"I thought it may be easier the first time without an audience, you dont really strike me for an exotic dancer Red, have you ever danced before" Katrina began and Natalie swallowed hard, here came the lies..

"well to be honest most places i have danced at have been low class and trashy, some girating and it was ok but im looking to be more...more"Katrina cut her off..

"More sophisticated... you sound like myself when i was your age" Katrina smiled as she opened two double doors and a gasp left natalie's mouth, it was a dance studio, a full dance studio..

"Wow, this is amazing..." Natalie said in awe as she looked around at the room, walls were lined with mirrors, two big poles in the center of the room..

"It took me many years to get all of this, many long hours of dancing but in the end it was worth it, i made a goal and stuck to it and now here i am" Katrina seemed to have a sadness in her voice as if what she did to get there she wasnt proud of.."Do you have goals Natalie"

"Hmmm?" her questioning caught Natalie off guard..

"Goals, i hate to see young , intelligent women as yourself end up stuck in this lifestyle, its hard to get out of once your in" Katrina almost seemed motherly, it touched natalie..

"Yes actually i do, i would like to go back to school, finish college" Natalie swallowed hard, she hated lying to this woman who seemed to be reaching out to her..

"He's not making you do this is he... I hate to impose, i just see so much of myself in you" she began and Natalie quickly shook her head..

"Its just something to do so i can pay off my schooling" Natalie faked a smile..

"You just remember that then, dont lose sight of your goal, shall we begin?" katrina made her way to the center of the room and Natalie followed.."so lets each grab a pole, ok"

Natalie nervously made her way to her pole, she almost wanted to laugh, she had a pole, she was grateful for the shorts she had thrown on and the tank top, cause she had a feeling this was going to be a work out..

" So the first thing you'll learn is a 'lock' position. You achieve this by pulling yourself up the pole with everything your upper body has got, hard as you can until your feet are properly off the floor. You then quickly straighten your left leg out in front of you, and wrap your right leg over it, bending at the knee. Done properly, this should 'lock' you in the position. " Katrina spoke as she demonstrated, it seemed easy enough and Natalie followed her lead..."Very good, this is very important.."

Natalie felt like she was already breaking a sweat as she locked herself onto the pole..

"You then ungrip with your hands, place them higher up the pole and by releasing your leg position and pulling up again, you get yourself higher up. Lock your legs again and repeat until you are at the desired height " Natalie watched as Katrina moved herself up the pole with grace and Natalie began to try, falling each time..

"wow my legs hurt" she laughed some...

"if you find it difficult to engage your inner thigh muscles you may be overusing your arms so strive for balance of muscle use if you 's this move you need to do over and over while you build that vital upper body strength and leg grip which will save you from slipping when doing the more advanced moves. , lets try again" she smiled and Natalie tried again, this time using more upper body strength,she was impressed with herself, it was working!"Very good Red, your catching on quick"

"I think i got this" Natalie smiled as she practiced again and again..

"once you've mastered it, you can start taking one hand off the pole, and leaning back. This is a great move to boost your confidence, would you like to try" Katrina began as she did just that and Natalie marveled at her..

"Yes, yes" Natalie was excited and she moved one hand off the pole and slowly leaned back and she didnt fall, it definitely did raise her confidence..

"That is great Red, now not all manuevers are about the pole, some take place on the floor, around the pole, like this" Katrina began to roll her body around the pole and Natalie watched in amazement, it looked like a beautiful dance, she was beginning to appreciate this more and more, she was actually a little ashamed that she thought pole dancing would be a cake walk, this was hard physical work..

Almost 45 minutes had passed and Natalie's hour lesson was about to be up so John began walking around, looking to find them, he stopped by a door, frozen a bit as he saw natalie, dancing with ease, confidence, the magnitude of her beauty was breath taking, she was smiling, he had never seen her smile like this, she actually looked like she was enjoying herself, it was nice to see this side of her and she wasnt even drunk..

"she looks amazing doesnt she Jonathon" Katrina smiled as she looked at John and Natalie almost fell as she spun around, her face bright red with embarassment..

"Yes she does" he seemed sincere, Natalie smiled..

"she seems to have a talent for this,... i would like to see you again" Katrina stared at both John then Natalie..

"Yes definitely, how does tomorrow sound" Natalie was excited to continue, she needed all the practice she could get if she was going to get up on a stage and do this with an audience..

"I love your enthusiasm!" Katrina beemed.."tomorrow it is, now tonight you should have Jonathon draw you a bath and soak your tired muscles, you have had quite the work out sweetie"

Natalie refrained from laughing hysterically, have John draw her a bath, he would probably try and drown her in it..

"that sounds wonderful" Natalie said quickly as they all said their goodbyes and they headed back to the car in silence..

"You looked pretty good out there" John said quickly and nonchalantly as they got in the car and natalie looked at him, a bit shocked..

"Really?" she asked questionably waiting for some sarcastic comeback from him..

"Really" he smiled some and then began to drive and she smiled to herself too, maybe there was some humanity in him yet..

The rest of the drive was in silence yet again but this time it was a different kind of silence, a peaceful one and as they pulled up to the motel natalie's stomach began to grumble some, she had barely eaten all day..

"should we grab a bite to eat" John began, he hadnt eaten all day and was starved, and apparently she was too as her stomach rumbled..

"I really need to get out of these clothes first, im sweating" she said as she got out of the car but he didnt budge..

"I'll just grab a little something and bring it back" he took off just like that and Natalie smiled a bit, maybe this wouldnt be so bad after all, she made her way inside just as her phone began to ring, and she answered it before looking, which she regretted immediately as she heard the voice on the other end..

"Please dont hang up on me" Cris pleaded into the phone and Natalie sighed..

"cris i had a really long day" she began and he cut her off..

"How is it going, the case i mean, is it ok, are you ok?"

"Im fine Cris, just tired and hungry" she began to walk to the bathroom, stripping out of her clothes..

"You know im not very far i could come by and bring dinner"

"You know you cant do that Cris, im working a case"

"Its just,...after our last conversation...im just... im really sorry Natalie"

"Its just water under the bridge Cris, cant we just drop it"

"But i mean are we ok?"

"I really dont want to have this conversation now, John is going to be back any minute"

"Oh" he had dissappointment in his voice.."Can i atleast...i mean...see you... to apologize in person...again"

"You've apologized enough Cris, its done...no hard feelings" she knew it sounded cold and she almost felt bad..

"Come on Natalie, we were friends, good friends"

"and we still are, ok"

"We are?" he had hope in his voice..

"Cris i really need to go, i have the shower water running"

"He aint trying to put the moves on you, right?"

"Goodnight Cris" she said quickly and hung up, he always knew how to ruin a perfectly good conversation, she put her phone down and jumped in the shower, wanting to wash away all her stress and aggravation..

John had driven all over town looking for burgers, the traffic had been insane but he finally was able to grab two burgers, some fries and drinks as he headed back to the motel..He was actually pleasently surprised with Natalie, he had a renewed confidence that they might actually be able to pull this off but having her up on stage with all eyes on her would be the true test to see if she had what it took..

He grabbed the bags of take out and headed inside but for now he would be eating alone cause there she lay on the bed, passed out with exhaustion, he stared at her for a minute as he put down the food, she wasnt so bad after all, young and a little niave about the world around her but she was beginning to surprise him and that didnt happen very often..


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Natalie couldnt believe it, she had slept almost the whole damn night, the sound of the tv woke her as she squinted her eyes to see and there was John sleeping on the chair, and a bag of food sitting on a small table on the side table, she sat up slowly and yawned quick, today was really exhausting, she reached for the bag as Johns eyes opened...

"sorry" she said quickly as she moved from the bed and to the other tiny chair in the room that say at the side table..

John stretched a bit and looked around.."what time is it?"

"Late, i cant believe i slept so late" she began to bite into the cold burger, it was better then nothing..

"thats cold" he rubbed his face some, he was contemplating waking her earlier but she looked so peaceful..

"Its food" she began as she took another bite

"want me to grab something else" he began to get up and she shook her head..

"no its fine, i just need a quick bite of something, any word from Bo" this was nice, they were actually having a non aggressive conversation...

"Not today but we are going to have to head to Tracers this week and apply, you going to dance again tomorrow?" he leaned back in the chair and Natalie stuffed a french fry in her mouth and shook her head..

"Yeah, i should get all the practice in that i can" she felt that all too familiar feeling of a knot in her stomach when she thought of dancing in front of all those people..

"You did pretty good today" John put his attention back to the tv and Natalie smiled a little bit..

"Thank you McBain" she finished eating and he finished watching tv..

There was only infomercials on now as John flipped through all the channels and Natalie came out of the bathroom after cleaning up a bit, she looked at the bed, his eyes still on the tv..

"You can have the bed tonight" she began as he looked at her..

"I think i can handle the chair, you take the bed" he glanced back at the tv..

"come on McBain, there is no reason why we should do this" she began and he looked at her.."were adults, the bed is big enough" she thought this was silly, why couldnt they just share the bed, it was big enough..

"Its really not a big deal Natalie" he liked this side of her, the non confrontational Natalie, it was nice..

"The bed is more comfortable then the chair, i know that and so do you, come on... we can make an imaginary line down the bed" she smiled some and he cocked his head some and smirked..

"an imaginary line, huh?... this may work" he got up and looked at the bed then her.."I will even keep my clothes on" he smirked some and she smiled..

"its a deal then" she put her hand out towards him and he laughed a little and shook it..

"deal" they shook on it and both walked to the foot of the bed and stared at it..

"goodnight" Natalie said quickly as she climbed into the bed and rolled onto her side and he climbed in too, rolling on his side as their backs faced each other..

"goodnight" he said as he laid there, being in the bed with her, it was weird, especially since the only persons he had ever shared a bed with he was sleeping with as well but he could do this, this was his partner, this was natalie, he could totally do this..

Natalie stared at the wall as she laid there, this wasnt so bad, they both got to sleep comfortably, she sighed deep, she wondered if she was going to get any sleep at all..

Sleep did eventually come for both of them and Natalie was up bright and early in the morning, getting ready as John began to toss and turn in the bed..

"Your going this early?" he asked as he began to get out of bed, he didnt know hoe she did it but even first thing in the morning she looked amazing..

"Yeah, i told Katrina i would be there early" she continued to pull her hair back in a pony tail, she was actually excited about this..

"well give me a second and i will get ready" John ran his hand through his hair..

"Its ok, im not going to be long anyway" she just wanted to go alone today..

"i dont think thats a good idea" John began, he was actually looking forward to seeing her dance today..

"I have some other stuff i need to take care of today afterwards and your not gonna want to get stuck doing that with me, believe me" she began as she got out of the bathroom and he had a confused look on his face.."going clothes shopping" she said quickly and he leaned back in the bed..

"yeah, you should go alone" he said quickly and she laughed a little..

"You know McBain your alright" she grinned..

"Your not so bad yourself" he rolled himself over some and then heard the door close as he laid there..

_"come on Johnny were going shopping" Caitlin said with excitement as she grabbed his hand, tearing him away from the tv.._

"Huh, but its game time" he said with a shocked look and she pouted some, that pout always got him, everytime, game or no game.."You know thats not far" he touched her face, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, they had been together for 2 yrs now, living together for 1 of those yrs and she had domesticated him, something he thought no one could ever do..

Caitlin was a school teacher, she taught 1st grade, he had met her at one of the police fundraisers back in AC, he was immediately struck by her, the grace in which she walked, the sweetness of her voice, she seemed innocent, she was innocent, she had taken his heart immediately..

John closed his eyes as he laid in bed, his past coming back to haunt him..

_He was sitting at the local coffee shop, sipping on his drink as he got the call about a fire, his heart sank when he heard where it was, Parkside Elementary, Caitlins school, he ran out of there so fast.._

By the time he got to Parkside the building was up in flames, smoke everywhere, children running, fire department was already there and chaos was all around him but where was she, he frantically began to run around..

"is there anyone left inside" he asked damn near hysterically to one of the officers, not getting the answer he wanted as he tried to run inside and was pulled back by a fire fighter..

"you cant go in there" the firefighter yelled..

"My girlfriend is in there, i have to get her!" he yelled as he tried to fight his way through everyone , only to be taken down to the ground.. "get off of me,...Caitlin! CAITLIN!" 

John snapped up out of bed, his heart racing as he immediately headed into the bathroom, he needed a shower, something to wash away his nightmares..

Meanwhile Natalie was almost done with her next lesson as Katrina showed her a few more floor moves..

"Now what you should do is when you get home today you should try these out on Jonathon" Katrina smiled and Natalie smiled nervously..

"Sure" she lied..

"Your really a natural at this, im impressed and im sure Jonathon will be too" Katrina smiled as her and Natalie said there goodbyes and Natalie headed back to the motel..

John had gotten out of the shower just in time to hear knocking on the door, his first instinct was it was Natalie, she had locked herself out and he wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the door only to find a wide eyed Cristian Vega standing there, a fellow officer he had met like once since he got to Lanview..

"What are you doing here officer" John said quickly as he let him in and closed the door..

Cris was shocked to see him in a towel, he glanced at the bed then back at John, his mind had a million and one thoughts, none of them good..

"Bo told me to come" Cris looked around more, his eyes darting to the bathroom.."where's natalie?" John could hear the jealousy in his voice..

"Im sorry but Bo sent you, why?" John stood his ground as Cris looked around then back at him..."me and Natalie are fine"

"Yeah i can see that" Cris said with jealousy oozing out of him..

"Im sorry is there a problem Vega? Were in the middle of a case, you could blow our cover by being here" John said quickly as he looked at this punk who apparently had something going on with Natalie, he wondered just what it was..

"No one saw me, but i really need to talk to Natalie, where is she?" Cris asked as he stared at John..

"not here" John stared right back at him and Cris seemed to look relieved.."You know i think im going to give Bo a call" John moved across the room..

"wait... just wait" Cris called out and John stopped and looked at him.."Ok...ok you got me,... Bo didnt send me"

"Are you telling me you came out here without the proper authorization, putting this case in jeopardy?" John was dead serious, his tone cold as he looked at Cris..

"Come on give me a break, no one saw me, i just need to talk to Natalie" Cris began and John rolled his eyes..

"Whatever you need to talk to her about it is going to have to wait, you cant be bringing your personal life here, do you know how unprofessional that is!" John began to raise his voice as the door opened and they both turned to see a shocked looking Natalie standing there..

When she had gotten to the motel the last thing she was expecting to see was Cris standing there, it was just the thing to set her off..

"what in the hell are you doing here!" she snapped at Cris and John just smirked, he should of walked away and got dressed but this looked like it could be fun..

"Natalie please, lets just do this in private" Cris pleaded as he walked over to her..

"In private? Are you kidding me, where? Your jeopardizing my case!"

"But i tried calling today, i was worried"

"Unbelievable! Im busy, im on a case" she snapped as she glanced at John who not only was barely dressed but looking like he was enjoying this to the fullest..

"Its just the way we left things" Cris began to mumble and John held back a laugh, this guy was insane..

"I cant believe your doing this Cris, i already talked to you about this, i really cant believe you came here" she tried to walk past him and he reached out for her arm and she spun around.."get out of here Cris, get out of here now" she yanked her arm back..

"come on this is ridiculous Nat" he reached for her again and this time John stepped in, he couldnt help himself cause this guy wasnt going to take no for an answer..

"You know what buddy, i believe she asked you to go" John made his way over quickly..

"Oh this is just great" Cris looked at the two of them..."I knew it, i knew you were going to do this" Cris spun around..."fucking whore" he said under his breath but John heard him and grabbed him by his arm, spinning him around as his fist made direct contact with Cris's nose..

Natalie gasped loud as she watched, it happened so fast and Cris was holding his bloodied nose.."Oh my god John, No" Natalie stood in shock..

"You broke my nose!" Cris yelled

"Your lucky thats all i broke, now get the fuck out of here" John pushed him some..

"wait till Bo hears about this" Cris began and John stepped closer to him..

"You know what, yes wait till Bo hears, wait till he hears you compromised a case and came here then called his niece a whore, let me call him now" John gritted his teeth..

Cris looked at Natalie as he reached for the door..."I cant believe you did this" he said at natalie as he took off and John looked to Natalie, who was still a bit in shock..

"I think you broke his nose, I am so sorry about that, i dont know what got into him, i mean to show up here, he is out of his mind" she said quickly..

"Punk needs to learn some manners" John walked past her and into the bathroom as natalie stood there speechless, John had come to her rescue, it touched her..

Natalie sat on the bed as John came out and he stopped.."so everything went ok today?" he asked, he was still a little shocked with himself that he lost control so quickly like that even though Vega deserved it..

"Oh...yeah it did... thank you by the way for what you did" she had to thank him..

John shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.."no problem, it looked like you were thinking of doing the same and id rather use my knuckles"

Natalie laughed some..."Was it that obvious...he is just" she began and John shook his head..

"No need to explain to me, i dont want details" John already had a good opinion about what he suspected, no need to go into further detail..

"fair enough... should we call Bo" she began and John shook his head..

"I dont think he will be coming around anymore" John moved to the chair and sat down..

"Yeah your probably right" she glanced at the blank tv screen, her mind thinking about Cris and how he just showed up, ASS!

"So does Katrina think your ready?" John could tell her mind was on Cris and what just happened and he wanted to change the subject onto something else worth while..

"Yeah, i mean, sort of" Natalie said nervously as she began to think about what Katrina said..."Funny thing, she thinks i should dance for you, silly though" Natalie laughed some..

"Oh yeah?... that makes since, so?" if she could dance for him then she could dance for anyone..

"So? Oh no... no i dont need to" she began to ramble..

"Your gonna have to get up on a stage Natalie and if you cant even dance in front of me" he began and she shook her head..

"Oh i can dance in front of you" " she said quickly and he leaned back some in the chair..

"so then show me what you learned so far, i promise not to be judgemental" he kept a straight face..

"I just...i dont know" she shook her head..

"it will be alot easier then dancing on stage, your uncle put you on this case cause he had faith in you, i do too"

Natalie smiled some that was the nicest thing he had said to her yet.." ok fine McBain but dont laugh ok, can i keep my eyes closed" she laughed a bit nervously..

"closed? Ok" he tried not to laugh..

"It helps ok" she shook her head nervously and she looked at the radio..." i need music" she fussed with the stations and it stopped on the group Bush, the song Mouth and she waited a second, her body shaking in fear..

"Just relax, you'll be fine" John tried to be reassuring to her...

Natalie stood for another second, took a deep breath, she could do this, she had to, she closed her eyes and began to think of what Katrina taught her and she began to move as the music played in the background..

**.com/watch?v=dbw-yAvcdmA**

You gave me this, made me give  
Your silver grin still sticking it in  
You have soul machine, soul machine

The longest kiss, peeling furniture days  
Drift madly to you, pollute my heart drain  
You have broken at me, broken me

John watched in amazement, she looked graceful as she swung her small hips back and forth, watching her made his breathing get shallow as he moved uncomfortably in the chair some, parts of his body growing at an alarming rate, and Natalie stopped midway..

"I cant do this" she spun around, feeling embarassed and ashamed , she couldnt even dance for him how the hell was she going to do this on stage..

John got up quickly and took her arm, stopping her.."Your doing fine, im not judging you" there was an edge to his voice that made her spin around and look at him..

"I dont know what i was thinking, i cant do this" she had fear in her voice as she looked at John..

**All your mental armour drags me down  
Nothing hurts like your mouth, mouth, mouth**

Your loaded smiles, pretty just desserts  
Wish it all for you so much it never hurts  
You have soul machine, stolen me

"Yes, you can..i know you can, close your eyes again" he began as she just stared at him, her heart racing, she wanted to cry or puke, she wasnt sure which one.."just close them and feel the music" his voice seemed to roll through her and she did just that, she closed her eyes.."good girl" his hands went to her hips and he began to move her some and she began to open her eyes again.."closed" he said quickly and she sighed deep but closed her eyes..

**All your mental armour drags me down  
We can't breathe when you come around  
All your mental armour drags me down  
Nothing hurts like your mouth, mouth, mouth,  
Your mouth, mouth, mouth**

He kept his hands on her hips moving her back and forth slowly, his chest tightening at the sight of her as she began to take over, moving her body a bit more, and soon she was moving on her own and he let go of her hips and backed up some, marveling at the way she moved, she was really doing it, he was more then impressed and well turned on as well as he watched her..

**We've been missing long before  
Never found our way home  
We've been missing long before  
We will find our way**

He moved back to the chair, sitting down as she danced for him.. She kept her eyes closed, doing all the moves that Katrina taught her, the song , the dancing, it was all very erotic as she spun around some and she finally opened her eyes, the look on Johns face was priceless as he watched her, it made her feel like a sexual being, she felt intouch with her body, intuned with it, just like Katrina said she would feel, and she kept her eyes on him as she danced..

The mood in the room quickly turned as she danced, her heart racing as he leaned back in the chair, his eyes taking in everything, it reminded her of the scene from Dirty Dancing when Patrick Swayze was watching the two girls dance and how intense it had seemed..

**You gave me this, made me give  
You have soul machine, broken free**

All your mental armour  
All your mental armour and your mouth, your mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth...

The song ending made her stop as she began laughing nervously, hysterically..

"That was amazing" John said as he began to clap and she turned red..

"Thank you, thank you" she took a bow and laughed as she shook her head.."That wasnt so bad"

"No it definitely wasnt" John couldnt even move from his chair otherwise she would of seen how not bad that dance was, he felt like a highschool boy again, trying to hide his erection..

"Im gonna jump in the shower" Natalie spun around quickly, she was proud of herself, she had really done it as scared as she was she had really done it..

John was thankful that she went into the bathroom cause he had to adjust his pants quickly, he didnt want to come off as the perverted old man, he was ten years older then her and sporting a huge erection, he laughed to himself as she took a long, hot shower..


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

As Natalie got dressed she felt more then confidant, she was ready to head to Tracers and apply for the job and thats just what they were doing, the afternoon was going smoothly and surprisingly there was no uncomfortable feelings between the two of them as Natalie put on a green and black plaid skirt, a black lacy tank top and black leather boots, John had a hard time looking at her cause she looked smoking hot and he was beginning to feel like the perverted old man as he tried to act nonchalant, she seemed to be having fun as she got ready..

"Do you think pony tails are too much?" she asked as she messed with her hair in the bathroom mirror and John had to swallow hard..

"I think with that outfit it is very fitting" he kept his composure cool as he buttoned up his black silk dress shirt and Natalie couldnt help but notice how nice he looked..

"You know were quite the pair" she laughed some as she finished with her pony tails..

"Do you think i am over dressed" John suddenly felt self conscious as he looked at her and she grinned..

"Nope, i just never went to apply for a job dressed like this, it kind of goes against everything they have taught us over the years about dressing to impress" she glanced at her outfit then back in the mirror..

"considering the job i would say your hired" he grinned and she blushed some..

"well thank you, i just hope the owners are as quick to hire me, are you ready?" she left the bathroom and grabbed her purse as John grabbed his keys..

"as ready as i will ever be" he was a bit nervous for her, hoping she would shine under pressure cause this was definitely going to be one hell of a test for her..

The club seemed alot bigger then she expected, it was a large brick building a sign reading Tracers was lit up in neon letters, no cheesy sillohette flashing naked girls lit up in lights like she had expected, honestly she would of never thought it was a strip club by the sight of it, it looked like an ordinary club from the outside, this could be promising..

But as they stepped inside her heart sank, this was definitely a strip club from the stage, poles, strobe lights, loud erotic dancing in the background, and well a girl already up on the stage dancing for a handful of people, John put his hand on the small of her back, apparently sensing her anticipation..

"You'll be fine" he whispered in her ear as they made their way to the bar, immediately being greeted by the bartender..

"what can i get you both?"

"I would like to apply" Natalie jumped in quickly, surprising John with her initiative as she smiled at the young bartender who grinned her way, looking her up and down..

"This place does need a red head, let me go get Stephen" he walked away and natalie looked to John , giving him a head nod, it was now or never..

The following day...

Natalie made her way into the precient, she felt like this was the walk of shame as she made a bee line for Bo's office, she could see the looks and hear the whispers as she looked around, she was more then irate at the moment, this was completely and totally unfair, and the only one she could blame was McBain, he did this to her, he ruined her and he was going to pay!

The sight of Cris made her even madder as he came walking over, an apologetic look on his face, she didnt stop though as he spoke..

"Nat... im sorry, i heard,...its for the best" he began and now she spun around, word spread quick, huh...

"For the best, who the hell are you? My dad?" she yelled not even caring who heard, she already looked like a fool might as well really give everyone something to talk about but Bo's door opening stopped her from further damage..

"Office Now Natalie!" Bo barked at her and she refused to hang her head down in shame, she was mad at him too, this was his doing as well..

She stormed past Cris and into Bo's office, she was so angry she felt as if she would explode, and the sound of her uncles door closing made her do just that..

"How could you do this to me Bo, How, were family?" she yelled, she didnt even care about using the family card now cause what happened to her was total bullshit..

"You know good and well this has nothing to do with family natalie, sit down" Bo ordered, he too was upset about the events from the night before..

"I dont want to sit" she crossed her arms tightly around her body not caring if she seemed like a child, everyone was treating her as such anyways..."You didnt even give me a chance" her body trembled with anger and embarassment..

"I did what i had to, the case could of been jeopardized, alot at stake here, this isnt a game" Bo was infuriated, she could hear it in his voice and it wasnt often Bo got like this, actually she had never seen him like this before but it didnt stop her..

"I could of done this, i needed more time, you just pull me out cause of him, cause Mcbain makes a phone call" she began to pace, her heart racing, sweat beading on her forehead..

"we have no time, none, i gave you a chance" Bo began and she just stared at him, he lowered his voice.."I gave you a chance, it was too soon, your still new at this"

"I put my everything in this Bo... I would of done this, i could of done this, i freaked out, i get it but i just needed one more day" she began to plead as she looked at her uncle..

"You didnt have the heart for it Natalie, not for this case, im not mad at you" he began to walk to her, speaking softly and she backed up from him..

"am i fired?" she asked quickly, her body stiffened and he looked at her confusingly.."do you want my badge" she stated again as she stared at him..

"No, Natalie its not like that but maybe take a few days to clear your head" he began softly and she shook her head..

"Fine" she spun around..."then im going" she headed to the door, she had to get out of there..

"Natalie, please... its ok to admit you couldnt do this" Bo began and she didnt want to hear it, so she opened the door, letting herself out and stopping as she saw him, McBain, and he was walking towards her..

"Natalie...listen" John began, he felt bad about all of this, he hated that he had to make the call but it was clear this wasnt going to work and before they invested anymore time on this case together when there was a killer on the loose, he had to make a judgement call, and that call was that she was not good for this case..

"GO TO HELL MCBAIN" she yelled as she stormed past him, and he waited to feel her hand slapping against his face but nothing this time...

Natalie made it in her car just in time for the tears to start but she refused to be seen crying in the parking lot so she sped off, her mind on how horribly wrong last night went and how she let herself down, she let everyone down, she felt like a failure!

_"So peaches huh, are you as sweet as a peach?" the tall bald headed man who just seconds earlier had introduced himself as Stephen spoke as he put out his hand.._

This guy definitely had creep written all over him, it actually made her skin crawl as she shook his hand... "of course i am" her voice shook and john out a protective arm around her as Stephen noticed and took his attention to John..

"John" he put his hand towards the man and they shook..

"well lets not waste anytime shall we, lets see what you can do peaches, let me get you a drink John while she gets ready" Stephen began to walk away and Natalie began to panic, this was really happening, like now, she was frozen.."Just tell the Dj what song you would like and we'll take it from there" Stephen made his way to the bar, John with him as Natalie looked to the stage, it seemed so big, the girl who had previously been on stage was now off, the room had maybe 10 people in it but 10 too many..

She sucked in a deep breath and headed for the DJ booth, her heart racing, she could feel Johns eyes on her, she couldnt look at him cause he would see the panic in her face but he didnt need to see her face to see her panicking, it was written all over her, it made him nervous as he downed a shot quickly..

"she definitely isnt like our other dancers, she could make a great addition" Stephen said to John as they sat at the bar.."she has an innocence that is really working for her" Stephen smiled and John couldnt help but feel as if this guy was already undressing Natalie with his eyes, it bothered him but he didnt let it show, he ordered another shot..

Natalie could feel all eyes on her as she stood on the stage, the DJ getting her song ready, she looked into the audience, the men looked like they were drooling, her heart raced, she looked to John then back out to the audience..

"Everyone, lets welcome PEACHES" the dj called out as the music started but she froze, she couldnt move, she felt like she was going to puke or cry, her breathing quickened, she could see men whispering, some laughing..

"come on sweetheart" one yelled out and she felt like the room was getting smaller and smaller as she began to hyperventilate..

"what are you waiting for" another yelled and some began to Boo her, the music played louder..

She felt like she couldnt breathe as she stood there, she didnt even realize John came up on the stage, grabbing her arm until she felt herself being dragged off the stage..

"John...wait...what the?" she began as John mumbled to himself and she couldnt get a word in edge wise until they stepped into the hot sun outside, it wasnt until then that she noticed the wetness on her face, she wiped it..it was tears..

"were going" John snapped, visibly angry..

"Just give me a minute, i just need a minute" she began to say frantically, she had just blown it, she had her chance on stage and she froze..

"were done...your not ready" John began walking to the car and she ran up to him..

"Just wait...i am...im ready, im good now" she lied cause she was anything but good at the present time, it was horryifying up there on that stage, worse then she imagined..

"NO!" John snapped as he spun around and faced her.."No your not, this was a bad idea" he shook his head as he jumped in the car...

"McBain your over reacting... ok, just calm down" she said with a shaky voice as she too jumped in the car and he started it quickly..

"overreacting?... You bombed, end of story, Your not ready" he snapped and she jumped at the anger in his voice..

"it was my first time" she snapped back at him..

"and your last"  


Natalie swerved in the road and hit the gas as she sped home, tears streaming down her face, she was angry at John, angry at herself, she didnt even get a chance to redeem herself, it was completely unfair!

_"what do you mean my last, i will do better tomorrow ok" she said quickly as he drove.._

"Yeah... i dont think so" he laughed sarcastically..."I told Bo we needed someone with more experience, i told him" he began to talk to himself outloud..

"Im doing my best!" she yelled

"Well sweetheart your best isnt good enough" he spit out bitterly and she became speechless as she looked at him..

She didnt say another word for the car ride to the motel, neither did he, she would just have to work that much harder tomorrow, she would practice all night if she had to..But as they got to the motel and made their way inside he began dialing his phone..

"Im gonna practice" she said quickly as he ignored her..

"Bo its John" he said into his phone and her eyes got wide..

"what are you doing" her heart began to race again..

"No... no its done, i need someone else, she cant do it" John began and she gasped.."if you want this case done right you will get me someone else"

"what the hell are you doing" natalie tried to grab for the phone but John wouldnt let her..

"Im telling you Bo, its done,... its either me or her, ...good then its settled" John hung up as natalie looked at him shocked..

"You bastard... you fucking bastard!" her hand came up slapping his face hard as he stood there..

"You can get as angry as you want but you did this to yourself" John began to turn around and she grabbed his arm, spinning him around to look at her..

"so thats it, you call Bo, im off the case!" she couldnt believe this, it was like a nightmare, how could he do this to her!

"what part of YOUR NOT READY do you not understand!, your in way over your head sweetheart"

"so you just call the shots now... how dare you!" she went to hit him again but he was ready for it as he grabbed her hand before it landed on his face again..

"I let you do it once, not again" he sounded dead serious as he looked at her.."You should pack your things"

Natalie made her way into her apartment, her body shaking, just about as much as last night when she had to make the drive back home from across town, she hadnt even slept, how could she, she had spent the majority of the night crying and thinking over all she did wrong and how she would have to face her fellow officers and Bo the following day, and now that she did just that she didnt feel any better, she felt worse, she didnt even think that would be possible..

The sound of her phone going off made her jump as she stormed into her kitchen and grabbed a beer..

"what!" she yelled into the phone..

"damn Natty what crawled up your ass and died" Rex laughed some..

"rex, now is not the time" she guzzled back half the beer..

"Natty whats wrong, i got the info you wanted" he sounded concerned..

"Thanks Rex but now is not a good time, ok" she tried to hold it together but Rex could see through her..

"Natty your scaring me, do i need to come see you, are you in trouble?" his concern was overwhelming, she couldnt hold in her emotions any more, Rex was always there for her, even when no one else was..

"I... I got kicked off my case Rex, i fucked up" she began to let go and cry...

"natty where are you, im coming to see you"

"No...i cant right now... i really just want to be alone" she cried...

"Like hell you are, im gonna be at your place in 5 minutes" he hung up and she covered her face as she cried..

John sat in Bo's office as phone calls were made for a last minute undercover, he felt like he had been too hard on Natalie but this was the real world, he couldnt sugar coat anything for her and she had to know that, he too had fucked up cases in his younger years and had been pulled off, she was overreacting..

"Evangeline... oh i heard of her" Bo began as Johns eyes darted that way, he knew that name all too well, he had worked with her undercover many times, even though a majority of those undercover moments were in his bed.. "can she be here tonight?... that would be great" Bo finished and John sighed deep, it had been almost a yr since he had even seen Evangeline, its not like they were a couple in the past just a bit of friends with benefits but that time had come and gone, having her come back now at this time, John felt anxiety build up, she was a good undercover, she had experience but did he really want to start all of that up again.. "Its done John, i got a great undercover" Bo began and John stood..

"I heard, Evangeline Williams, i know...ive worked with her before" he ran a hand through his hair...

"Well thats even better, she is being caught up on everything and will be here tonight"

"great" John had no enthusiasm in his voice as he spun around for the door..

"John you did do the right thing, it was a good judgement call,..." Bo said quietly and John shook his head..

"i know" John said as he opened the door..."I will keep you updated" john made his way out the door, he hated that he felt guilty for letting natalie go, part of him would miss her being around but this was definitely for the best and he hoped one day she would realize that..


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

That night Natalie barely slept yet again, Rex had come by and been the supportive brother and made her laugh, lightening her spirits a little with his quirky banter...

_"McBain seems like a total ass Nat, the things i found about him, i mean he has had just one train wreck after another" Rex began but Natalie really wasnt even in the mood to read anything about McBain at the moment.._

"I just dont even want to get into it, i just cant believe im out Rex this was going to be the case, the big one" the tears had finally stopped flowing as she sat on the couch..

"Your better off Nat, i mean the fact that you were going to be on stage, stripping, i mean damn i could of been at one of those clubs and if i would of seen you" Rex shook his head as the idea of seeing his sister up on stage made his stomach cringe..

"You cant say anything Rex the case is still on going.. but i could of done this and since when do you frequent the strip clubs"

"do you have any idea how many men cheat on their wives there, half of my business is following around low life scum, thank god for strip clubs" he smirked a bit..

"you never feel guilty just going around and spying on people, i mean sometimes its just wrong, invading personal space"

"You do the same thing when your undercover, i just dont have all the credentials"

"Im usually going after murders, rapists and drug dealers, they deserve to be caught"

"and cheating husbands dont deserve to be caught?"

"Ok you got a point"

"damn straight i do but Nat in all seriousness, you cant let this guy drag you down, you worked too hard for all of this, you gotta pick yourself back up and move on"

"I trying, i want to,... I could of really done this, just a little more time"

"yeah but... what is that look for Nat"

"what look? Why dont we just have some more coffee then im going to head to bed"

"Dont do anything reckless Nat, it isnt worth it"

"I wouldnt.. im not... i promise"

So waking up she sat with her coffee in hand this had to be one of the top dissappoints in her life and embarassing especially being the bosses neice and a Buchanan..

She now looked at her laptop, she hadnt even been in the mood to check out what Rex had found on McBain, honestly she hadnt even cared now, he was nothing but a miserable angry man who found joy in ruining other peoples lives, she got that now, but she was looking at it anyway, payback is a bitch and she was planning on getting her sweet revenge on him..

She began reading through the pages, nothing interesting yet, boring police bullshit, his dad was a cop though that was enlightening, killed in the line of duty, things were beginning to make sense..

**Thomas McBain age 54 a well respected Atlantic City Police Officer killed in the line of duty is being buried today, he has left behind his wife Mary, their 2 sons John and Michael..**

Natalie read through the obituary, glancing at the date of his death, 1990, John had to be only 16 years old, she felt a twinge of guilt as she read on, scrolling through more pages, most of it about Johns accomplishments as an Officer but one article caught her eye..

**March 22, 2005**

An electrical fire seems to be cause of the Parkside Elementary fire, one of our cities finest loses girlfriend Caitlin Brooks, an upstanding citizen and first grade teacher, she will be missed dearly, funeral arrangements are being made, annoucement of times and date will be in the coming days..

Natalie stared at the photo on the computer screen, one of John in his Police uniform next to a blonde haired woman, it looked as if it was at some kind of fundraiser, this had to be Caitlin, between him losing his dad at age 16 and his girlfriend to a fire it was no wonder John had turned out the way he did, she clicked off the screen quick, she wouldnt get her revenge on him, he already had gotten the short end of the stick in his life, it was all beginning to make sense now, she genuinely felt bad for him even though she was still very much pissed that she was no longer on the case..

But such is life, Natalie was going to pick up the pieces of this mess and some how fix it, sitting in her apartment all day wasnt going to help, so she grabbed her purse and headed to the one place she knew she could get serenity and that was Rodi's..

Rodi's was always the place Natalie ended up if she needed to clear her head, it had a relaxed atmosphere and a few drinks and a game of pool was what she was in need of today, she needed a new strategy for work, something to get her back into the game, something to get her respect back that she worked so hard for, but heading inside her new found outlook was stopped almost immediately when she saw him and those same bitter feelings came rushing back even if she felt bad for him, it was McBain and he wasnt alone, a tall very lenghty dark haired woman dressed in a pin stripe pants suit sat beside him as they drank and talked, Natalie's stomach cringed at the site, why did he have to go there, to Rodi's, she quickly made her way to the bar, hoping he didnt see her..

"Hi ya darling, been missing you 'round here, the usual?" Mac the bartender/owner of Rodi's greeted her with a smile, since she had been coming to Rodi's Mac was always smiling, always happy and genuinely just a good person..

"Yes please... just been busy" she couldnt help but glance across the bar at them, sitting there having just a grand ole time, she looked back at Mac..

"we got ourselves a new detective, swell guy, met him yet?" Mac handed her a beer and she tried to contain rolling her eyes but it didnt work and he laughed some.."I take that as a yes"

"I dont know what the big deal is about him" she took a quick sip of her beer, it irked her that everyone in this town bowed at his feet..

"he's a big city cop, folks 'round here just arent use to seein that, this town needs a little more excitement" Mac smiled and Natalie faked one..

"I was born and raised in NY City Mac, im a big city cop" Natalie said quickly and he smiled and patted her shoulder lightly..

"May be but we country-fied you" he grinned and Natalie laughed some..

"Country-fied? Oh i am so not country-fied" she shook her head and Mac's eyes darted past her and she felt a chill go up her spine..

"another round Officer?" Mac began and Natalie kept her back turned..

"Yeah just one more Mac, thanks" John said as he glanced at Natalie who was trying hard to ignore him.."Hi Natalie"

"McBain" she turned to look at him, keeping her composure stiff and cool...

"Listen i really dont want to have any hard feelings about" he began and Natalie went to cut him off but before he could the female he was with came up to them..

"Natalie Buchanan right? I heard about you, Evangeline Williams" she put her hand out and Natalie just looked at her.." I was hoping i could speak to you in a more private enviroment"

"I dont think right now is a good time" John interjected quickly as he looked at Natalie then Evangeline..

"Oh please McBain..." Evangeline laughed some and Natalie fought the urge to roll her eyes at this woman, who was this woman? "I wanted to discuss somethings about Tracers with you" it all began to click and Natalie cocked her head to the side, so this was the replacement, fantastic!

"Evangeline.." John said in a warning tone and she rolled her eyes at him...

"Here, if you could call me, i have some questions about Katrina i would like to discuss with you" she handed Natalie a business card, this woman had a business card, Natalie looked at it then at her, then at John.."By the way i hate that we had to meet under these circumstances"

"Oh the fact that he had me dropped and you took my role, those circumstances?" Natalie stared at the now blank faced Evangeline..

"evangeline, give us a minute" John said quickly..

"Yes please do Evangeline" natalie rolled her eyes..

"I was trying to be nice" Evangeline said with a shake of her head as she walked away and Natalie drank back her beer..

"I was trying to be nice" Natalie mocked her immaturely..."more like condescending" she called out as John grabbed her arm and pulled her off to the side.."Hey!"

"Must you make a scene" he huffed loud as he brought her into a secluded corner of the bar..

"Oh the fact that your running around with my replacement wasnt to rub it in my face...yeah, ok" Natalie rolled her eyes..

"Cut the shit Natalie, your not a kid anymore, this is a waste of my time" John began to give up, this wasnt going to go anywhere..

"You keep on saying that but you got what you wanted, me off the case, problem solved" Natalie finished off the rest of her beer...

"I might of come off a little harsh, ok... if it means anything i am sorry"

"No it really doesnt mean anything now if you will excuse me" natalie attemtped to walk past him but he blocked her way..

"damn it Natalie can you just listen to me for a second" John snapped and it got her attention, startled her a little bit.."no one blames you ok, i just feel like i should tell you that, it was a hard role to play, your just not that rough"

"Oh and little miss pants suit is..."Natalie rolled her eyes as she glanced at Evangeline, she would probably freak out if she broke a nail, Natalie lived the streets, Evangeline read about them, so she wasnt stripper material but she wasnt no softy either..

"she has experience, she is good and in the end this isnt about any of us, its about getting a lunatic off the streets" John stated quickly..

"I really dont need this speech from you cause i am fine, it takes a hell of alot more then this to take me down" Natalie said confidently..

"well good, glad to hear" John knew she was lying, he saw her on that stage, the frightened look in her eye, she looked like a scared child up there..

"Is that all cause im really trying to enjoy the rest of my day" natalie said quickly as she held up her empty beer bottle and John looked at it then at her..

"do you really think getting drunk is the best idea" he couldnt help himself, he couldnt help worrying, he remembered what happened last time she got drunk, what if something happened to her..

Natalie couldnt help the small laugh that left her mouth.." who said i was getting drunk, and really what business is it of yours what i do, your not my keeper"

"Fine... i see where this is going" John began to walk away.."enjoy your night Natalie" he went back to the table and Natalie rolled her eyes and then made her way back to the bar, her ego bruised but she refused to let him ruin Rodi's for her, this was her bar damn it and she was going to enjoy herself one way or another..

John made his way back to the table where Evangeline sat, he was going to try and reason with Natalie but it wasnt worth it, she was still angry..

"I can totally see now why she was cut from the case, her attitude is horrible" Evangeline began as John grabbed his drink...

"she tried ok, can we just drop it" he took a big swig of his beer..

"why so defensive, you werent sleeping with her, were you... please done tell me you were i mean your atleast 10 yrs older then her John" she said quickly..

"sleeping with her, no" John said defensively again..." really none of your business though either way"

"same ole Johnny Mac, glad to see a year hasnt changed you" Evangeline smirked.."Oh lighten up John, im glad we get to work together again, we make a good team, you and me"

John glanced over at Natalie who was now standing around the pool table setting up balls..

"wow you just cant help yourself" Evangeline said sarcastically and it got his attention..

"Huh?" he said as he took another sip..

"nothing" she reached over and touched his hand just as natalie glanced in his direction..

Natalie wasnt expecting the surge of jealousy that coursed her body as she watched that smug witch touch his hand, there was something going on between them two, she could sense it, she wondered if they were sleeping together already, the idea irked her!

"You know Johnny we could take this little party to a more private place, get a little more into ummm character" Evangeline rubbed his hand seductively and he pulled it back from her..

"we talked about this already, we need to focus on this case" John said quickly as he poured back another beer..

"Fine then" Evangeline stood up and leaned over the table towards him.." then im going to head back to the motel, get myself out of these clothes and into something a bit more comfortable and when you stop trying to play kids games with the little girl over there" she snapped her head at Natalie.."then you can come play with a real woman" she licked her lips seductively and walked away as John sat there, he had no intention of going anywhere, atleast not until he made sure natalie wasnt going to get herself in trouble, again..

Natalie tried to pretend as if she hadnt noticed that Evangeline had left but she had seen from the corner of her eye and she was oddly happy that John had stayed behind as much as she was angry with him, she kind of missed having him around cause there were times when they were together that he actually was a decent person..

Natalie continued her game, she could feel him staring at her, why though, why was he still there, then the reality of it hit her, he was babysitting her, she drank back her glass of beer quick and began to refill as she shot him a glance and proceeded with her game..

John shook his head in amusement, she was gonna mess with him now, just great, part of him wanted to go over and shake her senseless and tell her to stop acting like a spoiled brat, another part of him couldnt take his eyes off her body, the images of her dancing for him before everything went to shit was still fresh in his mind..

He grabbed what remained of his pitcher and filled his glass as he got up and made his way to the pool table where she played..

Natalie ignored his presence as he neared her even though her heart had begun to race a bit but she made her shot anyways..

"You know its rude to just stare" she said nonchalantly as she lined up her next shot..

"Your pretty good" he said honestly, he had been watching and she was quite impressive.."for a girl" he added and she couldnt help but laugh some as she rolled her eyes..

"Is that a challenge i hear" she kept her eye on the table and he placed his beer down as he headed to the wall, grabbing a stick..

"nothing challenging about it" he began and she made her shot, sinking the ball into the pocket..

"Oh yes i forgot you were playing pool when i was still in diapers" she grinned.."I bet you got to see the first ever pool table, what was that like 1940's"

"cute... so are you gonna invite me to play or what" he had missed this, her sarcastic banter as much as it drove him crazy..

"well i guess its better then you trying to babysit me from across the bar.." she smirked..."see still standing" she grabbed her beer and took a swig..

" im enjoying a beer, im sure you can take care of yourself" he too took a drink.."but i mean if this is your way of trying to back out of playing then" he cocked his head..

"Ha... you have no idea what your getting yourself into McBain, rack em up,...so where'd ya girl go?" she couldnt help herself as she moved around the table and he glanced up at her, he knew this was too good to be true..

"Back at the motel" he finished racking up the balls...

"Hmmph" Natalie looked at the table..

"what?" John sighed deep and she glanced up at him..

"Nothing, i mean must be nice that you already how someone lined up for my failure" she moved the cue ball around..

"It wasnt like that ok,..." he began and she put her stick on the table..

"Like hell it wasnt, you were just waiting for that moment" she was mad..

"Maybe at first" he said honestly..

"You could of given me another chance, shady as hell to call my uncle" she put her hands on her hips..

"Do you really want to do this right now, were enjoyinng a beer, this isnt the end of the world"

"maybe for you it isnt cause your still on the case and now you got little Miss whatever the heck her name is"

"Evangeline"

"Evange-awhore is more like it"

"You dont even know her, dont ruin this"

"Oh im sure you know her" Natalie rolled her eyes at him..

"God! Why do you have to act like such a fucking brat all the time" John spun around, he wasnt going to spend his night doing this, fuck that..

"a brat? I am not a brat" she yelled out..

"Ok maybe a spoiled little bitch who doesnt get her way is more fitting" he snapped as he turned around and her eyes got wide...

"Oh...wow your unbelievable"

"Listen i came over cause i thought that maybe we were friends and that it might actually be cool to hang out with you, i was wrong"

"friends dont throw friends under the bus!"

"I didnt throw you under the bus damn it, i was helping you, why cant you just stop for a minute and see that!"

"Helping...helping" she couldnt help but laugh sarcastically..."you made me look like an jackass!"

"Your making yourself look like a jackass right now, so you got took off the case, suck it up, be a big girl and move on"

"Screw you McBain"

"You know what, screw you Natalie" John spun around and Natalie stood there for a minute, watching him walk away, her breathing uneven..

"Wait" she called out and he kept walking.." McBain...wait" she ran up to him and he stopped this time and faced her..."This just really sucks ok" she said calmer this time, maybe he was right, maybe she was acting like a damn child..

John took a deep breath as he looked at her..."Your a good cop Natalie, and this wont be your last case, well considering were in Lanview and usually the crime rate is non exsistant, it may be" he smiled a little and she did to..

"No crime is good, remember" she said quickly as she stood there..

"One of the reasons why i moved here,...do you want to start this game or what, it seems like a huge waste not to give me the oppourtunity to kick your ass"

"Oh, so now your gonna whoop my ass at pool... glad to see you feel so confidant in yourself"

"more then confidant" he grinned...

"Oh your oozing something... what is it that i smell... oh thats it...bullshit" she smirked and he did as well..

"Bullshit, huh... why dont you show me then" he cocked his head to the side..

"deal" she said quickly and she put her hand out and he looked at it then at her..

"deal" they shook on it and headed back to the table...

The following morning..

Natalie groaned in bed, her head pounding unbelievably bad, sunlight pouring in the room,she squinted her eyes tight to block out the blinding light as she rolled herself over, her hand hitting flesh as she did so, she moved it some, it was warm, smooth, hard, she moved her hand some, she felt ribs, a stomach, her eyes popped open his dark brown hair across his face, his naked body infront of her, she gasped as his eyes opened, meeting hers, they exchanged shocked expressions..

"McBain"

"Natalie"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Natalie groaned in bed, her head pounding unbelievably bad, sunlight pouring in the room,she squinted her eyes tight to block out the blinding light as she rolled herself over, her hand hitting flesh as she did so, she moved it some, it was warm, smooth, hard, she moved her hand some, she felt ribs, a stomach, her eyes popped open his dark brown hair across his face, his naked body infront of her, she gasped as his eyes opened, meeting hers, they exchanged shocked expressions..

"McBain"

"Natalie"

She watched his eyes gaze over her, she followed his, her naked body next to him, she reacted instantly, grabbing the sheet from the bed as she jumped up and ran into an open bathroom door, slamming it closed quickly as she began to hyperventilate, wondering how in the hell she got there, where was she, how she got naked and more importantly why was John there, what the hell was going on?

John jumped up as quick as the bathroom door closed and he looked around and found a pair of his boxers on the ground, he put them on frantically, he had no idea how they got to his place, his mind went to the night before at Rodi's, his memory blank for a second, clouded with remnants of alcohol as his eyes grew wide, this wasnt good..

Natalie paced the bathroom, where the hell was she, she looked around, her eyes darting at the mens products, the mess, the one towel hanging on the door, toilet seat up, she gasped, this was Johns bathroom, she was at Johns place, and naked in his bathroom, she tried hard to remember what got her here...

_"Oh now your just trying to show off" John shook his head as she took shot after shot, everyball sinking in the pocket.._

"Your the one who doubted my mad skills" she laughed as she poured more beer down her throat..

"Mad skills huh" John laughed..."Move aside and i will show you Mad skills"

"Your going down McBain...your going down" she laughed as they continued to play..

John made his way into the kitchen in search of coffee, his head spinning, he actually felt like he may puke, he had a hangover from hell and the fact that he just had faint images of what occurred made his stomach twist as he reached for the coffee pot..

_"You young lady are runk...drunk" John slurred his words as natalie began missing her shots and stumbling some, four empty pitchers now lined the tall table.._

"you said runk" she laughed hysterically as she grabbed for her glass and totally missed it, her vision doubled now..

"i think you've had nuff of that" John tried to move the floating glass aside as she laughed some more..

"You Sir are drunking...dranking...drank...drunk?" she laughed with a puzzled look on her face as she began to walk away, banging into the table with her leg.."ouch"

"see now your gonna hurt yourself" John reached for her but he mis-stepped and ended up pushing her against the pool table as she laughed, so did he but quickly the laugher subsided as he leaned against her..

"this...is...familiar" she said with short breaths, suddenly the room seemed very hot and very small...

"I need some air" John said with a heavy breath as he backed up from her and immediately headed outside of Rodi's, Natalie waited a second then followed..

"It feels nice out here, its hot inside" she began and he turned and faced her, his hand going to her hair..

"its hot out here too" his voice was raspy and her stomach clenched as his hand moved down the side of her face, gently pushing back a long red lock of hair..

"so hot" she bit her bottom lip as she looked at him and he licked his lips..

"I have AC in my place, we could cool off a bit" his cock jumped in his jeans at the sight of her..

"Lead the way"

John wiped his face quickly as he reached for a coffee cup, his heart was pounding in his chest as he began pouring the coffee, he glanced at his bedroom door wondering if she was planning on coming out anytime soon, part of him wanted to dart out of the apartment..

Natalie stared at herself in the mirror, she was having difficulties remaining calm under these circumstances, images flying through her head..

_The feeling of her back being slammed against the wall in the darkened hallway made her gasp as his mouth savagely attacked hers, his tongue darting into her warm mouth, his hands on her wrists as he held them against the wall, the sound of their panting filling the air as he pulled back and fumbled with his keys, and with a click his apartment door opened and he was dragging her inside as her back now slammed into the closed apartment door.._

His hands were all over her, pulling on her tank top as she frantically pulled at the buttons on his shirt..There was no time being wasted as he yanked her shirt up and over her head, throwing it off into the distance as she pushed his shirt off his shoulders and reached for his belt and his mouth went to her delicate neck and she moaned in anticipation, god he felt so good!

His hands roughly cupped her breasts making a moan escape into the air as her hands went to his long thick hair..

"You are so fucking hot" he groaned as he nipped at the exposed skin on her breasts, his hands working their way to her back unfastening her bra and quickly tossing it away..

John sipped at the cold coffee as his eyes darted to the remnants of the night before, her clothes thrown about, a bra thrown onto the couch, panties on the floor, his boxers against the chair, his shirt in a pile on the floor with what he could only imagine was the remainder of her clothes, he poured the coffee down his throat quickly..

It seemed like forever as they threw each others clothes across the small apartment, but soon they were both completely naked, taking in the view of each others bodies with desire filled eyes as their mouths yet again crashed into each other as their bodies pressed dangerously hard into one another as moans escaped from the contact of his hard flesh against her soft warm body..

He felt strong, more then strong he was powerful the way he grabbed her, she had to brace herself on his strong arms as he lifted her up by her ass, immediately implanting her on his hard cock in one swift move, no time for her body to adjust or recover as he buried himself completely in her tight, hot , wet body..

"Ahhhh" she cried out in pain and in pleasure as his size invaded her unsuspecting body..

"Oh fuck" he called out into the apartment as she encased him deliciously and her nails dug deeper into his arms, scratching him..

Johns eyes moved to his arms and the war wounds that were left, visible scratch marks, a bite mark on his chest, he leaned his head against the fridge as he tried to even his breathing..

Natalie covered her face in the bathroom as she tried to calm herself down but the sight of her wrists got her attention as she saw the light bruises on them in the shape of fingers, she closed her eyes tight...

_He pumped his cock into her hard as he grabbed her tiny wrists with his one hand, holding them above her head as his other hand held the wall that he fucked her insanely against, she was writhing in ecstacy as he held her there, his rigid cock driving up inside her wildly as his mouth contained her screams of pleasure.._

Her body pulsated against him, flooding his cock as she came again and again in a serious of glutteral moans..He was fucking her into oblivion and the intensity of it was sending her through the roof and then crashing back down..

His legs shook, his knees almost buckled and he spun her around, his hands going to her ass as he made his way to the couch but he didnt put her on it, instead he pried her tight pulsating core from him and spun her around, bending her body over as he yanked her hips back and then grounded his cock deep inside her once more as she arched her back, her head swinging back towards him as he grabbed her long locks in one hand, his other hand on her hip tight as he crashed his way repeatedly into her shaking body..

Every luscious slap of his balls against her bare ass send waves of pleasure through her body as unrecognizable words left her mouth, the sound of slapping wet flesh filled the air..

"You fucking like that dont you!" he groaned out as his hand went to her throat and he held his hand there firmly as he fucked her from behind..

"fuck yeah" she cried out in passion as he began slamming his cock with force into her tiny body..."Dont stop...oh god dont stop"

He could barely contain himself as he fucked her relentlessly, his balls tightening as his legs tensed and he stood on the balls of his feet slamming every inch of himself into her waiting body, and he tried to hold off, he didnt want this to end but her hand came between them, cupping his balls, and he lost it, burying himself deep inside her as his cock pumped into her with force as he bit down on her neck. Growling as he did so..

Natalie ran her hand over the small bite mark on her neck, she was shaking now as the memories came flooding back to her..

John moved her remaining clothes off the floor and quickly brought them into the room, placing them on the bed as he glanced at the bathroom door contemplating knocking on it but he couldnt bring himself to do that, so he quickly got out of the room and closed the door, making his way to the couch, he felt light headed..

Natalie heard the bedroom door close and she jumped as she stood in the bathroom, she waited a second and finally glanced out, she could of jumped for joy when she saw her clothes on the bed and the bedroom door closed, she ran and got them and headed back in the bathroom, getting dressed in record speed as she silently cursed herself..

"what did you do, what did you do...stupid...stupid" she repeated to herself as she got dressed..

John now dressed back in last nights clothes sat on the couch, his head in his hands..."so stupid...so very stupid...what were you thinking" he scolded himself as he sat there but there was no denying his body was still reeling from the effects of the night before..

Getting the nerve to walk out of the bedroom was the hardest thing Natalie had done in quite sometime, her legs still shaky, her head pounding, she didnt even want to see him, she just wanted to get the hell out of there, and she quickly opened the door and John spun around as he sat on the couch, he seemed as jumpy as her, it was a bit of a relief, their eyes locked, no one said anything, she saw her purse, she reached for it..

She took off without a seconds warning, she bolted down a flight of stairs, having no idea where she was until she reached the sunlight and the familiar bar next door, it was Rodi's, he lived next to Rodi's, thank god for small favors, she saw her car, she darted for it..

John watched her from his window as she ran to her car, he had a million and one things going on in his head and those were all jolted by his phone ringing, he looked around quickly, following the noise, he pulled off a couch cushion, there it was, he answered it..

"McBain" he said roughly and cleared his throat..

"Where the hell are you John... were suppose to be going to Tracers today" Evangeline barked, apparently angry..

"shit... give me 20 minutes" he grumbled, damn it how could he of forgotten about today!

"You drank all night?" she huffed into the phone..

"Im on my way ok...shit" he hung up the phone quick and ran into the bathroom to get ready..

Natalie got home and immediately jumped in the shower, she was surprised she hadnt crashed her car as she drove cause she was shaking like crazy, she let the water run down her body, desperately trying to wash away the memory of the night before but with little help..

_John's sated body laid against her back, panting as she was..She couldnt move, her legs felt non exsistant as she slumped over the couch, her body still on fire as the final pulsating of his penis came to a halt.._

But then he was kissing her neck, softly at first, just barely his lips brushing her soft skin and she felt her body immediately react and he felt it too as her tight muscles encased his penis with tiny throbs..

"mmmmm" he moaned against her ear and slowly removed himself from her as he dragged her body up with his, no one saying a word as he led her to the bedroom, she didnt even get a chance to see the bed before she felt her back on it and his delicious weight against hers as he kissed her more feverishly now..

John sat at the bar at Tracers as Evangeline danced up on stage but he couldnt help but think about what happened the night before..

_His tongue explored every inch of her body, savouring her as she squirmed beneath him on his bed, she was hot, so hot she could start a fire and his groin was swelling yet again at an alarming rate as he spread her legs before him.._

"well i have to say i am impressed" Stephen began , snapping John out of his thoughts..

"she's good" John said quickly as he took a sip of his drink and Evangeline continued to dance without a flaw..

"no, im impressed that you have yet another fine young lady up here with you, what happened to Peaches, i so was hoping she would come back" Stephen sipped his drink..

"she was just a fling" John began as his mind flashed to her writhing in bed beneath him..

"well i cant really say that you upgraded" Stephen grinned and John looked at him..."no offense i mean Candy over here is quite delicious herself" he grinned big.. "I am quite jealous, the amount of action you must be getting, i could get you some more, how would you like a job" that got Johns attention as he looked at Stephen..

"what about Candy, is she in?" John said quickly and Stephen grinned..

"Oh yes, definitely but i need a bouncer, a good one and you seem to have some strength behind you plus the girls here will love you and you know the saying, keep the bitches happy and business will be good"

John fought the urge to grab Stephen by his throat, he had a part to play.." Im in"

"great" Stephen stood as the crowd went wild and Evangeline came walking over, a robe on her naked body as she put her hand seductively on John.."how would you like to start tonight?"

"I would love to" Evangeline grinned as she looked at John then Stephen..

Natalie tried to block the images from her mind as she went about her day but with no avail.. She had slept with John, drunken, hot, intense sex, no this wouldnt be considered sex, they fucked and her body was still reeling from it, the sound of a knock on her door snapped her from her thoughts of how she was even going to face him after this..

"Nat i heard, i am so sorry" Gigi began as she made her way inside Natalie's apartment.."whats up with the long sleeved winter get up, its boiling out" Gigi looked at Natalie puzzlingly..

"Just feeling a little cold, thats all..." she tried not to think of the marks she was hiding on her body but she could still feel every single one of them, as if they were burning her skin..

"ok then,...so is it true that McBain just lost it and called you off the case, i mean cause that is fucked up"

"I really dont want to get into it Gi,... I cant believe everyone is talking about it" natalie shook her head, she knew it would go around but this fast?

"I mean he is a loose cannon Nat, Cris told me about the fight, and he just attacked him out of no where, i mean he may be hot but still"

"what? Cris told you" natalie was immediately annoyed, cris just couldnt mind his own damn business..

"Cris is so worried about you, and now that your off the case" she began and Natalie cut her off..

"Cris is an asshole for starters, John had every right to hit him" Natalie said defensively and it took Gigi off guard, it kind of took Natalie off guard too..

"wooa hold up, why the hell are you defending that jerk, he got you fired Nat" Gigi said with confusion..

"He didnt get me fired Gi,... ok its more complicated then that and Cris almost jeopardized the case, then he called me a whore"

"Oh no he didnt... oh my god Nat" Gigi gasped..

"Yeah he is a jerk not McBain, he was just doing his job...i fucked up" natalie slumped on the couch and Gigi sat next to her..

"wow... im sorry"

"its fine i just hate that everyone is already starting rumors, its just embarassing" Natalie sighed, how was she going to face everyone at work, she would have to work thhat much harder now just to show she had what it took, and then there was John, she couldnt even think of that..

"Come out with me tonight Nat, a couple of us from the station are heading downtown to check out a few clubs, you need to get out girl, show everyone that your not affected by this"

"I dont know" Natalie said with uncertainty..

"come on it will be fun, maybe if you mingle more with your co-workers everyone will just chill, just cause were cops doesnt mean we have to lead boring lives, were young, lets have fun"

"Fun leads to trouble" Natalie sighed..

"were officers of the law Nat, we stop trouble" Gigi smiled and Natalie did too..

"Ok ok...fine...what time?"

"8, i will pick you up" Gigi jumped off off the couch, excitement in her voice.."this is going to be fun Nat, i promise"

Natalie let Gigi out and closed the door, maybe if she got out with everyone, showed them that she was going to be grown up about this then everyone would stop talking.., Natalie pulled the sleeve up on her shirt and she sighed deep, now this would be interesting to hide from everyone, she could easily hide the numerous hickies and tiny bite marks with a shirt but her wrists, this would be difficult, she closed her eyes..

_His drunken gaze tore into her as he rocked his body against hers, she clawed at his back, leaning up and biting his chest some as his pace got faster and harder.. He held her down on the bed as he drove himself into her until she was screaming in ectasy.._

Natalie snapped herself from her thoughts, she had to stop thinking about it, he looked just as surprised as her when she saw him in the morning, this was just a huge mistake, a gigantic mistake and she would make sure and let him know that as soon as she saw him..


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Natalie was a nervous wreck as she got ready, not only cause she had sex wounds to hide but she had really never hung out with her peers, she always just kind of stuck to herself and she was worried about how they were going to accept her, if they even would..

She covered the marks on her body with makeup and she put a few bracelets on to hide the now slightly fading marks on her wrists, she couldnt even look at them anymore cause everytime she did she had a jolt go through her body and flashbacks that seem to haunt her..

John got himself dressed in the motel room as Evangeline got ready in the bathroom, he was having difficulties concentrating, he could still smell her, taste her, feel her.. He quickly buttoned his shirt, this was ridiculous and totally unprofessional, she looked mortified when she saw him, and that image stayed in his head, had he taken advantage of her, he was sure he had just taken a huge leap to creepy old man..

John wasnt a virgin to the whole one night stand thing, he had his fair share but even this was low for him, he never mingled with co-workers, thats what got him so fucked up with Evangeline cause they mixed work with pleasure, but he had slept with his bosses niece, this was bad..

Natalie felt shy for the first time in her life as her and Gigi got to Capricorn, a small club downtown, she was nervous to see how this night would end up and apparently Gigi could feel it as well..

"Just relax girl, unwind... everyone is really cool and you know half of them, they work with you" Gigi said with a smile and natalie faked one.."how about we get a drink"

"now that sounds more like it" Natalie smiled as they headed through the crowded club and towards the bar..

As they neared the bar a few people began waving them down and Natalie immediately recognized them as Jody, Tammy and George fellow officers, Brody the forensic tech, and Carol the receptionist, she sucked in a deep breath as Gigi ran over to them and they all stared at Natalie as she came by..

"so i actually dragged Nat out with us tonight" Gigi began as everyone smiled and greeted her, she felt a little more at ease, maybe this wouldnt be so bad..

Everyone was being very cool with her, they were all around the same age, all fairly new and so they grabbed a few drinks and headed off to a large table..

No one seemed to bring up Natalie's situation and she was grateful for that as they all shared stories, drank and laughed, it was turning out to be a great night after all..

They all even ended up on the dance floor, they were having a blast as the drinks ran freely through them all but the night was coming to an end and they had called a taxi to come get them as they headed outside into the cool night air..

"I had a blast Gigi, i am so glad i came" Natalie smiled big as they waited on their cab..

"Me too, we have to do this more often, i told you everyone was going to love you"

As the cab pulled up they got inside and headed back home.. Natalie stared out the window immediately realizing why this place seemed so familiar, this is where Tracers was, her heart began to sink as they drove down the familiar road..

"so you are coming to work tomorrow, right" gigi began and natalie's eyes grew wide as they got stuck at a light right in front of Tracers..

"Yep" she said quickly as she watched John and Evangeline come walking out, smiling and laughing, hand in hand, she almost puked at the sight..

"Oh crap will you look at that" Gigi noticed as she looked out the window.."thats the new girl... she looks like a tramp"

"yeah she fits the part pretty well huh" Natalie said sarcastically as her eyes locked in on them and then she watched them kiss and she turned away quick...

"wow, thats some kiss" Gigi said quickly and Natalie stared straight forward, it was amazing how something so small as watching John kiss another woman could ruin her entire night, not like she didnt expect him too, they were on a case right, then she thought about him kissing her that night when they were on the case, and how they were sleeping in the same bed, something told her that Evange-awhore wasnt so against being in the bed with him...

"you gotta admit he is hot even if he is a jerk" Gigi laughed and Natalie just shook her head, now she just wanted to get home and forget what she just saw.."Man i could imagine the things i would do to him"

"Yuck Gi... come on he is an old dude" Natalie lied cause there was nothing old about him at all but if she had to listen to Gigi's secret fantasies with McBain when she had just had the real thing, well she may just puke..

"I can call him daddy anytime" Gigi laughed and Natalie rolled her eyes sarcastically..

By the time Natalie got home she felt completely sober and annoyed, how could she of slept with a player, how could she of let her guard down like that and make herself so vulnerable, she was disgusted with herself and ashamed..

Her mind was racing about what him and Evange-awhore would be doing, it drove her crazy, she pulled out the business card from her purse and stared at it, Evangeline Williams, she hated that name..

John sat up in the chair staring at the tv with a beer in his hand as Evangeline laid in the bed..

"I dont know why you insist on sleeping in that damn chair John, were both adults" she huffed as she laid in the bed and stared at the ceiling..

"cause ive been in that bed before i know what happens there" he said dryly as he sipped his beer..

"Oh come on, its not like we are new to this John, we use to have good times in beds just like this one" she rubbed her hand on the bed seductively and he glanced at her..

"That was awhile ago" he looked back at the tv and now she sat up and sighed dramatically...

"were wasting a perfectly good bed"

"wasting it would be leaving it empty but its not, your in it" he continued to stare at the tv and she got up now, completely naked as she walked in front of him and now he looked up and she smiled..

"You can touch me John, i wont bite" she smiled seductively and he stood up slowly, his hands went to her hips and she smiled more, he moved her aside..

"goodnight Evangeline" he said as he made his way into the bathroom..

John washed his face with cold water, staring at himself in the mirror but he didnt see just himself, Natalie was standing behind him, smiling at him with that sarcastic little smile..

Knocking at the bathroom door made her disappear as he sighed loud..

"John come on, dont do this" Evangeline called out and he opened the door, she had the sheet wrapped around her now.."whats going on with you, i thought we were friends"

"we are...friends..." he said quickly as he moved past her and she sighed..

"Im not asking for a relationship John, god knows you dont do that" she hissed and he turned and looked at her..

"were not sleeping together Evangeline, not now, not tomorrow, not again, we have a case were working on, end of story" he said coldly and she glared at him..

"wow your still just the same miserable man from back in the day, what a shame" she spun around and got into the bed, turning over so her back was facing him and he found the chair again and sat in it..

Natalie awoke the next day with a headache and she had to get ready for work, but it wasnt the alcohol hurting her head it was the kiss she witnessed even though everything inside her screamed not to care, she worked with him, that was all, so they got drunk and had a night of pure unadulterated sex, they were adults, it was nothing more then just that, sex!

She got herself dressed and ready atleast he wouldnt be at work today so she wouldnt have to worry about having an awkward moment with him, thank god for small favors she thought as she grabbed her keys and headed to the station..

Natalie made her way inside the precient and headed to her office after sharing a few hellos with her new friends, she was going to get to work and keep herself busy today.

She made a quick stop at the break room, the overwhelming smell of coffee was delicious and she went to make a cup but immediately froze when she saw him, John standing at the coffee pot, looking like he hadnt slept all night, Natalie couldnt help but imagine why and the thought made her ill..

Natalie cleared her throat loud and John spun around, looking just as shocked as her..

"is it ready" she spit out quickly and he looked at the coffee pot then her..

"in a second, i think" he stared back at the coffee pot..

"hows the case coming along" she asked quickly, she wasnt about to let awkward silence get the best of her..

"Good...good, hows things with you" he glanced down at her wrists that she was nervously rubbing and the image of him pinning her against the wall flooded his mind, he looked away quickly..

"wonderful" she faked a smile and stared at the coffee pot watching the last few drips come out..

"good" he repeated himself as he ran a nervous hand through his hair.."so..."

"so" it was inevitable, the awkward silence was coming and fast as they stood there..

"Oh hey, coffee, thank god!" Brody said loud as he startled them both and came into the break room then stopped and looked at them as they both stared at the coffee pot..."what are we looking at?" he whispered and natalie began to laugh nervously..

"Nothing, was just waiting on the coffee, yep its done" she felt like an idiot as she grabbed for a cup and John kind of stood back some..

"Last night was alot of fun, we really got to do it again sometime, i had no idea you could dance like that" Brody grinned as he made his coffee and John just stared at them, she went out last night, with him?

"Thanks, it was fun and definitely, we'll definitely do it again" she was just happy for the conversation at the moment, she didnt even look in Johns direction which was good cause the look on his face was priceless..

"Yeah? How about this week?" Brody lit up as he asked and Natalie swallowed hard, was he asking her out, she now glanced at John who had the most bizarre look on his face.."I mean if your not busy" Brody seemed to be getting nervous and John couldnt help the sigh that left his throat and they both turned and looked at him..

"I would like to get coffee sometime today, so if you could take this cute little banter somewhere else" John said blantantly as Brody turned red and Natalie just looked at him, he almost sounded jealous..

"Im sorry man, here ya go" Brody moved aside as John grabbed a cup..

"How about i get back to you in a little bit" Brody said quickly, apparently uncomfortable being around John, he seemed to do that to alot of people, he was very intimidating..

"yeah, sure" natalie finished up with her coffee as brody left the room and she turned for the door..

"Natalie" John said quickly and she froze, her heart racing.."can i talk to you in my office"

"Actually im kind of busy" she said quickly wanting to avoid talking to him any further..

"it wont take long" John walked past her and she sighed as she followed him, this wasnt going to be good, she could sense it already..

Natalie took the dreaded walk to his office, she felt like a child about to be scolded by the principal but what could he possibly want to say to her, she felt her heart race wondering if he was going to bring up the event..

John was standing at the door waiting for her to enter, and she did just that and he closed the door behind them and she stood frozen..

"Listen im just going to throw this out there ok.." he took a deep breath.."i think its great your being sociable and everything but i need to insist that you do not discuss an ongoing case with anyone, including other officers"

She looked at him confusingly.."Im sorry what?" she wasnt expecting him to say that..

"Im hoping your going to remain professional and not talk about the case to anyone" he said again.."actually it wouldnt be wise right now for you to be out galavanting and everything cause if someone sees you, someone from tracers"

"Galavanting..your joking right?" she couldnt believe he was telling her this..

"Do i look like i am joking" he said with a straight face, this was beyond uncomfortable for her and she just looked at him.."Is there a problem?"

"apparently not" she shook her head with a small sarcastic laugh.."is that all, Luietenant?" he was totally not even going to say anything about the other night as much as she was grateful it kind of irked her..

"You understand, right... people's lives are at stake here and it would be a shame if something happened all because you had to run around on dates" he stared her straight in the eye..

"Dates?" she laughed to herself..

"what is so funny?" he knew he was coming off as a jackass but it was better then exposing himself..

"You brought me in here to tell me not to date anyone?" she shook her head.."for the case "

"Listen Buchanan you can do whatever you like, im not your babysitter, im just saying that it would be unprofessional" he immediately wanted to remove the foot from his mouth..

"Buchanan...Unprofessional...gotcha" she spun around, he was unbelievable..

"we have an understanding?" he called out and she shook her head..

"Yes sir, loud and clear" she snapped as she walked out of his office and John leaned back in his chair, running a hand over his face..

"Ok that could of gone better" he said to himself as he sat there, feeling like a complete ass..

Natalie made her way back to her office mumbling something on the lines of arrogant asshole, smug son of a bitch, she couldnt believe he totally avoided the subject of them having sex, there was no way he didnt remember, she had seen his face when she stepped out of his bedroom, oh he knew, he definitely knew, were they just going to completely pretend it didnt happen?

John sat back in his chair, his mind racing as he saw the kid from earlier walking past and he couldnt help himself..

"Hey... Brody, right? Can you come in here" he called the now frightened looking guy into the office..

"Y-y-es" brody's voice shook a little and he stood up straighter.."Can i get you something Sir"

John kind of enjoyed this power he had over the officers here, sure everyone stayed away from him, mainly cause they were scared to death, of what he had no idea..

"I just wanted to have a word with you quick, close the door please, sit down"

"Ok?"Brody said as he swallowed hard and shut the door behind him, and quickly took a seat as he looked up at John..

"I just wanted to go over somethings with you, i know im new here and all but i was wondering if you could tell me what the rules are here at the station, mainly about co-workers dating and such" John knew this was a low blow but then again he couldnt help himself, and there was no stopping him now..

Brody looked at him with wide, confused eyes, it almost made John want to laugh.."Ummm Sir, im a little...ummm confused, about what your asking"

John smiled, inside he wanted to kick himself, what the hell was he doing, he sighed deep.."is it in your opinion professional for co-workers to date?"

"No Sir" Brody looked like he was about to pass out as he looked at John..

"You know i came from Atlantic City, its a big city, ive seen alot of things" John leaned back in his chair.."and one thing that always led to trouble was inter office dating, you know what i mean"

"Yes?" Brody swallowed hard..

"so you have been a fan of inter office dating?"

"No...No Sir, not at all, you dont mix business with pleasure" Brody spit out quickly and John smiled..

"Thats what i like to hear cause the last thing this station needs is drama, do you agree, were here for one reason and one reason alone, am i right?"

"Yes sir, to protect and serve" Brody looked like a deer caught in the headlights and John nodded..

"alright then, this was a good talk, dont you think?" he stared at Brody who just nodded his head.."You got work to do, right?"

"Yes...yes i do" Brody got up quickly, nearly knocking over the chair as he did so...

"close the door behind you please" John smiled as the kid scurried out, closing the door as John put his face in his hands...

"what the hell are you doing man, get a grip on yourself" John cursed to himself as he sat in there, he was losing his mind, that had to be it, he was slowly losing his mind..

John really couldnt help himself, he knew what he was doing was wrong, so wrong on so many different levels, he was acting like a child now, scolding Natalie and scaring the crap out of Brody and all because his mind was stuck on the other night with natalie and he knew damn well that he wouldnt let it go any further, hell he couldnt even bring himself to say anything to her about it, it would never happen again but knowing that other guys were taking interest, it surprised him how he felt about that, he felt something he hadnt felt in years, pure, unadulterated jealousy, the kind that would drive a man mad..


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Natalie couldnt wait for the day to end, she was aggravated and annoyed.. People around here were acting weird again, starting with Brody who hours earlier was being nice as could be and now when she passed him in the hall he barely looked at her as he scurried away, damn men!

She tried to stop thinking about her uncomfortable encounter with a certain leiutenant earlier that day but in all reality she was really just pissed..

Its not like she never had a one night stand before, ok it was rare but she had a few of them in her life but this was different, she worked with him and the fact that neither of them were talking about that fateful night made her anxious..

John could barely work as he sat in his office, he found himself spying on her, watching her from afar, what the hell was he doing, it was driving him crazy and better yet interfering with his job, he shouldnt even be there, he should be with Evangeline but here he was at the station acting as if he was checking up things with work and he was really checking out Natalie..

He hadnt felt this way, this obsessed since Caitlin and that seemed like ages ago now, he never really thought he would feel this way, this attracted to another human being,and it wasnt just cause she was smoking hot cause she was definitely that, there was something else about her, she intrigued him, she made him think, hell she made him laugh and smile, not to mention the drunken night they spent together was mind blowing, even for him..

He found himself researching her online, finding out everything he could about her, about her family, her childhood, past boyfriends which there werent many, he quickly closedhis laptop as he saw a flash of red walk past his office, his body immediately reacting as she moved past his office..

Where was she going, or better yet who was she going to see, why the hell did it matter so much to him, he spun his chair around and glanced out the window, there she was, outside, getting in her car, he waited a second and got up too..

She was sitting at Rodi's now,.. she knew she had to stop doing this, drinking away her problems, it wasnt going to help her but for now it eased some of her worries, or atleast masked them so she didnt have to think about them..

"why you look so down Red" Mac said as he walked over to her and she glanced up at him, was it that obvious..

"Oh just a long day Mac, a long day" she sighed..

"well you seemed to be hitting it off really good with the new detective the other day, do i detect love is in the air" he smiled and Natalie felt herself turn a million shades of red..

"Oh god no... he is nothing but an arrogant piece of" she began as Mac glanced up and she turned her head just in time to see the arrogant one walking in Rodi's.."Great" she sighed, why did he have to go there, granted he lived next door but geez this was her bar!

"How ya doing Mac" John called out, he glanced at natalie and then brought his attention back to Mac..

"Good detective and you, Lanview treating you ok" Mac walked away from the table and towards the bar as natalie grabbed her beer and headed to a secluded corner, maybe if she sat far enough away she could pretend he wasnt there and just enjoy her night..

John watched her from the bar as he made small talk with Mac, apparently it wasnt lost on him..

"You know you could see her better if you walk over there detective" Mac grinned as he cleaned the bar table..

"No i wasnt" John began to mumble, embarassed he was caught staring at her..

"she a good girl, been coming here for years, good cop too" Mac smiled softly and John nodded..

And that was it, she was a good girl, too good, oh the things he wanted to do to her, things that would surely make him go to hell if he wasnt already on the waiting list, he brought his attention back to Mac..

Natalie stared at the pool table as she drank her beer, she refused to turn around and see him, oh she knew he was there, she could feel it, she glanced at her beer remembering what happened last time she drank here and she quickly knocked those thoughts from her head..

She absolutely hated that this place would now harbor those memories, damn it she would have to find another bar!

"Natalie?" she heard a familiar voice and her eyes closed, this night just keeps on getting better and better, she turned her head to meet those brown eyes, Cris's.."hey" he said softly as he moved in front of her table..

"Hi Cris" she said quickly, why oh why did he have to show up..

Johns eyes darted across the room when he heard that voice, the same voice that made his fist slam into a certain nose and he stared at Cris who was attempting to make small talk with Natalie, he contemplated going over there but he stopped himself..

"You look good Nat" he said genuinely and she faked a smile..

"thanks" she sipped her beer..

"do you mind if i sit with you"

"actually im just really wanting to be alone" she began and he glanced at the bar and sighed then looked at her..

"I dont know why your trying to get involved with him" Cris began and she stared at him hard..

"Im not getting involved with anyone not that it is any of your business, god Cris why do you have to always do that" she was annoyed now, he was going to ruin her buzz..

"cause i worry about you damn it" he raised his voice some, catching Johns attention yet again as he braced himself to walk over there..

"well i really dont need you to worry about me Cris" she huffed as she finished off her beer and began to stand up..

"well i do alright, I care about you, why cant you see that" he began to raise his voice some more and now she had had just about enough..

"Oh i can see it and you know what, its creeping me out, now excuse me" she stormed past him and towards the bar, she didnt even care that John was sitting there, staring at her now, she walked right past him, ignoring him as she ordered another drink..

"I bet your happy now, you come into this town on your damn high horse" she heard Cris say loud and she knew who it was directed to, so did John as he turned around, looking at Cris..

"Im sorry...what?" he asked with his head cocked, this guy had to be joking, he had no idea who he was messing with..

"You heard me, you come here thinking you can run this town" Cris said sarcastically and Natalie spun around..

"Enough, Cris" she said through her teeth and he looked at her hard..

"No... i want to hear what else this inbred has to say" John spit out quickly as he stood..

"I dont want any trouble in here" Mac said as he walked over, looking both John and Cris over..

"Dont worry Mac, this punk aint worth my time" John said quickly as he spun around, but Natalie's scream made him turn, just in time to get hit right across the face with a glass beer bottle..

"CRIS!" Natalie yelled as she jumped up just as the blow of glass hit John in the side of the face..

John didnt have a seocnd to react as his head went swinging back, and he felt the warm liquid seeping from his skin, he saw red literally, figuartively and he jumped on Cris as the two flew on the ground, fists flying as Natalie screamed out in horror..

"STOP IT!" she yelled but neither of them were listening as Mac ran to the phone, first time he ever had to call the cops about cops..

"You should of knocked me out asshole" John yelled as his fists slammed repeatedly into Cris who was becoming covered in a pool of blood..

"John...stop...stop your gonna kill him" Natalie yelled as the bar went into chaos..

John hit one more final time into Cris's limp body that was now saturated in blood, and he looked up to see a horrified Natalie standing there, tears in her eyes..

"Oh my god!" she screamed as she looked at the scene before her..

John looked at Cris, his heart began to race, he looked around at the frightened patrons that were looking on, he quickly felt for a pulse, relief filled him, he was alive, badly hurt but alive..

"He's ok...he's ok" John said quickly as to reassure everyone as sirens could be heard and the reality of the situation came to a screeching halt, what had he done?

"My god" Natalie knelt on the ground before Cris who was now coming to as John stood up..

"i didnt mean to...he hit me first,...he fucking hit me" John began to yell at everyone who was looking at him, and he backed up till his back hit the bar, his hands bloody as he looked at them..

"cris...cris" natalie said as she wiped the blood from his eyes..

"Put your hands were i can see them" a loud voice rang into the place and everyone turned to see two officers standing in the doorway, guns drawn..

"he's fine...he's breathing" John began to walk towards him..

"Stop...right there, put your hands up" the officer demanded as John looked around, this was really happening, he put his bloodied hands up.."turn around...NOW"

John did as he was told, this was like a crazy nightmare, choas all around him, then he felt the cuffs slapped on his wrists, he remained calm mainly cause he was now totally in shock over what just happend, he could of killed Cris, he almost did, he had lost control, he coudlnt believe this was happening..

Natalie went with Cris to the hospital, she couldnt let him go by himself, she was frightened by what she saw, granted Cris started it all and she would let Bo know that but John damn near beat him to death, that side of him scared the shit out of her, he had totally lost control and she wondered if he was slowly snapping at the seams..

"Thank you for coming... i cant believe he did this...psycho" cris said softly and natalie shook her head..

"Dont misunderstand me being here Cris, you hit him in the face with a bottle, a damn bottle, your lucky he didnt kill you, i just wanted to make sure your ok" she snapped, she couldnt believe he was gonna try the sympathy card on her, she was there, she saw what happened..

"It was an accident" Cris tried to touch her hand as he laid in the hospital bed and she yanked her hand back from him..

"well your lucky you didnt get yourself accidently killed" she made her way to the door..

"Natalie i love you" Cris yelled and she kept walking, she had to go to the station now, she had to talk to John...

John sat in the small uncomfortable interogating room, the ones you bring criminals too, not him, he wasn't a god damn criminal..Bo walked in and he immediately saw one pissed off boss, he didnt speak..

"are you purposely trying to make me angry, are you trying to blow this case, are you trying to make me relieve you of your duties right now detective!" Bo said through angry gritted teeth..

"i dont know what got into me" John put his head down, there was no right words to say right now..

"You battered an officer,... in a public place, your an officer of the law damn it, or does that not mean anything to you!" Bo yelled now and john looked up at him..

"with all due respect Sir...you see this" John pointed to the gash on his head.."this is from Cris, i turned around and he assaulted me, i defended myself"

"apparently too well, he is in the hospital and your lucky, so fucking lucky he is being discharged tonight" Bo said with a warning tone.."I should suspend you both"

"he started it" John said quickly and Bo slammed his hand on the table..

"what is this high school...i dont care who started, i will finish it!" Bo yelled.."This aint some big city where you can just go around hitting people cause they piss you off"

"it wasnt like" John began and Bo cut him off..

"I asked you here cause your a damn good detective, i had my concerns, i read your file, i know your background but i trusted you, i had trust in you" Bo said with disappointment in his voice as he looked at John.."Now what am i suppose to do, huh... just give you a slap on the wrist" Bo began to pace.."there is a murderer on the loose or have you forgotten that, why are you even in this part of town detective, where is your partner!" Bo demanded..

"she's at the motel Sir" John hung his head down again..

"why is she there alone?..WHY?" Bo yelled as John looked up, he had no answer.."is this about Natalie, is this about my neice?"

"No...its not" John lied cause this was all about her, every single thing since he got to this god forsaken town and saw her had been about her..

"Im gonna make this clear, right now...and your going to listen, i dont like you very much right now Detective Mcbain and i dont want you by my neice, your reckless, tempermental and out of control, your going to stay here to finish this case until i find a replacement, you have put people's lives at risk here, now i have to make sure the media stays quiet and nothing leaks out" Bo ran a hand over his tired face, he was getting way to old for this crap.."You do your job, you live your job, you do what you have to , to catch this son of a bitch then you get your ass out of my town and not a second later, do we have an understanding...do we?"

"Yes Sir" John bit back his anger as he looked at his boss..

"we better, now get the fuck out of here, go back to that motel and do your job!" Bo stormed away as John stood up and walked out the door..

Natalie made her way to the station just in time to witness John walking out and she immediately got out of her car as he glanced up at her and continued walking away..

"John...wait" she called out but he didnt stop.."John" she yelled again as she now ran up to him.."Jesus dont you hear me" she snapped..

"Not now, ok, just go away" he just wanted to walk home and forget about this night..

"But what happened,... and your head" she stood in front of him now and he nudged her aside as he kept walking.."hey, what the fuck is your problem, i just wanted to see if you were ok"

"Im fine, just fucking dandy Natalie, cant you tell" he snapped at her as he walked..

"well im worried" she grabbed his arm this time and now he stopped and looked at her..

"dont be,...i am none of your concern" he snagged his arm back and kept walking..

"let me atleast look at your head, you could need stitches" she began as she grabbed his arm again and this time he spun around and grabbed her arms, hard too..

"NO...no Natalie, stop it ok... i dont want your help, just cause we slept together one time doesnt mean you owe me a damn thing, ok, so stop trying to help, i dont want it, i dont want you" his words sliced through her and he let go of her arms as she stood there, blown away by his words, she watched him walk for a few more seconds as she tried to collect her thoughts..

"You unbelievable bastard" she yelled..."How fucking dare you" he kept walking.."sleeping with you was the worst mistake of my life, thats why i didnt say anything about it cause i was disgusted with myself!" she yelled and he stopped and faced her, atleast 20 feet away now..

"good cause i felt the same way" he spoke coldly and spun around, continuing to walk..

"Caitlyn was lucky to perish in that fire, lucky that she didnt have to spend one more miserable minute with you" she yelled before she thought and he stopped now, and within seconds he was running up to her with pure rage in his eyes..

"dont you ever, ever speak her name again" he said in a low threatening tone as he looked at her, she saw the emotion in his eyes for the first time and she immediately regretted her choice of words..

"Im sorry, i didnt mean to" she began as he just looked at her..

"Your nothing to me, pathetic little spoiled bitch, you make me sick to my stomach, trying to be someone your not, LOOK AT YOU, walking around like your somebody, your nothing just some fucked up little girl who has nothing going for her, i fucked you out of pity, someone had to, it was the only way to get you to shut the fuck up" he yelled and spun around as her eyes filled with tears..

"fuck you... do you hear me ...fuck you mcbain" her voice shook and he sucked back the tears in his eyes as he walked..

"Fuck you natalie, stay the fuck out of my life!" he yelled as she spun around and ran back to the station in tears and he kept walking as a few tears fell down his face, he had to get the fuck out of this fucked up town, the sooner the better..

Natalie jumped back into her car, she was crying hysterically now, it felt as though she was punched in the stomach, he was so hurtful to her, she literally felt like she was in pain as she sped off down the road to her apartment, she was literally sick to her stomach..

Two weeks had passed since that day, too incredibly long weeks, two weeks of not seeing John which she was happy for, she would be happy to never see him ever again, not that her recent bout of a nasty flu could of helped her from not going into work, she had been so sick for days now but thankfully it was beginning to subside but now as Natalie now stood in her apartment bathroom, her eyes wide, filled with tears as she looked down at the small white stick in her hand, a lump in her throat as she read the small pink words jumping out at her..

Pregnant

John rolled over in the small motel room bed, his sleep was few and far inbetween these days, he kept his head in the case, literally and figuartively as he glanced at the naked Evangeline next to him, he had fallen into his same routine, why not everything else in his life seem to suck ass right about now, if it wasnt for this case he probably would of drank himself into oblivion, so he became what he was good at, the miserable i dont give a fuck guy who does what he wants when he wants to, living strickly for the moment, strickly for his own personal pleasures, why the hell not everything else in his life that made any sense was now gone, dead and gone, now just a distant memory that haunted him just as much as as certain redheads face, filled with fear, sadness, damn her for making him feel anything, he liked it better this way, numb, devoid of feelings..

Whoever said its better to have loved and lost then to never love at all had to be smoking crack cause John would of liked to never loved at all, to of never cared about anyone causing caring about someone meant you opened yourself to be hurt and he had been hurt enough, too much for this lifetime, he felt it everyday as if it was yesterday, soon, very soon he would be out of this crackpot of a town, forgetting everything and everyone in it, the sooner the better!


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Natalie paced her apartment for what seemed like hours, she couldnt fathom all that was happening, her recent bout of the stomach flu wasnt that at all, the naseau, vomitting, the overall tiredness, how could she of let this happen, the flow of tears down her face fell freely, this was a nightmare and absolute nightmare..

She was pregnant but not just pregnant, she was pregnant by him, by John, she might as well be carrying the devils child cause thats exactlly how she felt at the moment, and then she thought of her family, my god her family would be mortified, ashamed, she would be a disgrace to the family name, how could she explain this to them, hell she could barely understand it herself, she placed her hand on her flat stomach and then it hit her, the bout of sickness and she ran to the bathroom in a hurry..

John made his way to the station to update Bo, he knew this wasnt going to go well, the man hated him now, he had almost put this entire case in jeopardy, he had let his feelings get in the way, it was his downfall but never again, he walked past the quiet staring faces, if people didnt fear him before they did now and he didnt care as he made his way through, shooting cold as steel looks at anyone who stole a glance at him, it sent them immediately scurring away..

"You really look like shit girl, maybe you should just go to the hospital, the flu is going around" Gigi said with concern as she looked at a pale faced Natalie as they walked towards the breakroom at work..

She was going to make it to work today, missing anymore time and it would make people start to wonder what was going on and she couldnt afford that, not with her recent discoveries, she had to continue on with this mere exsistance while she figured out what the hell she was going to do now, she looked at Gigi,.. wanting, needing to tell someone but she chickened out, too many questions would follow..

"i feel better, really...i do" well atleast she wasnt totally lying, the worse of it had seemed to be passing, she wondered how anyone could be happy and pregant, cause this was miserable, she felt like she had been hit by a Mack truck..

"yeah i can tell, you look great" Gigi said sarcastically as they entered the breakroom and the overwhelming smell of coffee hit Natalie in the face..

"Oh god" she covered her mouth and took off running for the bathroom, Gigi in tow..

She barely made it to the bathroom to lose the contents of her stomach which only contained a yogurt and some water from earlier..

"Ok this is ridiculous, im taking you to the ER now" Gigi said with worry in her voice as Natalie leaned inside the wall of the bathroom stall..

"Im fine ok" Natalie snapped as she dry heaved a bit..

"No your not, your really sick, what if you have like that bird flu, or something worse" Gigi began to imagine all the odd illnesses that one could get, all life threatening of course..

"Im not sick alright" Natalie flushed the toilet and swung open the bathroom door to see a concerned eyed Gigi standing there..

"you look sick to me, im gonna get your uncle" gigi spun around and Natalie began to panic, she couldnt tell Bo..

"No no no please dont" Natalie pleaded and it got Gigi's attention quick as she looked at her friend..

"Nat what is going on" Gigi said with concern..

"Im pregnant ok" she spit out quickly, too quickly, before even thinking but she felt relief, she had told someone, but the look on Gigi's face was one of horror and confusion as she looked at her friend..

"No you cant be, can you?" Gigi spit out quickly, her words slamming together as her tongue got tied..." its just the flu" Gigi didnt even believe that as she spoke the words and the look on Natalie's face told the truth, especially when the tears began to flood her eyes.."are you sure"

"Positive...Oh my god what am i going to do" Natalie began to cry as the emotions took her over and Gigi hugged her quickly, tightly, comfortingly..

Gigi Hugged Natalie as she calmed down a bit, wiping her eyes as she looked in the mirror, she looked horrible..

""i dont know what i am going to do" Natalie whispered, not only to Gigi but to herself..

"How did this happen" Gigi began as Natalie looked at her.."I mean i know how...but who...Cris?"

All Natalie could do was shake her head no as Gigi looked at her with confusion..

"you do know who the father is right Nat?" Gigi looked at her friend hard, she knew Natalie and she wasnt one to have a reckless one night stand but lately natalie wasnt really acting herself so it could be a possibility, Natalie couldnt help but laugh through tears..

"yeah Gigi, i know, it doesnt make it any better though" she said with a sarcastic tear filled laugh as she thought of that drunken night..

"who?" she looked at her friend.."Nat who is the father"

"it was a mistake ok, it should of never happened, hell i didnt even remember right away" Natalie began to pace the small bathroom as Gigi watched on with confusion.."it was so stupid of me, Im 24 years old... im not ready to be a mom, i cant be" Natalie began to talk to herself as Gigi looked on..

"Nat..." Gigi touched her arm lightly and Natalie looked at her and sucked in a deep breath..

"It's ...it's...it's McBains...John McBains" she finally spit out as Gigi's eyes got wide, her mouth opened in shock..

"Oh... my... god Nat" was all that came as she stood there in complete shock.."How did this happen Nat?"

_"see now your gonna hurt yourself" John reached for her but he mis-stepped and ended up pushing her against the pool table as she laughed, so did he but quickly the laugher subsided as he leaned against her.._

"this...is...familiar" she said with short breaths, suddenly the room seemed very hot and very small...

"I need some air" John said with a heavy breath as he backed up from her and immediately headed outside of Rodi's, Natalie waited a second then followed..

"It feels nice out here, its hot inside" she began and he turned and faced her, his hand going to her hair..

"its hot out here too" his voice was raspy and her stomach clenched as his hand moved down the side of her face, gently pushing back a long red lock of hair..

"so hot" she bit her bottom lip as she looked at him and he licked his lips..

"I have AC in my place, we could cool off a bit" his cock jumped in his jeans at the sight of her..

"Lead the way"

Natalie began to tell her what she remembered as Gigi looked on with wide eyes, she left out the details of the sex even though it ran vividly through her mind..

_The feeling of her back being slammed against the wall in the darkened hallway made her gasp as his mouth savagely attacked hers, his tongue darting into her warm mouth, his hands on her wrists as he held them against the wall, the sound of their panting filling the air as he pulled back and fumbled with his keys, and with a click his apartment door opened and he was dragging her inside as her back now slammed into the closed apartment door..._

He felt strong, more then strong he was powerful the way he grabbed her, she had to brace herself on his strong arms as he lifted her up by her ass, immediately implanting her on his hard cock in one swift move, no time for her body to adjust or recover as he buried himself completely in her tight, hot , wet body..

"Ahhhh" she cried out in pain and in pleasure as his size invaded her unsuspecting body..

"Oh fuck" he called out into the apartment as she encased him deliciously and her nails dug deeper into his arms, scratching him...

Natalie shook the thoughts from her mind.."and then i kind of ran out of there, it was just wrong, all of it and now this" Natalie pointed to her stomach as she fought the tears..

"I dont know what to say Nat,...Im...im shocked...i mean, i had no idea"

"yeah well now look at the trouble im in"

"I mean do you like him, care about him...god this is so weird"

"Well that really doesnt matter anymore what i feel or dont feel, he made it clear that this was all a mistake, and you know what he is right" natalie walked across the bathroom from Gigi..

_"Your nothing to me, pathetic little spoiled bitch, you make me sick to my stomach, trying to be someone your not, LOOK AT YOU, walking around like your somebody, your nothing just some fucked up little girl who has nothing going for her, i fucked you out of pity, someone had to, it was the only way to get you to shut the fuck up"_

"You care about him Nat...my god you really do"

"No i dont, he is arrogant, rude, egotistical and just a plain miserable jack ass" Natalie snapped and Gigi smiled some.."why are you smiling, didnt you just hear me, he is an asshole!"

"and you are fallen for him, oh my god Nat" Gigi smiled and hugged her friend tight and Natalie pushed her back..

"You are crazy" Natalie said defensively..

"and your in denial, this all makes sense now, i saw the looks between you too, i saw them...wow" Gigi shook her head in astonishment as if she just cracked a major case..

"Please dont do this, ok...i have bigger issues then my non exsistant love life, ok" Natalie pointed to her stomach again..

"You gotta tell him Nat" Gigi said with wide eyes and Natalie's got just as wide..

"Oh no...i told you in confidence, no one can know about this Gigi" Natalie had fear in her voice..

"Nat your pregnant, your having a baby...McBains baby"

"No one said i was having a baby Gi...i said i was pregnant" Natalie said quickly as Gigi's facial expression changed quickly..

"Oh my god your gonna abort"

"god you make it sound like this horrible thing" Natalie began to pace.."alot of women do it when they are in a predicament"

"but you havent even asked him what he wanted, Nat he may want this baby"

"at the moment i dont care what he wants, he can go to hell for all i care, this is my body, my decision and you are going to keep your mouth shut, arent you...Gi..."

Gigi sighed deep and hung her head down.."fine... you do what you think is best Nat"

The two weeks away from the station apparently didnt make Bo's anger go away as he spoke to John coldly and sternly...

"I cant get a replacement and your in so deep already, your making progress?" Bo stared off into the distance..

"well yeah,...things have been going smooth, i ran a couple backgrounds on a few suspicious people, but there is one left i was going o do today one that caught my eye his name is Mitch...Mitch Lawrence to be exact, he has been frequenting alot of the local clubs" John began as Bo got wide eyed, it got Johns attention..

"Mitch Lawrence, are you sure..you met him? Saw him" Bo began to get frantic and John saw that..

"Yeah, well thats what he said his name was, why do you know him" John began as Bo started flipping through files frantically.."Boss?"

"what a minute, it cant be" Bo said as it rose suspicion in John and he quickly pulled out another file and thumbed through it.."is this the man you saw,...is it" Bo began to get loud as he shoved a picture at John who looked at it..

"Thats him, who is he" John said as Bo leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his now graying hair..

"we have a problem...a big problem" Bo said as he closed his eyes..

"A bigger problem then we already have" John asked with confusion as Bo looked at him with serious eyes..

"this man here" Bo pointed at the photo.."this man is suppose to be dead"

Bo knew all too well who Mitch Lawrence was, he had dealt with him face to face years ago..

"Im not getting it Boss" John said with curiosity, he could tell this was big, very big, something was going on..

"are you sure he said his name was Mitch Lawrence, are you positive" Bo said again as he looked at John..

"Im sure... I was going to run his background today" John began as Bo shook his head..

"i need to make a call" Bo said quickly as he grabbed his phone..

"What is going on Boss... who the hell is this guy" John began to get mad, this was his case and if Bo knew something, something big he had to tell him..

Bo put his phone down and sighed deep.."Mitch Lawrence was involved in experimental studies back in the 80's, he worked for the Center for Disease Control, he made vaccines and test trials on numerous drugs, alot of it was top secret special forces, warfare to be exact"

John leaned forward, Bo definitely had his interest..

"He was arrested in 1985 for administration of illegal drugs to numerous prostitues and drug addicts, like Jack Kevorkian on steroids kind of guy except these people weren't dying and the drugs he used werent made for that, he had a god complex, he said he was saving the world one prostitue at a time, he was doing his own kind of extermination of the bad seeds, he was released on bond"

"what? How?" John said puzzlingly as he looked on Bo, how could they of let a man like him roam free?

"it was the 80's, things were different then, he had connections and alot of money saved, but just days later a body was found in his apartment, gunshot wound to the face left him unrecognizable, dna testing back then was in the beginning stages, nothing like it is today, he was Identified by the location, the personal effects and frankly the US Military wanted to get this under wraps before anyone found out what they were doing behind closed doors"

"so you think that this is the son of a bitch killing these women, using experimental drugs, making them kill themselves?" John couldnt believe what he was hearing, it was like out of a sci fi horror movie..

"Is this the man you saw?" Bo pointed to the picture again and John nodded, he wouldnt forget a face, not that one, dark hair, dark eyes, almost cryptic as he spoke, a kind of arrogance about him, he could see why now..

"why would he tell me his real name, why wouldnt he try and hide"

"Cause he wants to be known John,... he feels like god, he thinks he is god and he is out of hiding,he wants to be known,... he is fucking with us, taunting us and i didnt even see it" Bo shook his head, embarassed that he hadnt even thought of Mitch but why would he, the son of a bitch was suppose to be dead..

"how do you know all of this" John asked with confusion as Bo just pointed to the wall, to a plaque on it that read Special Forces Class of 1980..

"I went to school with him, we graduated in the same class with honors, he is brilliant at what he does and he wants me to know that he is still around, doing what he does best, we need to set a better trap for him John, one that will lead him right to us"

"I will arrest him at the club, when i see him again"

"dont you understand, he already knows who you are, he's fucking with you too, he's one step ahead of you already, the next time we hear from him is when someone ends up dead, he wanted you to tell me, he wanted me to know that he knows" Bo got a look of panic on his face again and he stood up quick.."where's Evangeline?"

"at the motel, why?" John began to ask but immediately read Bo's face as he jumped up...

"im sending squad cars there now" Bo said as he shot to the door..

"Im heading there now" John ran out of the office and almost immediately into Natalie, she looked shocked to see him, he was shocked to see her, but there was no time to waste, Evangeline was in danger, he ran past her..

Natalie watched as John took off running one way and Bo frantically scurried..

"what the hell is going on" she said as she looked around confused at the now erupting choas, Bo yelling for officers to head down to the motel, the one she knew Evangeline and John were staying at, the one she stayed at..

Her impending pregnancy was the last thing on her mind as her uncle ran past her and she grabbed his arm.."Bo ,..what is it, did they catch him?"

"Not now Natalie,you just get back to work" Bo said in a rush as he took off and Natalie looked to Gigi...

"are you thinking what im thinking" Gigi said quickly as Natalie nodded her head..

"yep, lets go" they took off together to find out what exactlly had everyone up in arms..


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

John was driving like a bat out of hell towards the motel, after all the information he had learned, it made a million and one things go on in his head, and none of them he wanted to think about..

The look on Bo's face sent chills down his spine, Bo knew this guy, they all knew what he was capable of and the repercussions of this could be fatal, he felt guilt swarm his body, he left her there alone, he shouldnt of left her there..

He flew through red lights, past stop signs, his driving was reckless but his heart was racing as he flew through town..

The motel was right up ahead, his heart jumped, the door to their room was open, he flew into the parking lot, slamming the car into park as he jumped out and ran like a mad man inside..

Natalie and Gigi tried to keep up with the police cars but they were zooming by, sirens blaring, this was bad, something happened she could feel it..

"They must of got him Nat" Gigi began and Natalie looked at her with dread in her eyes..

"or they found another body" she thought of Evangeline and as much as she despised her, she didnt want her dead, and the look in Johns eyes, he looked horrified, whatever him and Bo had talked about came to a crashing halt, some kind of development that neither of them was taken lightly..

"oh man, hadnt thought of that" Gigi said as she drove and Natalie felt her heart race, she imagined what this could do to John, not like she should care but something like this, losing another person, this could destroy him and he was already on edge..

Pulling up to the motel it was surrounded by cop cars, an ambulance, Natalie's heart sunk as they jumped out and looked at one another then began walking towards the choas..

Natalie stopped as she got to the door..

"Natalie what are you doing here!" Bo called out angrily as he came over and she stared right at John who was holding a confused looking Evangeline..

"I cant believe this happened John" Evangeline said with crocodile tears as she held on to John even harder as she gave a quick smug look to Natalie..

John made eye contact with her and she turned her head quick, immediately feeling sick, he was holding her..

"I said what the hell are you doing here" Bo yelled again, this time getting her attention as she looked at him..

"i just...i was trying to help" Natalie said quickly, the image of John holding her was haunting her..

"This is not your case, your not suppose to be here... go back to the station, NOW" Bo yelled at her and she moved away from the door, apparently Evangeline was fine, whatever it was , was some sort of false alarm, Gigi came over to her..

"Nat" she put a supportive hand on her shoulder and Natalie shrugged it off..

"Just give me a minute ok...please" Natalie took a deep breath and began walking around the building, she wasnt expecting the flood of emotions running through her body when she saw them together..

John was feeling a rush of relief as he sat on the bed next to a shakened Evangeline, when he had ran inside the motel she was in there, he startled her..

_"Evangeline!" he yelled as he ran in, expecting the worse but there she was, standing in the bathroom doorway, alive and well, fixing her hair.._

"John...what the hell, you scared the crap out of me!" she yelled as she spun around.

John began to look around the small room frantically.."why is the door open, why is it open!" he yelled loud as he looked around, his heart still racing..

"what? What are you talking about, i was airing the place out in here" she began as sirens were heard.."what in the hell is going on John"

She was fine, everything was ok, he had a hard time calming himself though and then he saw Natalie, why was she even there? He knew the answer to that, she couldnt help but put herself in the middle of things..

He got up from Evangeline who was now totally shakened up after hearing all the gory details from john and maybe milking it a bit as well as she grabbed onto him, holding him..

John headed over to Bo who looked completely aggravated.."he knew we were going to do this" Bo said with frustration.."we just blew our whole case wide open"

John sighed deep and ran a hand through his hair, everything they worked hard for was ruined, such a waste of time, not all of it though, he did get to meet Natalie, his mind went to her..

"why was Natalie here" he said to Bo who just shook his head..

"cause she is nosey, thats why" Evangeline barked as John shot her a warning look..

"Leave it be, i told her to go back to the station" Bo began to pace as officers began to leave one by one..

Just then a nervous looking Gigi popped her head in.."um sorry to interupt but where is Natalie?" she had seen Natalie walk around the building and she got caught up talking to one of the officers and when she went to look for her she wasnt there, it was probably nothing but she was worried, natalie was upset..

"I told her to go" Bo said quickly.."by the way, you need to leave as well"

John just stood and listened, by the look on Gigi's face it was clear to him that natalie had told her all the details of their night together and then some, he didnt want to dig himself any deeper..

"Ok i understand that but she said she needed a minute" she looked hard at John, then back at Bo.."and when i went to get her she was gone"

"Maybe she went back to the station like you need to be doing" Bo barked again and Gigi huffed..

"Not without her purse and we drove together" Gigi began and John started to feel a twist in his stomach, something wasnt right..

"where did you see her go" John said quickly, not caring about the look he got from Bo..

"around the building" Gigi pointed as John began walking fast outside and to the side of the building.."i mean she was there just a minute ago"

"Natalie...Natalie" John called out as he began to walk then he froze as he saw a black sandal by the dumpster, he quickly moved closer his heart racing.."Bo...BO" he yelled as Bo came walking around the corner..

"I told her to go and i told you to leave it be" Bo began then stopped as he looked at John who was now standing over what looked like a sandal on the ground..

"Oh my god" Gigi covered her mouth as she looked at the shoe but not any shoe, it was Natalie's..

"get forensics down here now, we have a missing officer on our hands!" Bo yelled out as he ran over and John felt his heart sink in his chest..

"You dont think.." John couldnt even finish his sentence as he looked at a panicked Bo.."son of a bitch...NO!" John yelled as they stood there looking at the only thing left of Natalie..

Natalie opened her eyes and let out a groan as she held her head, it was dark, so dark she couldnt see her own hand in front of her face, fear and panic washed over her..

"HELLO...HELLO!" she called out, she grabbed her head again and felt warm liquid on her hand, she didnt have to see it to know what it was,it was blood, where the hell was she.. "HELP...SOME ONE HELP ME!" she screamed as the reality of the situation at hand hit her, someone did this to her and she was being held prisoner..

She screamed and yelled until her voice went dry and hoarse..Nothing, just an echo, she felt around on the floor, it was hard, cold, damp like in a basement, she crawled around on her knees trying to find a way out even though everything in her was telling her that whoever put her in there wasnt planning on giving her a reasonable escape, she hit a wall and she began to stand as she felt her way around this large room..

"some one...anyone" she called out as she walked blindedly against the wall.."Please someone help me" she slid down the wall as she tried desperately to remain calm but found it hard as she began to cry..

Back at the scene of the crime almost an hour had passed and nothing was found out, John was losing his patience..

"How come no one is doing anything.. she is out there somewhere with a fucking lunatic!" John yelled frantically..

"were trying all our avenues, we have to remain calm, we wont do her any good by freaking out" Bo tried to remain calm but he too was panicking.."Im the one who has to tell my brother that she is missing!" Bo yelled as reality began to sink in..They had made the motel a command post for now and Bo knew it was only a matter of time before he would have to speak to the media about her disappearance which also meant he had to come clean about the supposed suicides..

Gigi had begun to have a breakdown immediately after realizing Natalie was taken and had to be escorted away as she screamed and yelled at John, it tore at him..

_"I bet your happy now John...i bet your fucking happy!" she ran up to him, pounding her fists on his chest as he held her back.._

"I didnt do this to her" John yelled back..

"you might as well have, you treated her like a whore!" she yelled, getting everyones attention, especially Bo's..

"Now thats enough, i mean it, you need to calm down Gigi!" he yelled at her..

"she cared about you and all you cared about was gettting your dick wet by this fucking slut" she yelled as she pointed at Evangeline who looked at her shocked..

"who the hell do you think you are!" Evangeline yelled as two officers had to come between the women..

"Your a piece of shit john, i see why she wouldnt want to tell you!" she yelled and then stopped herself from saying anything further..

"Thats it...out of here now, get them out of here" Bo barked at the officers as they pulled Gigi and Evangeline off to the side then he looked at John, his stare was deadly, Gigi's words were not lost on him...

John ran a hand through his hair as he watched forensics do their job, but they werent moving fast enough, and Bo was barely talking to him, they didnt discuss what Gigi said, it was better that way, for now atleast..

Johns phone went off startling him for a second as he answered it."McBain"

"Officer McBain, do you like sweet Georgia Peaches" the voice on the other end laughed and his body ran cold..

"What have you done with Natalie!" he yelled, drawing Bo's attention as he ran over..

"Tisk tisk Officer, this is my game, my rules and if you cant be nice to me well then i dont have to be nice either" he recognized that voice, it was Mitch Lawrence, he swallowed hard as Bo motioned for him to continue.."do we have an understanding?"

"Yes, we do" John tried to steady his voice when in all reality he wanted to reach through the phone and strangle the son of a bitch..

"Good...you learn quick, you know as a child i never was much of a candy lover, now peaches...Mmmm more of my type, more of your type too isnt that right Officer McBain" Mitch laughed..

"Just tell me what you want in exchange for her" John held the phone hard against his ear..

"How much does she mean to you Officer McBain... how much are you willing to sacrafice, or was she really just a one night fuck" he laughed some more, John sucked in a deep breath, it wasnt lost on Mitch.."lets play a game, go to the dumpster, quickly now time is wasting" John did just that as Bo followed..

"Im there" Johns voice was cracking he was scared of what he may see..

"Now thats a good Officer.. look under it, i left you a present, why dont you share that with the good commish, i think he will find it very enlightening" the phone went dead as John stood there..

"Hello...hello!" he yelled into the phone and looked at Bo.."he hung up, the son of a bitch hung up" John crouched down and felt under the dumpster and grabbed something hard, pulling it out he looked at it..

"A video?" Bo said quickly as he looked at it..

"He's fucking with us, he said we need to watch it" John said quickly as he held the video and Bo looked around frantically..

"in the room, there is a vcr, hurry" Bo yelled as both men took off running back into the motel room..

Natalie put her head in her hands as she sat there on the floor, she had to get out of there, she had to find a way out, but a light came on, a bright one, blinding her as she shut her eyes tight, keeping her hands over them as she tried adjusting to the light, she heard a door open and she jumped, she still couldnt see, her eyes needed to adjust..

"Oh dont cry sweetheart" a male voice said with a soft tone as she tried to focus on his face, who the hell was this man, she had never seen him before, he was tall, his hair was dark, short and cropped around his face, his eyes black as night, he was dressed in black slacks, a polo shirt, black shoes.."such a pretty peach" he moved closer to her and she backed up quickly till her back hit the wall and he cocked his head at her..

"Please...please dont hurt me" she whispered with fear as she looked at him and he smiled and reached up and touched a piece of her hair and she cringed against the unwelcoming touch..

"Ive never hurt anyone in my life sweetness" he touched her face and she began to quiver as she looked into his dark souless eyes.."your so scared, ...awww... thats so cute, i bet your hoping your lover will come to your rescue" he smiled and she felt tears fall down her cheeks..

"Please...please dont" her body shook with fear as she looked at him..

"Your making me sad peaches" he pouted at her and she cried more..."now stop your FUCKING CRYING!" he yelled as his hand came slapping across her face hard and she yelped.."dont make me do it again" he said with a warning tone now as she used both her hands to cover her mouth as she tried hard to bite back her tears..."good girl, i think we need to have a talk" he smiled..

John and Bo put the tape in as they stood in front of the tv, officers were filling the room, John pushed play and it was black for a second then a face came on the screen and both men hissed against their teeth, it was Mitch..

"Hello Gentlemen... first off its been a long time Commish, too long, and Officer McBain glad to meet your acquantance, i think were going to be good friends, now before you both start yelling at the tv which will do no good except waste your precious breath i want to thank you both for watching this, it quite informative as you will see, its more then i could of asked for, ironic really" he laughed as John's body stiffened..

"I see that you are fond of my new experiment, its a beauty really, it took so many years to perfect but i am quite proud of it myself, i cant be charged with murder cause i never laid my hands on any of those women, its what they wanted, needed, a quick release from life cause lets face it their lives were very unfufilled wouldnt you say?" Mitch began to pace on the tape..

"what does one really have left of self respect, or morals once you begin accepting money for taking off your clothes, i will tell you what, NOTHING, your just waiting for the end to come and rescue you kind of like the scumbag crack heads that fill up our jails and hospitals, death is a reward to them, i give them what they need, what they secretly want, i make their dreams a reality and i dont even have to touch them.."

"were wasting time watching this asshole Bo, he has Natalie right now doing god knows what to her!" John began to get irate, this guy was just fucking around and he had Natalie somewhere, they were wasting precious time!

"This is my neice were talking about!" Bo yelled as he looked at John.."Now i dont know what the fuck has been going on with you and her but i will tell you this McBain" Bo got in Johns face.."That psychotic lunatic has my neice and if he wants us to watch this video then thats just what were doing, you dont know what he is capable of, I DO" Bo yelled as John stiffened a bit.."this place is probably bugged right now, so sit down and shut up and lets see what he wants!"

Mitch's face came onto the screen once more.."I would hope that right about now your not planning on turning this off, you need to watch it, all of it cause as you both know i have something you want and well you have something i want, but we'll get to that later, so until you get that next phone call from me i advise you both to sit back, relax and enjoy a little film i like to call Passions"

Johns phone went off again and he grabbed it quick..

"Officer McBain i take it you got my present?" Mitch said with a smile as he looked at a shaking Natalie..

"we have it on right now" John gritted his teeth as the tv screen went blank for a second..

"good...now listen to me carefully, im not in the mood for your games, you watch my present that i put together for you and when your done you head back to your place for part two of your gift and not a second sooner, you wouldnt want me to take a bite out of your little peach now would you"

"JOHN!" Natalie screamed out and it sent chills down Johns spine as the phone went dead and the tv screen got fuzzy..

"she's with him" John barely got out as he looked at the tv screen and a picture of the motel room popped up on the screen with a big title flashing on the screen that read THE MEETING..

_John was in the room, laying on the bed, beer in hand, chips next to him as he watched the tv.._

Johns stomach dropped as he watched, he was being taped, him and natalie both, he looked around the room and saw an air vent, the angle of the film made it seem like it was coming from the corner of the room..

_"What the hell are you doing here!" Natalie yelled as she walked into the room.._

"son of a bitch has been taping us" John said under his breath as he watched the video.."How the hell did he know...how did he know Bo!" John yelled as the video continued with John and Natalie bickering during their first night...

Bo just shook his head in awe.."I dont know, i didnt tell anyone about this, i didnt" he began as the movie skipped past to Cris and a title popped up called SCOURNED LOVER came across the screen..

"Oh no one knew, huh?" John said sarcastically with anger..."Cris knew... that son of a bitch knew we were here John felt rage fill up inside him, was Cris in on this too?

The video changed and Johns pulse raced cause they were no longer in the motel but Johns own apartment was lit up on the tv, it was empty for a second and a title popped up that read CHANCE ENCOUNTERS, and after a second of nothing in came John and Natalie, drunk and all over each other and John froze as he looked at the tv screen, he couldnt even fathom to look at BO who was literally fuming as he clenched his fists so hard his knuckles turned white..


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Bo had called an immediate APB out on Cristian Vega, he had questions for him, and oddly enough at the moment he was no where to be found...

Looking at the television screen made John feel like he would be sick as he stared at the images before them, they were of him and Natalie on that drunken night, he stared straight forward not saying a word knowing that Bo was watching everything, the screen went blank and not a second too soon as Mitch came back on the screen..

"i hope you gentlemen enjoyed the show, i know i did, I for one did not see this coming, not when i started taping the good detective but it was quite the bonus for all of us, wouldnt you agree"Mitch smiled and laughed as John hung his head down, the son of a bitch had been taping him since he got to Lanview..

"Bo...I" John had to say something, i mean he just witnessed his niece in the act of sex with John..

"dont" Bo said with a warning tone as he stared at the television screen, he was beyond pissed..

"so now onto part two, you know what to do" Mitch finished as the screen went blank and both men stood up and Bo immediately retrieved the video with shaky hands..

"its not what it looks like" John began as Bo shot him a look..

"Oh i know what i saw John, she was drunk and you took advantage of that" Bo was angry, what he had witnessed with his neice and John, it made him sick..

"I...I" John stuttered some as he looked at an infuriated Bo..

"I have nothing to say...nothing at all" Bo spun around and headed for the door, John stood there for a minute and followed him, there was no time to process all of this, they had to go to Johns apartment and frankly John was horrified to find out what waited for him there..

Natalie stood handcuffed to the ceiling in the small room, she was terrified, Mitch had taken off but she was sure that John heard her scream out, she felt a tiny bit of hope that they would find her in time but she had no idea where she was, a basement of some sort, it could be anywhere, she didnt even know how much time had lapsed, but this was all a game to Mitch, he had been following her Uncle around, John as well, he had taped them, her stomach cringed at the thought as she remembered what Mitch said..

_"That was perfect, not even rehearsed" Mitch smiled at Natalie after she finished screaming when he was on the phone.._

"what do you want" her voice shook and he neared her some more..

"So many questions, alot of them will be answered soon, especially with your dear uncle and lover cause right about now they are watching some very intimate moments , i have to say this worked out perfectly, you showing up at the motel, i mean i was planning on getting you from the station but you made it so much easier for me" he touched her face and she cringed.."Now dont be rude"

"I just...i will do whatever you want ok, we can make a deal" she tried to bargain with him but it only made him laugh as he looked at her..

"I can see why Officer Mcbain was so drawn to you... but dont make me remind you this is my game, my rules, you wouldnt want me to have to hurt you, would you?"

Natalie just shook her head as she looked at him, he was dead serious and totally and completely insane..

"Good girl,...now...we have to get you ready" he put his hand out to her and she looked at it.."come on...time is wasting, the finale is right around the corner" he shoved his hand at her more and she sucked back tears as she grabbed his hand..

"what are we doing?" she could barely contain herself as fear raced through her..

"well little Peaches, i believe you owe me a dance" he smiled and her blood ran cold..

"there's nothing here!" John yelled as officers tore his place apart.."He's just fucking with us" he yelled...

"No were just not seeing it,...it's here, whatever it is, he wants us here" Bo said frantically as they continued looking around..

"Fuck this, she is out there, im gonna find her myself" John spun around, there had to be more they could be doing, this was ridiculous playing this game with a lunatic..

"Like hell you are, you will get her killed, is that what you want, do you want her dead!" Bo yelled as he stepped in front of John.."she is still alive, he wants us to play, and thats just what were going to do"

"There is nothing here!" John yelled as his television turned on by itself and everyone spun around to look at it..

"I have to say i am quite happy to see everyone playing along, it warms my heart" Mitch said as they saw him on the screen, it was a live broadcast, the fucker had Johns placed wired, they ran to the tv.."Bo... you look good my friend"

"what have you done with Natalie" Bo yelled into the room and Mitched laughed as if he heard everything..

"Oh you will see soon enough, she is fine...for now" Mitch smiled as he panned the camera across the room and everyone gasped as they saw natalie dressed in the school girl outfit she wore to Tracers the night of the audition, she was handcuffed to the ceiling by a chain, crying but alive, Johns heart sank at the site of her..

Bo hissed under his breath as he looked at Natalie then the camera went back to Mitch... "you will be happy to know that she is being quite the good little girl for me", she could be heard sobbing in the background..

Everyone was frozen as they stared at the television, not knowing what to say..

"I have the resources to give you anything you want Mitch.. just name it" Bo said as calmly as he could and John just stared at the screen, he was guilt ridden, this was all his fault..

"In due time...in due time right now i would like for us all too watch our sweet Peach, i believe she has a dance for us, dont you sweetheart" Mitch grinned and John had it, he ran up to the tv..

"You stay away from her you mother fucker!" John yelled loud and Mitch's eyes got wide..

"youve got a bit of anger issues dont you McBain, You dont want to cross me, you've already angered me enough, now SIT DOWN and SHUT UP before i show you just how angry i can get" Mitch yelled threateningly as Bo looked at John..

"Sit Down... do it!" Bo yelled as Mitch began to clap loud..

"Bravo , bravo... i am so glad to see you have found your balls my friend" Mitch clapped and Bo tensed up.."see me and you, were not much different, we both enjoy power, too bad we have to work on two different sides of the law, we could of made a great team"

"we could work this out, Natalie will just be an incovience" Bo began and Mitchs demeanor changed dramatically...

"Dont talk to me like i am stupid BO... this is my game.. MINE, i call the shots so dont even try your cop talk on me or it'll be her blood in your hands!" Mitch yelled .."ten minutes to show time, so sit back and relax" the screen went black and fuzzy as they stood there, only breathing could be heard in the room..

Bo looked at one of the forensic guys, he glanced at the tv, they shared a nod which basically meant to find out exactlly where the signal was coming from so they could have an exact location of Natalie, the guy left the room, Bo looked to John..

"I should of never involved her in any of this" Bo said as he shook his head.."and you..." he looked directly at John..."You make me sick"

"if you would just listen to me Bo" John began and Bo turned from him, his hands on his hips..

"when my brother finds out what you did, you'd be lucky to leave here in a bodybag" Bo snarled as he walked across the room...

John slumped onto the couch, putting his head in his hands, she was alive, that was a good thing but she was with that psychopath, he felt hopeless and helpless as he sat there, this guy was calling all of the shots, he had to turn the tables on him, he grabbed his phone and began to dial as he looked around..

"lanview Police Department, Kathy speaking...what is the nature of your call" Kathy the receptionist said..

"Kathy this is Officer mcbain, i need you to patch me into Gigi Morasco"

"I heard whats going on, any word on Natalie?" she asked with concern..

"No,... but i need to speak with Gigi"

"I can check and see if she is still here, hang on"

"John, did you find Natalie?" Gigi answered frantically..

"Not yet, listen i cant talk loud or for long,..i need a favor from you" he began and as mad as she was at him right now, at the whole situation actually, he was trying to find Natalie, so she pushed her anger aside for now..

"just tell me"

John turned his head some and whispered.."they are trying to trace a signal from my apartment" he didnt get to finish before she cut him off...

"Im on it, John you have to find her,...she...she cares about you"

"i care about her too" he closed his eyes as he spoke..

"I know you do, she's a great person" she began to well up with tears and his eyes began to water as well but he couldnt do that now, he couldnt lose it..

"you need to get yourself together, ok...for Natalie.."

"for Natalie" she whispered.."I will call you as soon as i know something"

"No,...text it to me, were being watched" he hung up quickly and was glad that no one really noticed he was on the phone..

"Commish" an officer came running into the room and it caught everyones attention.."we have Vega in custody Sir"

"bring him here ,...now" Bo snapped and John clenched his fists, if Cris had anything to do with this he was going to kill him and that wasnt a threat but a promise..

Natalie stood handcuffed to the wall, her body shaking as Mitch made his way over to her, smiling..

"dont be so nervous, its just a little dance, i mean i really feel jipped cause of last time, you looked so scared up on that stage, i was so hoping you were going to follow through"

"I cant...i cant do this" she knew there was no reasoning with him but he hadnt killed her yet, that had to be a good sign, maybe there was a real peron somewhere inside him..

"But you will, believe me its better then what hides behind door number too and i will even be nice enough to help you out a bit" he smiled as he pulled a syringe from behind his back and her eyes got wide as she began to panic..

"oh god please dont...please...please" she began to cry as he neared her..

"Just a little something to calm your nerves, you will thank me for it later" he grabbed her arm and she screamed...

"Please dont!" she cried..."Im pregnant"

Mitch's eyes got wide with delightment."this just keeps on getting better and better, let me guess your little one night stand?"

Natalie just nodded her head yes and he smiled bigger..

"does the good detective know you are with child?" Natalie looked down to the ground and Mitch began to clap obnoxiously..." wonderful, absolutely wonderful...I guess that would explain him banging that other woman" Natalie swallowed hard as she looked at him, she knew who he was talking about and it made her sick.."Oh... you didnt know?...they have been having quite the time, i mean its nothing like that one drunken night you to shared but it had its perks, did you know that she likes to be fucked in the ass"

"please stop" natalie didnt want to hear anymore and it only seemed to excite him to see her in such distress..

"it hurts you doesnt it, you poor girl" he touched her hair again and she turned her face from him..."He just tossed you aside like a piece of trash, how does that make you feel Natalie"

Natalie just looked at him with tears in her eyes..

"I said how does that make you feel" he grabbed her face with his hand...

"Mad, it makes me mad!" she yelled at him and he smiled more and let go of her..

"good, anger is good... he used you, planted his seed in you and went off to his next fuck" he touched her stomach and her body shook as he looked at her..

"Please i just want to go home" she said with tears as he dangled the needle in front of her..

"But we just got started, we didnt even get to play yet" he grinned and she screamed as he stuck the needle in her arm..

John began to pace, ten minutes had turned into 15 then 20 and still no sign of Mitch, his heart sank as to what could possibily be holding them up, he immediately thought of Natalie and hoped she wasnt doing anything stupid or reckless that would get her hurt..

His mind raced to how all of this could of been prevented, how he would of done things differently, how he wanted to say he was sorry for the hurtful things he had said..

It brought him back to the day Caitlin died, how the guilt ate him alive and how so many things were left unsaid, he couldnt go through that again, he just couldnt, it would kill him..

Natalie felt drowsy as she leaned against the wall, whatever Mitch injected in her made her feel high yet relaxed, she still knew where she was, she understood that but now the situation at hand didnt seem so bad, she felt calm and as much as she knew this wasnt the feeling she should be having at the moment she couldnt help but enjoy it..

"See...now all better" Mitch smiled as he ran his hand over her face..."I could of made millions with this, depression medication would of been a thing of the past"

"if you talk to my uncle, he could help you, your a smart man, i can see that now" she spoke to him like a person, she knew she had to and thankfully unbenowst to him this drug was helping her to remain cool and collected, probably not the way he was intending it to..

"Your uncle is a joke" Mitch began to laugh and she shook her head..

"No, not Bo, my other uncle Clint, he has money, alot of money and Buchanan enterprise, he would work with you, help you to get your product out, you could be known world wide"

Mitch's eyes grew wide and she knew she had hit the spot as he appeared to be thinking of her suggestions..

"No..no it would never work" he began to pace but his mind was running with ideas of what could happen if his name got out there..

"You already have the product Mitch" she used his name and he looked at her.."the buchanan name is everywhere, believe me i know,...he would help you, he could get you a great lawyer too, all of this could be behind you, just a misunderstanding, nothing more"

"Intriguing thought" Mitch seemed to be pondering his options.."are you fucking with me"

"No, im not" she looked at him, relaxed , calm, no fear whatsoever..

"cause i could do things, bad things" he whispered threateningly in her ear..

"You can call him, meet with him... he wont tell anyone, i promise, you will have my word" she looked him straight in the eye and he seemed to relax some and that was good, she was getting somewhere with him..

John was getting restless as he paced, Bo looked like he had aged atleast 20 years in like an hour, his eyes were bloodshot, his face pale, he had just had quite the uncomfortable conversation with his brother about Natalie's fate and even though John didnt hear the conversation , Bo's face spoke a thousand words..

The sound of his phone going off in his pocket made him jump as he immediately took it out and looked at the text message from Gigi..

Here is the address i found, i hacked into the system, Bo will be getting word soon, please get her John, get her and bring her home, they need you..

John looked at the message, his mind for a second confused at her wording, They, but he quickly shoved it back in his pocket, he was going to do this without Bo, a police entourage would surely be her death sentence, he owed this to her, he would save her...

John nonchalantly headed to his bathroom..

"where are you going?" Bo called out suspiciously towards John..

"I have to take a leak or am i on trial now" John said sarcastically as he headed in the bathroom and quickly closed the door as he looked to the window, it was now or never..

Mitch held the phone to Natalie's ear as it rang and he stared at her...

"dont say anything stupid" he warned her and she nodded her head at him..

"Hello... Uncle Clint" she began as a frantic voice on the other end was heard..

"natalie...sweetheart, are you ok, where are you, are you hurt"

"Im fine...please... just relax, i need to talk to you...in private"

"Natalie where are you, Vicki is so worried about you, and Bo, have you talked to your Uncle Bo"

Mitched grabbed the phone from her ear, clearly annoyed.."Listen here...your going to give Natalie your undivided attention, your going to shut that big mouth of yours and do as she says or you will be scraping pieces of your neices body from the road, do we have an understanding"

The phone went quiet except for heavy breathing and Mitch put it back to her ear.."Please listen, i know your scared but i need to talk to you about something very important and i need you to listen carefully" she said with an even tone into the phone...

"Im here...Im listening" Clints voice trembled as he spoke..

"Ok Uncle Clint...now this is what i need you to do " 


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

"Can you please loosen these cuffs now" natalie asked politely as Mitch began to pace, her Uncle had agreed to her terms, Mitch's terms really and he seemed to be getting anxious as he walked around..

"You know that if your Uncle tries anything funny i will kill him on the spot and then come back and do the same to you" she could tell he was dead serious as he spoke to her and she yawned as the effects of the drug began to wear off..

"he wont, he stays true to his word" and she knew Clint would stay true, her life was at stake and ever since they took her and Rex in he had become like a father to her..

"You better hope so and for now the cuffs stay" he stared at her as he got increasingly excited about what his future held.."after i finish things up with your uncle i will release you and you never know, we may become the best of friends" Mitch smiled as he planted a big kiss on her cheek and she fought the urge to spit on him as she tried to remain calm, and then he was gone, and it got quiet and dark again except for a small light in the corner of the room that kept flickering on and off, she had to get out of there..

John snuck around the backside of his apartment, dodging cops as he did so, he couldnt go to his car, too much police activity, he ran to the back of Rodi's, he would steal a car if he had to..

He had the address in his pocket, burning a hole there as he ran through a back alley, he had to get to the docks, thats where the address was leading him, to an abandoned warehouse, and so he ran, trying not to attract attention to himself as he cut through the park..

He saw a car with a young kid in it, he didnt think, he just reacted as he ran up to the young guy, startling him half to death as he swung open the drivers side door..

"Holy shit.. John McBain!" the voice said in recognition and it surprised John as he looked at this kid..

"Get out of the car" he demanded but the kid refused to move..

"Holy shit...i cant believe your really here, i mean i heard all about you" the kid rambled on..Was this kid for real..

"Listen this is official police business, now get out" John demanded again as he tried to pull the kid out but he jumped into the passanger side of the car..

"No way... im coming" the kid said quickly and John didnt have time to sit with this kid any longer, he was leaving, apparently with this guy in tow..

John began to speed off, he glanced at the kid who had a big camera in his hand, he looked awestrucked as he looked at John...

"stop looking at me" John barked, who the hell was this kid!

"Im sorry im just shocked to see you... where are we going... is it big?"

John ducked his head some as they passed a police car, and it apparently wasnt lost on the guy..

"Oh shit...oh shit... are you on the run" he began and John looked at him hard..

"who the hell are you kid?" he kept driving as a hand came out towards him..

"like one of your biggest fans just dont tell my sister that.. Rex Buchanan" John had thought he heard the kid wrong, he did a double take..

"Your sister is Natalie?" John asked with confusion as they drove..

"Yeah but dont tell her i said the fan thing it would piss her off... have you seen her by the way, i know she got kicked off the case you two were working on" Rex began as John looked at him shocked.."my bad..i know nothing...lips sealed...where we going?"

"You need to get out" John pulled over quickly, he really had no time to spare...

"No... this is my car"

"I dont care, you need to get out, this is dangerous and if anything happened to you , your sister would never forgive me"

"aint that the truth, Natalie is big on grudges, i mean one time i took her barbies and" Rex began and John had had about enough..

"Get out! If anything happens to her, i swear to god!" John yelled without thinking as Rex's eyes got wide..

"what? Who are we talking about...are you talking about Nat?" he asked with concern..

"Fuck.." John yelled as he sped off again, he was losing too much time as it was, kid or no kid he had to get to Natalie.."Listen kid,...your sister is in trouble"

"what? what the hell is going on, where is Natalie" rex began to get frantic..."what happened to Nat" Rex grabbed Johns arm, nearly making him swerve off the road..

"Dont you watch the news kid, its all over the place, i hate to be the one to tell you this but your sister has been taken" John couldnt find an easy way to tell him, it was all over the tv for god sake!

"What?... taken...who...when?" Rex yelled frantically and immediately grabbed took out his phone, John grabbed it quick and threw it in the backseat.."hey...thats my phone"

"what part of your sister is in danger do you not understand" John yelled as he drove eratically..

"i was going to call the cops" Rex yelled and John looked at him hard..

"i am the cops"

Rex gulped and seemed still for a second..."something tells me that your knee deep in some heavy shit"

"we dont have time kid... if we dont get to your sister in time, god knows what will happen" John said as they got closer to the docks..

"Im totally with you, whatever you need, im your man"

John looked at him and shook his head atleast the kid was all heart..

Natalie fought against the restraints on her wrists so much so that they were red and raw now and it hurt to move even the tiniest bit as she huffed in frustration..

She looked up to the chain that held her wrists up, it was attached to a lead pipe, she jumped up and down, it moved a little, she felt hope, she jumped again, and then repeatedly..

"FUCK!" she yelled out as she got worn out and in frustration she kicked the cement wall with her boots.."Owww owww oww oww"

John pulled a few buildings away from the address and looked around..

"she's in there?" Rex said with worry..

"Yeah but your staying here, i mean it..." John pulled out his gun and Rex's eyes got wide..

"she's ok, right?"

"if i have anything to do with it, she will be...just stay put, ok" John got out of the car and then back at Rex...

"Ok ok... im staying put, get my sister out safely, she is all i have" John heard the emotion in his voice, it touched him..

"I will" he wanted to add or die trying but he thought better of it, he quickly took off behind a building as Rex watched..

"damn it natalie what did you get yourself into now" rex said outloud...

John made his way around a few buildings, his gun drawn as he looked around all the corners, his heart was racing with anticipation, he knew Bo wouldnt be far behind him, he probably already realized he was gone..

Bo was beyond pissed as he looked at Cris, he hadnt even realized that John hadnt come out of the bathroom yet as he grabbed Cris by the collar of his shirt, slamming him against the wall..

"what do you know, you better start talking" Bo yelled in his face..

"I dont know what your talking about" Cris began and Bo pulled out his gun, holding it on Cris's head..

"Ok ok ...ok i will tell you" Cris began to panic, Bo looked like he was out for blood and he was..

"what did you do" Bo held the gun on him, not caring that the other officers were staring now, contemplating what they should do about what they were witnessing.."what did you do!" Bo cocked back his gun..

"i told a guy about the case...he showed me a badge, said he was fbi and that he would recommend me" Cris said frantically..."i thought Natalie would be impressed"

"when...when did you see this guy?, when did you talk to him, what did you say" Bo yelled, his hand shaking as he held the gun to Cris's now sweating forehead..

"The day you put Natalie on the case, he...he was outside the station, he told me he was FBI, i saw a badge" Cris began to panic as the reality of the situation came to light, he was in big trouble, very big trouble..

"You may of killed her...do you understand you put her in harms way...you may of already killed her" Bo yelled as he shook Cris some..

"Im sorry...im sorry...i ...i love her" Cris said with tears.."I would never"

"shut up, just shut up" Bo yelled at him as Cris's eyes got wide.."where the hell is Mcbain, get him out of the fucking bathroom!"

An officer ran over to the bathroom and knocked loud..."get out of the bathroom McBain" he said and then knocked again as Bo's eyes got wide..

"dont move or i will shoot you" Bo said threateningly towards Cris as he walked over to the bathroom and kicked the door open, immediately seeing the window open.."FUCK" Bo yelled as he spun around just as his phone went off.."WHAT!" he yelled into it..

"Bo , its Clint, i dont have time,...he's on his way, we need to talk"

John pushed the door open to the large warehouse cringing as it squeaked loud but another sound got his attention, a loud bang off in the distance, like metal slamming on the ground, he spun around and darted towards the noise which was coming from a large metal door..

Natalie fell to the ground with a crash as the pipe gave loose and came crashing down on her, just barely missing her head as she scrambled to her feet, the cuffs still on her hands but it was bettter then being trapped against the wall, she immediately grabbed a piece of the pipe that had broken off, this would have to do,..she heard a sound, someone was coming, she ran quickly to the side of the door, her heart racing like crazy as she braced herself for Mitch, the door swung open and she spung the piece of pipe in her hand, making direct contact with with the soft flesh of a stomach, the body hit the ground, she couldnt think, her adrenaline was pumping , she held the pipe up again, this time she was going to end this as the body groaned on the ground and she swung, stopping right before she smacked those bright blue eyes..

"JOHN!" Natalie called out as she dropped the pipe on the ground and she knelt down beside him.."Oh my god John, are you ok?" his eyes opened some and he thought he was dreaming cause there she was, looking radiant as ever, her big blue eyes looking down at him and he smiled, maybe he died and this is what heaven looks like.."John...come on, snap out of it" she said almost frantically, relieved he was there but scared to death Mitch was gonna come back or better yet he was going to kill her Uncle..

"natalie?" he began to come around realizing that indeed she was there, and she was ok, he tried to sit up and he grabbed his stomach..

"Sorry" Natalie shrugged her shoulders a bit as he glanced at the large pipe on the ground, that would explain the incredible pain in his stomach, she helped him get to a sitting position, he glanced at her wrists, handcuffed.."maybe you can help me get out of these" she was happy to see him, so happy..

"you got quite some swing on ya" John began to stand with her help as he picked up his gun from the floor and he finally got a good look at the room she was being kept in, it made his heart jump in his chest,.."where is he" he asked as he looked around..

"He is with my Uncle, John we have to hurry" she said a bit frantically..

And he looked at her and his hands went to her arms and for a second she froze, forgetting where they were as he raised them up and over her head.."dont move" he said low and she looked at him confusingly but then he aimed his gun..

"Oh my god no, i will take my chances with the handcuffs" she said quickly as she began to put her arms back in front of her and he grabbed them and stopped her, looking her in the eye..

"trust me" he said low and she hated that she felt butterflies in her stomach, she let him raise her arms yet again and she squeezed her eyes shut tight, hoping and praying she would have hands left, a gun shot went off and she let out a gasp as she stood there and she felt his hands on her again and she opened her eyes, still had the cuffs on but atleast her hands werent stuck together, he rubbed under her cuffs where her skin was raw, he looked at her.."as soon as we can we will get these off" all she could do was nod, damn it why did he have to be so god damn beautiful, she was still angry at him..

"My uncle, ...we have to go to him, Mitch was meeting up with him" John moved his hands from her..

"what does Mitch want with your Uncle" he shoved his gun back against his pants and before she could answer a frantic voice was heard..

"Nattty!" it was Rex and he was running over to them..

"Rex?" she asked with surprise and confusion as she hugged him tight..

"I told you to stay in the car" John blurted out..

"i heard gun fire, but your ok Natty, your really ok..." Rex hugged her again..

John just shook his head and backed up some, giving them their space as he looked around..

"You were with John?" Natalie finally asked, totally confused as to how that all happened..

"Nat it was so cool, we were flying down the street, dodging people, flying through red lights, it was insane, and then i heard about what happened and oh my god..." Rex finally realized that his sister was safe, truly safe, it all hit him hard.."are you hurt? Did he hurt you?"

"Im fine actually, a couple bumps and bruises" she wasnt lying actually she felt really good, the drug hadnt completely worn off so she still was able to remain calm, it was nice actually and now that things were looking up, she felt even better..

John kind of just stayed off in the distance and she looked at him and she walked away from Rex.."give me a minute"

"thanks John for...rescuing me" she said as she neared him and it wasnt lost on him that for the first time she actually called him John and not McBain and he shook his head..

"I think i owed it to you after the way i treated you" he began and she felt her heart melt but it was only for a few seconds cause another loud voice was heard, she reconized it, it was Bo..

"Nat...NATALIE!" he yelled and she spun around to the door as her uncle and a few officers came running in..."Thank god your alright sweetheart" Bo grabbed her tight as officers began to fill the place..

"Im ok Uncle Bo..." she hugged him back and then gasped ..."Bo, Uncle Clint..he is in trouble" she began and he pulled back and looked at her..

"He's alright Nat, everything is going to be fine, we have Mitch in custody, im so glad your ok" Bo pulled her tight again and stared at John.."sweetie we need to get you checked out ok, an ambulance is waiting outside"

"You got him, how...and Clint..." she was in shock as she looked at Bo..

"Are you sure?" John asked with concern, he didnt trust Mitch at all, he wanted to make sure he didnt get away this time, he was going to rot for this..

"Im positive" Bo shot John a look then immediately took his attention back to Natalie.."sweetheart, everything is going to be fine, everything, but i need to know that your going to be ok"

"I feel fine Bo...i do...i mean whatever he gave me made me feel" she began

Bo's eyes got wide, "he gave you something?" fear in his voice..

John now came over too, as well as Rex, all of them looking at her with concern.."But im ok...see, i mean except for these" she held up her wrists..

"Nat lets get you checked out...please...im worried" rex said as he touched his sisters arm, a visible bruise from the injection..

"But.." Natalie began as she looked at their faces..

"Natalie please" Bo said quickly..."Your aunt and uncle would love to see you but we need to make sure your ok first, the stuff Mitch experiments with could be dangerous if not lethal"

Natalie sighed deep and glanced at John who seemed more then uncomfortable at the moment.."Ok...fine" she gave in, if it made everyone relax she would get checked out..

"Thank you sweetie... Rex can you help her out i need to have a word with Officer McBain" Bo said quickly and Natalie shrugged her shoulders at John and then walked out of the room with Rex..

"Listen Bo i know your probably mad" John began as Bo stared at him..

"I am grateful for you helping Natalie" Bo began and John sighed in relief... "but now its time for you to go, i dont want you near her, i dont even want you in my town and it would do you a world of good to get out of Lanview before my brother gets his hands on you, so take a day or two to pack your things and leave, this town doesnt need you here" Bo said coldly and then turned around..

"with all due respect Sir" John began and Bo spun around, staring at him with anger..

"Natalie has been through enough already, do you love her, do you promise to never hurt her, to never let her down" Bo said through gritted teeth as John just stood there, he couldnt promise any of that.."thats what i thought, do yourself and this town a favor and leave quietly" Bo left the room and left John standing there by himself, alone with his thoughts.. 


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Bo had updated natalie on everything, about how Clint had called him and they had set up snipers in the area, Mitch didnt have a chance and he was taken down without incident, she was happy about the news but not so happy with sitting in the hospital with people poking and proding her, she was getting antsy, she wanted to talk to John, to finish their conversation, after everything that had happened that day she had decided she needed to tell him about the baby,she had to tell him she was pregnant..

Its amazing how a life altering experience like being kidnapped by a psychopathic lunatic can make you quickly change your opinion on many things, life was short, and she was pregnant damn it, a life was inside her and for the first time since she saw the pregnancy test in her hand she felt like this was meant to be, she was meant to be a mom, she had a child to protect, she had a whole new renown feeling of purpose..

She was still hurt by John, that hadnt changed but alot of things had changed, alot of things were gonna be changing very soon in her life and for the first time in forever she was actually looking forward to what was in store..

She rubbed her belly as she sat on the hospital table, she was glad for the little peace and quiet she had, her aunt and uncle had went to get some coffee from the hospital cafeteria, Rex was talking to reporters for her, and Gigi was getting Natalie some new clothes..

Natalie began to pace her room, anxious to get out of there, wanting desperately to continue her conversation with John, there were things he had to know, Gigi came in the room with a bag and Natalie nearly jumped for joy..

"Ok so i got jeans a t-shirt" Gigi began as Natalie grabbed the bag..

"Your the best Gi!" natalie looked at her friend with a smile..

"Im just so happy that your ok" Gigi said with tears as she hugged natalie tight..

"But i need a favor Gi" Natalie said quietly as they pulled back from one another.."Its not bad, i promise" Natalie could tell the look on Gigi's face was one of concern..

"Ok?" Gigi said suspiciously as Natalie quickly began to get dressed..

"I need to go see John" she began as Gigi's face lit up..

"He saved you Nat, i kind of said mean things to him but i was so worried" Gigi began to apologize, feeling bad for yelling at him the way she did, it was apparent that he cared, he risked everything to save her..

"Its ok Gi, believe me i did my fair share of saying nasty things too" Natalie thought back to that day when she yelled at him, she had to make things right.."But im not discharged yet and i cant stay here any further"

"But they said your ok?"

"Yep... clean bill of health but i know as soon as my aunt and uncle get back they are going to try and baby me, and right now i really need to talk to John, can you help?" she finished getting her clothes on, finishing off with a pair of flip flops as she threw her hair back in a messy pony tail..

"You can count on me Nat,... are you going to tell him" Gigi's eyes were wide with anticipation..

"Yeah, you were right... he has a right to know" Natalie hugged Gigi again, quickly.."Your the best Gi" she quickly took off...

John heard Bo's words again and again in his head as he grabbed the few things that he had, placing them in a bag, on one hand he was grateful that he had nothing really, on another it was just another pathetic sign of his life..

He stopped when he looked at the couch, thinking of her, but Bo was right, he couldnt promise not to hurt her, he couldnt promise to not let her down, she was too good for him, way too good and he knew that, he already caused her enough pain, he wouldnt bring her anymore..

Looking around at the small apartment almost made him laugh, 34 years old and still living like a damn gypsy, by now he should of been married atleast, a kid on the way but that wasnt in the cards for him, he had that chance and it was gone now, all he had was himself and the pathetic excuse for a life..

He heard a knock on the door, it startled him for a second, he hoped it wasnt more media, he went to it but when he answered he didnt see media at all, he saw her and it was the best site he had ever seen..

"Natalie what are you doing here" he asked with concern, granted he knew she was ok, he had already called the hospital and got an update, a clean bill of health, he was happy for that..

"I wanted to talk to you" she began as she looked on the ground and noticed a suitcase and a bag.."You going somewhere?" she asked with confusion as she looked at the bags then him..

John ran a hand through his hair and backed up some so she could come in..

"Yeah " was all he could say as she walked inside.."Im glad you came though" he said low and her heart sank as she looked around, he was leaving.."I wanted to talk to you" she looked at him...

"where are you going?" part of her hoped that maybe he was just leaving this shitty ass apartment and getting into something bigger perhaps but by the look on his face she knew that wasnt the case...

"can i get you a drink or something" he didnt know how to do this, he walked towards the small kitchen.."i think i have some soda,...beer...no.. a beer isnt good" he began to mumble some as she stood there..

"Im fine, i dont need a drink,...your leaving lanview?" she had to know, this was absolutely killing her..

"yeah" he turned and faced her.."I dont do good in small towns, never was planning on staying anyways" he swallowed hard as he looked at her, he could see the disappointment in her face but he thought about what Bo said, this would be for the best..

"Oh" she fought back tears, she couldnt believe this was happening, well part of her could, this was John McBain, she should of known he wouldnt be staying around, he never stayed in one place for long, she felt stupid that she actually thought that for some reason he would..

"Your really ok though? He didnt hurt you?" he kept his distance from her and it made her uncomfortable..

"Yeah,...considering..." she walked through his living room some and stopped as she walked past him, she was fighting back tears.."so i guess... i guess this is goodbye, huh" she bit her lip, she couldnt face him right now and he was actually grateful for that, he could hear her voice cracking and he was seconds from losing it himself..

"I guess so" he looked at her as she stood there , her back facing him..

"do you know where your going next" she hated that she was still asking questions, she wanted to just run out of there..

"Travel...maybe, listen Nat...i wanted to apologize" he said low and now she faced him, she was doing an amazing job holding back her tears..

"Listen we both said alot of mean things" she began as she walked past him.."Im sorry too, your not such a bad guy"

"I appreciate that Natalie" he had so much more he wanted to say to her, so much but he chickened out, it wouldnt make a difference anyway, he was leaving, it was easier this way, one day she would thank him for making this easier..

She had her whole life ahead of her, she would have great things, be a great person, she would make some guy so very happy, she would have all the things he couldnt give her..

"I hope you find what your looking for John" it killed her to speak the words cause apparently what he was looking for wasnt her, she turned to face him as she now stood by his door..

"You too Natalie, we had some good times, right" he stood stiff, he had to fight the urge to just grab her and hold her..

"yeah..we did" she turned for the door again..

"I dont regret any of them" he said low and the tears fell down her face as she kept her back towards him, she wanted to turn and scream at him to not leave then, if they had such good times then dont leave, she wanted to yell that she was having his baby, that things could get so good, if only they had a chance..

"me either" she choked out as her hand went to the knob and she opened the door, still not facing him..."goodbye John" she stepped out of the door..

"Goodbye Natalie"

Better then me by Hinder, keep scrolling down, more story after lyrics...

**I think you can do much better than me  
After all the lies that I made you believe  
And guilt kicks in and I start to see  
The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be**

I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remembered what it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me

While looking through your old box of notes  
I found those pictures I took that you were lookin' for  
If there's one memory I don't want to lose  
That time at the mall, you and me in the dressing room

I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remembered what it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder  
Wish I never would've said it's over  
And I can't pretend

I won't think about you when I'm older  
'Cause we never really had our closure  
This can't be the end

I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me

I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me

And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me

And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me  
And I think you should know this

PART TWO 7 years later

The sound of the alarm going off made her groan, today was a big day, she had a long drive ahead of her and alot of places to visit, and all of two days to do it, she sighed as she began to sit up, glancing at the empty side of the bed as she turned off the alarm, it was 6 am, and ungodly hour to be up..

"I have Rosa bringing up your coffee" her husband Jr called out from the bathroom and she swung her feet from the bed as the bathroom door opened and he stood clad in just a towel, his face now clean shavened again as he wiped the remnants of shaving cream off of it.."I really feel uncomfortable with you going to New York City all by yourself" he said with concern as she grabbed her robe, putting it on..

"Its just for two days plus Aunt Vicki is really looking forward to spending some time with Bella" she said as the house keeper Rosa came walking into the room with a tray full of coffee and pasteries, natalie grabbed a cup of the hot liquid as did Jr.."Thanks Rosa" she began as Jr took a sip and immediately put the cup down, it irked her that he never acknowledged Rosa..

"I just think that your wasting your time, the woman never cared about you , why even try and find her, you have a great family, one that cares" Jr shook his head and Natalie sighed, she loved him, she did but sometimes he just didnt understand..

"Cause whether i like it or not she is my mother and Bella has a right to know her Grandma" Natalie began as he came over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders as he looked her in the eyes..

"You really want a drunk around Bella, sometimes i just dont get you Natalie" he sighed as she stood there.."she left you, just up and left, no explanation and without a care in the world"

"she's still my mom" Natalie sighed and he shook his head disapprovingly...

"well when you find her and see that she is still a piece of shit i hope you remember that i said this was a bad idea" he gave her a quick kiss on the forehead.. and headed back in the bathroom..

Natalie took a deep breath as she stared at her coffee cup, this was just something she had to do, she herself was a mom, she had questions she wanted answered and frankly she wanted to close this chapter on her life so she could move on, Jr just didnt understand that..

Rex's business had blossomed quite a bit over the years and he had given natalie all the information she needed to go to New York with including favorite hangouts of their mother and a few old friends, he was now in a relationship with Gigi and with Gigi expecting a baby soon he promised to stay in Lanview incase Gigi needed him, part of her was jealous of their relationship, ok a huge part was cause they were both happy, truly happy and content..

It had been 7 years since that horrible day with Mitch, 7 years since John had taken off to never return again, 7 years since she dealt with her pregnancy alone, without complications thank god cause Bella was a now a rambuncious, beautiful almost 7 year old girl, Bella was her life..

Things were hard though, so hard in the beginning especially when it came to the Buchanan's and her pregnancy, it was a dont ask , dont tell kind of scenerio, everyone in the immediate family knew who the father was but no one spoke of him, it was better that way, not for Natalie but for everyone else..

The stress of being pregnant and alone made her come back home, living with her Aunt and Uncle, she had felt like she digressed but their help was welcoming and thats how she met Jr, his full name was Adam Chandler Jr, Vice President at the time of Chandler Enterprise which use to be a big competition for Buchanan Enterprise but after the death of Adam Senior things began to change, a merge happened which basically left Clint and Jr sharing ownership of this now multi million dollar corporation..

She had met Jr at a different time in his life, he was struggling to impress his father and live up to the family name, sort of a rebel like Natalie, she had taken a leave of absence from the Police department and began working for her uncle at Buchanan enterprise, it was a desk job and far less of a hazard to her and Bella, but she missed the PD even though her leave of absense turned into a permanent resignation..

She was a new mom when she met Jr, Bella only a year old and she struggled with motherhood and he helped her, kind of like a knight in shining armor, he treated her like a queen, dinner, dancing, definitely not what she was use to, a lifestyle she had fought so hard to stay away from and yet here she was, a million dollar home, housekeepers, chefs, limo drivers, she lived the life of a true Buchanan much to the delight of her aunt and uncle, even with Jr being in a rival company which eventually ended in this merger company called Buchanan-Chandler Enterprise or better known as BCE, it all worked out in the end..

Jr immediately took on the role of daddy to Bella, they didnt talk about her real daddy cause in Jr's eyes he was her dad, they even had the birth certificate changed from Father unknown to Adam Chandler Jr, and things were perfect, or one would think that by looking in, Natalie was happy, Jr gave her what she needed in a time when she felt like all hope was gone, he helped her, supported her, but now she began to see a change, the man she knew and had fallen for had begun to turn into his father, the business sense side was brilliant but as far as his emotional capacity, well that was becoming non exsistant but not every relationship was perfect, they all had their up and downs, atleast thats what she kept telling herself..

Over the years her memory of John had faded some, not that it would ever completely fade cause she had Bella to remind her, and Bella was a beautiful girl, she had natalie's bright red flowing locks, a combination of her and Johns bright blue eyes and definitely Johns personality with a little of Natalie's spunk..

It use to hurt to even look at Bella cause it opened those damn doors to her past a past that she would much rather forget about, she was married now, to a great guy, he was attractive and intelligent, she didnt want for anything which meant that bella didnt want for anything, she was definitely a daddy's girl, and her family was happy, she was no longer the black sheep of the family but a real member even if it meant giving a part of herself up cause when it counted her family was the only ones there to help her pick up the pieces and for that she would forever be grateful..

Natalie sipped on the rest of her coffee as Jr came out of the bathroom dressed in an armoni suit, black with a white silk shirt underneath, he looked like he could of stepped out of a GQ magazine, his hair was cropped perfectly, not a hair out of place, his eye brows waxed and trimmed, hell sometimes he took more time getting ready then she did..

"You know you could just take this weekend off and come with me" she smiled as she walked over to her husband...

"You know i have the board meetings all weekend, I cant afford to slip up now" he continued to get ready as she stood there, watching him.."when your in New York you can stop by Gucci and Cabana, i have the Charity Ball coming up soon" he began and she helped him with his tie..

"I still have the Gucci dress from last month" she began, all of this was still so weird for her, dressing like royalty, sometimes it was fun but mostly it was playing the part cause old Natalie would of gone to Target and picked up a dress, or even a pair of slacks and been happy but new Natalie, well new natalie had appearances to keep up..

"Exactlly it was last months, i wont have my wife showing up in a dress she already wore" Jr shook his head as he grabbed his wallet and Natalie quickly put her arms around his neck..

"Come on sweetie, lets just skip the meetings, we can go to New York, have a romantic weekend just the two of us, like old times, dont you remember when we use to just say to hell with it all" she reminised on the past, the way it use to be, the way Jr was when they first met, carefree and a bit reckless, she missed those days...

He removed her arms from his neck.."I run a corporation now Natalie, I have alot riding on this, how do you think we afford this house, or this" he held up her hand that held an enormous diamond ring on it..

"I dont need that, i just need you" she smiled softly as she looked at him and it was the gods honest truth..

"How about this, you call Gigi and have her go with you, i can set up a spa date for you both"

Natalie huffed..."I dont want to go with Gigi, i want to go with you"

"and im gonna be late for work" he snapped.. "Please dont get me aggravated before work natalie" he spun for the door and natalie just stood there..

"fine... just go to work and i will see you in 2 days" she was mad, she spun around and part of her wanted him to walk back up to her, to spin her around and grab her, hold her but all she heard was the slamming of the bedroom door and footsteps walking away..

Meanwhile in a small one bedroom apartment in Flatbush Brooklyn an alarm went off and John tossed in his bed, rolling himself over as the alarm blared, a hand reached over him and shut it off, he blinked his eyes, a hangover pending..

"its too early" a female voice sighed loud as John groaned and quickly jumped out of bed, grabbing for some nearby clothes that laid on the floor, he glanced at the brunette in his bed trying desperately to remember her name, Mandy or was it Monica, Michelle maybe? "come back to bed" she whined some as she sat up revealing her naked upper torsal..

"I gotta get to work" he grabbed a shirt from a pile that sat on the chair, he would make a mental note to get laundry done one of these days.."i think this should be enough" he took out a few twenties and placed them on the nightstand..

"what?" she said with shock as she looked at him.."i know you didnt just pay me for sex" she said with wide eyes..

"no?" he asked with confusion as he looked at this woman, damn the alcohol from the night before..

"your an asshole" she jumped up and quickly began getting on her clothes.."im not a whore" she snapped..

"oh my bad" he shook his head, he would definitely have to lighten up on the drinking, it was messing with his mind..

"Oh my bad? Wow... you really are an asshole" she said with complete shock as she grabbed her heels from his floor and picked up his money and threw it at him.."you need it more then i do... fucking loser!"

"alright well you have a good day" he called out as the front door to his apartment was slammed shut and he ran a tired hand through his hair..

The past 7 years had been rough on him, they had taken a huge toll, he spent the majority of the past years going from state to state, never really finding where he could call home, he had been in Brooklyn for almost a year now, working for the New York City Police department, his life turned out the way he thought it would, shitty and miserable just like his exsistance..

The memory of a certain redhead still in his mind, he didnt try to contact her or see her even though it weighed heavy in his heart, the decision to leave lanview that day haunted him, the look on her face haunted him but the way his life turned out, well hell she was better of without him..

He had the means to see what she had been up to but he knew it was pointless, she was a distant memory and he had done her a favor, his fear of commitment had sent him running away like a wounded dog with his tail between his legs but he thought of her from time to time when he wasnt intoxicated or hooking up with a random girl from one of the many local bars he frequented but he tried not to think of her cause thinking of her made him reckless, even more reckless then he already was and he couldnt afford to go back down that road, this life he had was easier, safer, no one to let down but himself and thankfully his own personal goals werent set very high so the fear of failure wasnt even a thought in his mind..

He brushed his teeth fast, ran a hand full of water through his hair as he looked at the increasingly growing five o'clock shadow on his face, no time to shave, maybe tomorrow, he grabbed his keys and took off without giving it another thought..


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Natalie rushed around last minute as she grabbed a few outfits from the closet and Rosa began packing her things..

"you don't have to do that Rosa" Natalie said quickly as Rosa smiled at her..

"But i help Mrs. Chandler" she said politely and Natalie sometimes wondered why she was even there, living this life..

"Mommy...mommy" Bella came running full speed into the room and Natalie knew why she chose this life, it was for that little girl right there, her beautiful daughter, Bella would have the childhood Natalie never had, the two loving parents, the huge house and never a worry in the world, that's why she lived this life.."i found a frog, can i keep it, can i keep it" she said excitedly with her hands full of dirt, the outfit she wore was worth at least two hundred dollars and it was full of dirt and Natalie didn't even care, the sight was priceless, it made her smile..

"A frog...really, where is it" Natalie crouched to Bella's level..

"outside, i wanna bring it to auntie vickies, can i,...can i" she jumped around, tracking dirt as she did as Rosa mumbled to herself...

"well how about this baby girl, we put the froggie in the fish tank and leave it here, i think auntie Vicki may be scared of frogs"

"she is a scared of frogs...?" Bella laughed..."that's silly"

"your auntie Vicki is very silly, why don't you go get Mr froggie and i will get the tank but hurry mommy has to go soon"

"Its a girl froggie mommy" Bella laughed as she ran out of the room and Natalie smiled to herself.."sorry about the mess Rosa" Natalie said apologetically..

"No worries Mrs Chandler" she lied as she walked out of the room and Natalie sighed as she went back into her closet and retrieved a couple last minute items..

John looked at the files in front of him, they were numerous, he liked this, being in a big city, it kept his mind preoccupied and that was a good thing, he saw a flash of red past his door and for a second he froze thinking it was her, he laughed to himself and shook it off..

Natalie crouched down to Bella as she looked her little girl in the eyes, its not like this was her first time away from Bella, her and Jr had taken vacations in the past and left her aunt with Bella but it was always difficult for her to go..

"Now you be a good girl for you auntie"

"I always a good girl, auntie said were getting ice cream" Bella smiled as Natalie looked up at her aunt Vicki.

"not too much sweets, OK" she said as she looked at Vicki who smiled..

"oh let me spoil her some" Vicki grinned..

"spoil me...spoil me" Bella jumped and down as Natalie gave her a big hug and kiss.."I'm gonna get my dolly" Bella ran out of the room as Natalie and Vicki stood there, and Vicki sighed heavily as she touched Natalie's hair..

"I really wish you would reconsider doing this Natalie, no one has heard from Roxy in over 15 years, maybe she doesn't want to be found" Vicki said with concern.."and she's my sister and i haven't even heard from her"

"Aunt Vicki i just have to do this" Natalie began as Vicki let out a deep breath..

"I just don't want you to be let down, that's all, Roxy was never one to stay in one place for very long" Vicki was truly concerned about how Natalie would be if and when she met her mother, cause Vicki knew Roxy, she knew her erratic and reckless ways, she didn't want to see Natalie hurt..

"I'm gonna take my chances" Natalie grabbed a bag from the floor as she looked at her aunt.." I love you aunt Vicki and i will be back in two days"

Natalie drove in her car, it was going to be about a two hour drive to New York City and she opted to drive her own car and skip the limo, she knew Jr was going to be upset but she would deal with that when she got home, she missed this, driving herself around, granted there was times now that she enjoyed being driven around but today she really wanted the time to just drive and enjoy, blasting her favorite music as well, it was reminiscent of other times..

There were times when Natalie and Jr would just drive around for hours on end while her aunt watched Bella, they seemed inseparable, she was so happy, she missed that now she was lucky if they had sex a few times a month, or spent dinner together without Jr being on his phone, or even just being awake without hearing his constant typing on his laptop, she understood that he was busy, that he was running a business but when you ran a business didn't that suppose to mean you had more time to spend with those you love, it seemed so ass backwards, not that she doubted that he loved her, he showed her in his own little way..

His father dying had changed him, not necessarily for the better, he was devastated by the loss and at one point Natalie thought he would never come out of his depression but he did, stronger then ever, unfortunately it meant their relationship would take the backseat..

But Natalie changed too, she wasn't saying she hadn't cause she did, after everything she had been through she looked at life differently, you didn't always get it perfect but you could get it damn close and she was OK with that, she had to be..

But now driving in the car, heading back to her childhood she was nervous, it had been years since she had gone looking for a ghost, searching through her childhood, one that wasn't full of good memories..

She remembered a lot of yelling, crying, drinking and random men, she remembered cooking and cleaning for Rex, getting him off to school in the morning cause her mother was too drunk to move, she even remembered helping her mom with buckets to puke in and soup when she hadn't eaten, it wasn't a good childhood at all but she deserved answers, she was going to demand them, being a mom now she could never imagine just up and leaving Bella to fend for herself, she wanted to know why her mom did this, why she hadn't cared..

Natalie felt the emotion seep into her as she drove and blinked back tears suddenly wondering if this was a good idea..

Johns day was dragging ass as he sat back in his chair, the main exciting points of his night were, what was he going to eat and who he was going to fuck, part of him was getting tired of the same old routine, never settling down just kind of going with the flow, living in the moment, it was tiring to say the least plus he had quite the alcohol problem going on but it only seemed to be a problem when he woke up with a girl in his bed who he hadn't remembered from the night before, he stared at the clock watching the minutes tick away, he would go to O'Malleys and get a cornbeef sandwich on rye, wash it down with a beer and a game of pool and by the end of the night someone would be on his arm and coming home with him..

Driving into the big city brought back all kinds of emotions as Natalie looked at the tall buildings as she sat in traffic, New York seemed the same, the roads lined up with taxi's, people walking in crowds to the nearest subway stations, she had forgotten how much she missed this place, this is where she grew up, she walked these streets..

Her eyes stared all around her, the constant horns beeping, sirens off in the distant, wow she was home, she grinned as she drove, she definitely wasn't in Kansas anymore..

The sound of her phone going off caught her attention as she answered it quickly, noticing it was Jr...

"babe it is so cool here, im in New York City" she squealed with delight..

"and you drove by yourself, we had an agreement" he seemed angry and she sighed..

"I wanted to drive, big deal" she said with a huff..

"your being irresponsible Natalie and i don't think its funny, im sending a car there pronto" he said sternly into the phone and she rolled her eyes..

"its not a big deal babe, im safe, OK..."

"Your in the city,...driving with all those lunatics, you planning on staying in the ghetto too so you can relieve your childhood!" he snapped..

"Your over reacting and i don't want to fight with you" he was gonna ruin her time there, she could already sense it...

"Then stop going behind my back and being stupid"

"You know what im not going to do this right now, your gonna make me crash" she snapped back at him..

"you just have to piss me off, don't you, i told you i have an important weekend, i should have my wife here by my side and yet your in new york chasing a crackpot of a mom who didn't give a shit about you"

"Thanks for reminding me Jr..."

"Natalie just come home, stop being childish"

"im not being childish...god! Why cant you understand that!"

"I could of used your help this weekend, your being selfish"

"Oh im being selfish, me? Your the one who cant take a god damn day and spend it with me! "

"what the hell are you talking about, we spent last night together"

"It doesn't count when your on that damn phone or on your laptop Jr"

"I'm doing this for us...for our family...for Bella or have you forgotten that!"

"well your family needs you to be around more" she was shaking now as she pulled up to her hotel..

"what the hell do you want from me Natalie, everything i do i do for you cause damn it i love you!"

"well sometimes i wish you would show me " she fought back tears..

"I show you every day, why are you doing this right now, i just gave you a diamond tennis bracelet!"

"i don't want a fucking diamond bracelet Jr, don't you see, i don't want any of it..i ..i" she began to cry, damn him for making her so emotional before she had to head inside of the hotel..

"Natalie don't cry" he lowered his voice..

"I just really wish things were different" she wiped her eyes and he sighed deep..

"Listen im sorry but my meeting is starting.."

"its OK..." she sniffled some..

"I will call you back when im done and we can talk, OK.. no more fighting"

"OK.." they hung up and she tried to compose herself as she sat in the car and glanced up at the huge hotel, she would go inside and get cleaned up and then grab a bite to eat and possibly a drink or three..

She was staying at the Park Place Hotel and it was gorgeous as she made her way to her room, even though over the past few years she got use to staying in places like this during vacation and what not it never got lost on her, it was simply beautiful and she remembered times when her and Jr use to frequent places like this, but that was a long time ago now..

Her room looked like an apartment in itself as she made her way inside, carrying her own bags that she insisted to the door man, she dropped them on the ground and just marveled at the beauty around her, a full living room, kitchen, two bathrooms, a huge fire place, Jr spared no expense on this at all and she took a deep breath, this was going to be nice, just some alone time, it had been quite some time since she had that cause if she wasn't busy with Bella then she was busy planning a dinner party or helping out here and there at BCE, even though her main role nowadays was as a stay at home mom and she loved it, she did but she did miss working..

She checked the place out including the incredible view from the balcony that over looked Central park, she would make an effort to go and visit that before she left, she headed back inside and began to get ready as her stomach grumbled and she had one thing in mind to eat, not some fancy room service,no, she wanted a burger, a greasy one with lots of french fries and a nice cold beer..

John finished up work and made his way to one of his favorite hang outs, he was quite the regular there and he knew that with it being a Friday night he would get plenty of pool challenges, its one of the things that kept him sane these days, he ordered himself a beer after making a tiny bit of small talk with the bartender, then he headed to his table and sat back, enjoying the music in the background as he nursed his beer..

Natalie was excited as she headed out, it was already getting dark and that's when the city was the most alive, the most beautiful as it was lit up, she opted to walk instead of drive, especially since she was planning on a few beers, she smiled as she saw the subway, this was like old times, she knew exactly where she wanted to go to, to the place she had spent a lot of her child, a small neighborhood bar called O'Malleys, she wondered if they were still around cause even as a child she would go there to play pool and get a big glass of soda, she learned the majority of her pool techniques there..

Going inside the small establishment she immediately began to have flashbacks of being there, she had to be only 11 at the time, she looked around and smiled, it looked just like she had remembered and she headed to the bar..

"what can i get you sweetheart" an older lady with blonde hair spoke, she was the bartender and by the looks of it she had had a rough life, probably only in her mid forties but her skin looked much older as well as her raspy voice probably from years upon years of smoking, this was definitely New York..

"yeah i will take a beer, bud light...this place is great" Natalie smiled as the woman prepared her beer..

"Your not from around here, huh" the woman looked at her and her hand dropped to the large diamond on her finger, she hadn't even noticed that she would seem odd in a place like this, she use to frequent bars all the time, not so much anymore these days, now it was more like glasses of wine at the country club, she shifted uncomfortably as she shoved her hand on her lap as she took her beer..

"actually i grew up here, been awhile though" Natalie said quickly as she sipped her beer, and the woman looked at her again..

"I can see that" the woman looked her over and Natalie nervously drank back her beer and looked around, the place was pretty packed, a small jukebox in the back by the pool table played loud music and she grabbed what was left of her beer and headed back towards it, taking in all the detail as she made her way through the bar, getting stares as she did so, a tiny bit of commotion was going on in the way back part of the club as a group of guys seemed to be playing a game of darts..

"Look at that fuckers" John laughed as he hit the bulls eye and groaning could be heard from his peers..

"Pure luck McBain, pure luck" one guy called out as another guys attention got caught by something or better yet someone, John glanced at him..

"Now that is one fine piece of grade A, top of the choice meat" the guy grinned big as John began to make his next shot...

"go easy on her big guy" John continued with his game..

Natalie nervously fidgeted with her hands as she walked through the bar, immediately noticing an older gentleman walking up to her with a big grin on his face and she gulped as she looked around, he was coming over..

"baby someone better call god cause he is missing an angel" the guy smiled big and Natalie laughed and loud, was this guy for real?" hello sweetness, my name is Joey" he put his hand out towards her and she looked at it with a half laugh, shaking it as he kissed it quickly.."and who do i owe the pleasure to?"

Natalie pulled her hand back, she wasn't about to give this guy her real name.."Red" she said with a smile, it had been awhile since she was hit on by cheesy pick up lines, it was actually nice, made her smile this guy seemed harmless, a bit drunk and stumbling but harmless..

"of course you are, can i get you another" he glanced at her drink and then the rock on her hand, his eyes got wide.." now that's some rock..., im not gonna get my ass kicked am i" he seemed nervous and she couldn't help but laugh out loud..

John went to through his third dart but he heard something, something he hadn't heard in awhile, something familiar, something he never thought he would hear again and he slowly spun around, for a second he thought maybe he had one too many drinks cause he could swear he saw her, Natalie that is talking to his drunken buddy..

He shifted some as he tried to get a better view.."come on mcbain your holding up the game" a guy yelled and the name caught Natalie off guard as she looked past Joey and straight into the blue eyes that she never thought she would see again, it was John McBain...

Their eyes locked as confusion spread over their faces, both of them feeling like they were in some kind of dream realm as they stood there across the room from one another, both of them thinking the same thing, this had to be a dream...

"Mcbain" the guy called out again and this time Natalie jumped, it was him..

"I didn't mean any disrespect Red" Joey began to apologize but Natalie didn't pay him any mind, her heart was racing as she looked at him..

"here" John said quickly as he passed off his dart, his eyes locked on her, she was just as he remembered her, a bit older yes but damn it was a sight for him to see, he began walking towards her..

Natalie felt like she was going to drop her beer as she watched him start walking over, Joey was still rambling but she couldn't hear him, its like she had tunnel vision and all she saw was him, she moved past Joey quickly and walked towards John, meeting him half way, they stopped a few feet from one another..

"wow...John McBain" the words just came out of her mouth..

"Natalie" he spoke, his voice a bit hoarse as he cleared it, and they just stood there, taking in all the detail of the one person neither of them thought they would ever see again..


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

This was one of those moments in life that truly shocked you, running into someone from the past, a scenario that had been thought of before but the reality of it happening seemed nonexistent, what do you say, what do you do? They both just stood there seeming disoriented, confused..

John looked the way she remembered him, maybe a bit more rough around the edges, a bit more hair on his face, the length of his hair longer, his body a bit thicker, he had gained some weight but those eyes, those dark blues eyes they were the same and for a second she felt like no time had passed, like she had just seen him yesterday..

Joey stood off in the distant, watching in amusement, this was a side of McBain he had not witnessed before, he was staring at this red headed woman like he was looking into the face of god..

"Natalie...wow, you look great" was all he could say as he looked at a ghost of his past, she was really there, how and why he had no idea but he'd be damned cause she was right in front of him and he felt like a kid on Christmas morning..

She was just as beautiful as he remembered, maybe even more so if that was even possible, her hair was longer, much longer but just as gorgeous as ever, the light shimmering off her hair , lighting up those baby blues he had looked into so many times before..

"John...I...I...wow, you look great too" she fumbled with her words and in an instant they were hugging, anyone looking in would seem to think it was a hug from a long lost friend, it had those qualities but as soon as their bodies collided it was as if time stood still, he felt amazing..

John felt a rush of emotion wash over him as he held her in his arms, it was an imagine and a feeling he never thought he would feel again but she was there and she was real..

They both pulled back after a few seconds, indescribable looks on their faces, they had both felt that even though no one at the moment would say anything..

"so what are you doing here?" they said in unison, both equally excited to find out what had brought the other to this exact place at this exact time..

"Let me get you another drink first, we can catch up" John said as a statement not a question as she stood there, her heart still racing away, she really never thought she would see him again, she was truly in shock..

John felt his body pumping adrenaline, he was beyond excited that she was there, probably the first time in years he had genuinely smiled as he went up to the bar, Joey in tow as he glanced back at Natalie..

"you know her" Joey asked rhetorically as John ordered a few more beers..

"Yeah... cant believe she is here" is all he could say as Joey smiled smugly..

"I don't believe it, Johnny McBain in taken by a woman, like really taken" Joey laughed as John grabbed the drinks, not paying attention to him as he walked past him.."have fun" Joey laughed as John came walking back towards her and she smiled nervously..

"lets grab a seat" he began as he walked past her looking around for a quiet empty place, they had so much to catch up on, he couldn't believe this was happening, Natalie just followed him, a bit short on what to say at the moment as he grabbed a table and they sat across from one another.."You look amazing Natalie" he took in the details of her face again as he leaned across the table..

"You too John, you too...so how have you been?" she asked honestly cause she had wondered that for so many years, especially times when she found herself sitting alone in her room when Bella had been sleeping, her heart began to race more, Bella, oh my god, she shifted uncomfortably in her seat but thankfully John was too engrossed on staring at her that he noticed..

"good, im working...is that why your here, are you on business, how is the LPD" he had so much to ask, he was literally squirming in his seat as he looked at her..

"Oh that" she took a healthy gulp of her beer.." Its good, but I don't work there anymore" over the years she hadn't been ashamed to tell anyone that she no longer was an officer of the law, everyone just kind of expected it but now sitting in front of john, she felt embarrassed and ashamed cause of it..

"Oh yeah, did you move...ive been all over the states" he didn't really catch on to what she was saying, then his eyes lit up with an idea.."are you living in New York?" the possibilities seemed endless to him if that was the case..

"Oh ,...no...still in lanview" she nervously twisted her wedding ring under the table, John hadn't even noticed it, she felt it burning her skin.."I'm working for my uncle Clint now" she took another healthy gulp and John laughed and loud..

"yeah OK Natalie, your working a desk job" he laughed jokingly, he thought she was kidding but quickly he saw she wasn't, the expression on her face..."your not a cop anymore?" he was confused, she absolutely loved being a cop or at least that's how he remembered her, that was her life..

"I wanted a change, you know...but enough about me...how are you" she wanted to change the subject about herself and quick.."I see your still doing what you love" she smiled nervously some more as she drank...

"yeah well New York City is a lot bigger then Lanview" he began..."so if your not a cop, not on business, what are you doing in New York City?" he was still shocked that she no longer worked for the LPD, and curiosity wanted to know why but by the look of her body expressions he could tell that was a story for another time..

"Oh its just...ya know" she began as her phone went off, making her jump as she grabbed it without looking.."sorry" she whispered as he watched her answer the phone.."Hello..." she answered and immediately heard Jr's voice, she stiffened, John noticing..

"Listen I was hoping we could talk, I have a few minutes"

Natalie fidgeted in her seat uncomfortably.."I'm kind of eating right now" she looked to John and then quickly looked away..

"i only have a few minutes Natalie"

"I know, im gonna be done here soon, I can call then" she said nervously as her heart sped up and she turned in her seat some, feeling Johns eyes on her the whole time as he sipped his beer...

"When I get home I will call you OK, are you doing OK, you sound kind of distressed"

"Just trying to settle down a bit, was a long drive" she couldn't wait for this phone conversation to end..

"one that could have been prevented " he began and she sighed, John noticing every detail of her body expressions.."OK, I wont start again, I will call you tonight... I love you Natalie" she knew if she didn't say it back then it would lead to a million questions, she turned her head..

"Love you too" she said quickly and then shut her phone, noticing immediately it wasn't lost on John but that wasn't the only thing that wasn't lost on him cause the hand that held that tiny cell phone had a huge diamond ring on it, his eyes were staring at it then at her as she shoved her phone back into her lap.."so im glad your doing OK" she tried to act nonchalant..

"Your married?" he couldn't help but say it, he saw the ring, he heard the I love you, right about now it felt like he had been kicked in the gut as he sat across from her..

"Yep... married... about 5 years now" she said quickly, nonchalantly as she sipped her beer..

Johns eyes got wide, he tried to play it off with a fake smile, of course she would be married, this was Natalie here, she was beautiful, intelligent, and witty as hell, of course some guy would of married her...

"Thats...that's great, congratulations" he lied with a smile as he drank back some more of his beer, and the mood got increasingly uncomfortable as they drank back their beers..

"Thanks" she felt so awkward as she looked at him..

John had another million and one questions now like who the hell is the guy, how did this happen, what else didn't he know..

"Lucky guy" he said quickly as he finished the rest of his beer and stood up.."you want another?" he definitely needed more alcohol now...

"actually" she stood as well..."I should get going, I have a lot of things planned for tomorrow"

John stood there and looked at her for a second, really looked at her, this was ending too soon, he wanted more time with her, married or not..

"But you just got here, one more, its been awhile" he knew he sounded like he was pleading with her, he didn't care, this could be the last time he saw her...

"I don't know" she began to fidget nervously as she stood there, everything in her screaming to go, to go right now...

"Just one more, for old times" he smiled softly, there was something in his tone, something that begged her to stay, how could she say no to that, she sat back down and smiled..

"OK just one more" she smiled as he took off for the bar and he came back with a pitcher and two glasses, yeah he knew this was wrong, she looked up at him, her eyes wide.."I said one more" she said with confusion and he smiled as he sat down..

"im sorry you didn't really explain what one meant,i thought you meant a one pitcher" he grinned and she couldn't help but smile as she sighed..

"same old John" she half laughed as she shook her head..

"its not everyday you run into someone you " he stopped himself as he began pouring their glasses, what he was about to say wasn't lost on her at all, she let it slide, cause there was no way he was going to say someone you love, cause this was John mcbain, the same one who left her all those years ago, she quickly snapped out of those memories, now was not the time for that, she would have a few drinks with him, go back to her hotel, finish off the research about her mom then go home, end of story..

So they began to drink and talk, avoiding the subject of Natalie's marriage, they talked about John's job, some of the cases he worked on, she began telling him about looking for her mom but leaving out the small detail of Bella, and soon that one pitcher became two as they sat there, it was actually nice, talking with him like this, she had remembered how much she missed this, to have an actual conversation where the other person was completely enthralled in what she had to say as if what she said was important to them, no matter how small..

"so the last time anyone heard from her was the day before she took off" John was listening with interest, he hadn't known much about Natalie when he was in Lanview, and this part of her life that she shared, well it surprised him...

"Yeah ive asked Vicki a million times and she swears that Roxy seemed like her usual self, no indication that she was about to take off on her kids, and I have these addresses of some friends" John looked at the piece of paper, his eyes still glancing at that ring even though they didn't bring it up again which was good in a way but he still had so many questions..

"I know right where these are, I can help you tomorrow" he began and she smiled nervously..

"Oh I don't want you to have to do that John, its fine" she began and he shook his head..

"I want to help, plus I could find out somethings from the NY PD, I have friends, good ones" he winked and for a second she felt hope cause back in Lanview no one at the PD would help her with this at all, all she had was Rex and his sources were limited.."Please let me help you"

She looked at him, in those big blue eyes and she smiled, what would it hurt, he could probably get some really good information for her.."OK deal...but now...now I have to go" she stood up some and wobbled, it had been ages since she drank like this, he stood quickly and took her arm and she ignored the instant spark she felt shoot up her hand and traveling all over her body..

"Let me call you a cab at least, where are you staying?" he held onto her elbow, not missing how wonderful she smelt..

"actually im kind of wanting to walk, im over by Central park" she began and he smiled big as he threw down a tip on the table..

"Then I will walk you" he began and she shook her head.."I wont take no for an answer plus New York City is beautiful at night but dangerous"

"OK fine" she shook her head and sighed as they began to make their way outside, it was beautiful.." we could take the subway" she began as she stumbled some more and he put his arm around her shoulder protectively, she didn't stop him, she liked the feeling of being close to him..

"whatever you want Natalie" he said as they walked, he used the excuse that she was intoxicated to have his arm on her but that was so far from the truth, he had missed her, he had missed being around her, he didn't realize how much till now, and so they walked and pointed at buildings, shared some laughs, rode the subway, talked some more about nothing in general, just life..

"I still cant believe you grew up in the city, its beautiful here" he began as he looked at her as they walked, she was beautiful..

"Yeah I wasn't always a country girl" she giggled..

"i never thought there was anything country about you" he grinned and she did too.."this was really nice, running into you"

"yeah it was" she smiled but didn't look at him as they walked, she could feel him staring at her again, it gave her butterflies in her stomach, it made her pulse race...

They neared the grand hotel, it was enormous and not like anything John had ever stayed in..

"wow you spared no expense, huh" he laughed some as he looked up at the tall building and so did she..

She felt uncomfortable again as she looked at the large hotel.."Its a little obnoxious huh"

"Just a little" he smiled and their eyes locked, he brushed a piece of hair from her eyes, letting his fingers linger on her soft porcelain skin for a few seconds longer then needed..

"I should get inside" she looked away from his gaze and back at the building..."I had fun, thank you for walking with me"

"anytime Natalie" she looked at him again then quickly away.."i can swing by and get you in the morning, we can check out those places, grab a bite to eat" he was looking forward to this, more then she knew..

"that sounds like a plan" she stepped from him as he stood there, looking at her.."goodnight" she turned and faced him for a second..

"Goodnight Natalie" he watched her make her way inside as he stood there, he was excited for tomorrow to come, so excited he wondered if he would even get any sleep at all, he glanced at the piece of paper that held her phone number in his hand, he held it tight then smiled as he walked away..

By the time Natalie got into her hotel room her heart was racing erratically, that had to be one of the most fun nights in her life, she smiled as she thought of him, her phone rang and for a second she thought maybe it was him but she saw it was Jr, her heart raced again but not out of excitement this time but out of guilt..

"Hello" she said quickly as she tried to sound as sober as possible, failing miserably..

"Your kidding me,...your drunk" Jr snapped instantly...

"I'm not drunk, I had a few drinks" she began and he sighed heavily..

"where?" he was getting impatient, he didn't like having her away from him..

"at a bar" she said quickly, immediately regretting her choice of words..

"A god damn bar... are you trying to get yourself raped or killed, or both!"

"I just had a few drinks and as you can see I am fine" she snapped loudly..

"My wife, Natalie Chandler was sitting at some dive bar, this is just great...what if someone saw you, do you know what this could do to my reputation, damn it...i knew this was a bad idea!" he yelled and she slumped on the couch..

"No one saw me, no one even knows who I am" she huffed..

"yeah I find that hard to believe, why do you have to be so damn irresponsible, you know you have a daughter at home, right...or did you forget that"

"don't bring Bella into this... I am fine... she is fine"

"How would you know, I just talked to your aunt and she says you didn't even call to wish Bella a good night" Natalie felt her heart sink as she closed her eyes, she had forgotten to call Bella, she slumped lower on the couch..

"I'm sorry" she said with shame and he sighed deep..

"i don't know what has gotten into you Natalie"

"Nothing has gotten into me, I just kind of lost track of time" she began and he laughed sarcastically..

"So your just walking in now...do you have any idea what time it is... its 1 am Natalie!"

"and im sure your just not getting off of work now Jr" she snapped back..

"I had a few drinks with clients, that's what I do, I entertain, I don't run around gallivanting at local bars!"

"I went to one bar Jr, one...i had a few drinks OK... im fine... im back now and I want to go to bed"

"Fine... im done talking to you now anyways, you sound like a fucking drunk"

"I'm not drunk!"

"sleep it off Natalie and call me in the morning when your more yourself" he hung up and she sighed deep as she put her phone down, an impending headache creeping up on her as she sat there, just great, he ruined her buzz and now she was going to have to pay for it, she closed her eyes, she was tense, upset, her mind went to him, to John, to the enjoyable night they had, she smiled and fell asleep..

John got back to his apartment in record time, he felt like he was walking on clouds, seeing her again after all this time it stirred something up in him, he felt happy, he actually felt happy..

He cracked open a beer and quickly got out his laptop and began searching a one Roxy  
Balsam, he was going to help Natalie find her mother, since he did work at the NYPD he had all kinds of programs on his computer things that normal individuals couldn't see, he began running a search on her, numerous charges popped up on the screen ranging from drunk and disorderly to petty theft..

He began looking up the addresses that Natalie gave him, the different locations she use to frequent, it wasn't in the best neighborhoods, she really just seemed like nothing more then a drunk, it wasn't surprising for him that she left, she was a dead beat..

He looked at a list of Roxy's relatives, he stopped when he saw Victoria Balsam, now Buchanan, there was a picture with Victoria, Clint and two small children, a blonde haired boy, red headed girl, he smiled even then Natalie was beautiful..

He couldn't help himself he ran a search on Natalie and the first thing that popped up made his eyes go wide..

Buchanan Heiress marries into the Chandlers, a match made in heaven not only for the new bride and groom but for Buchanan Enterprise and Chandler Enterprise... it went on to talk about the merger, it showed a picture of Natalie and Adam Chandler Jr; one from their wedding day, his heart sank, what the hell was she doing with that guy..

John knew who he was, hell he had many of run ins with the late Adam Chandler Sr who had embezzlement charges, he ran a shady corporation, everyone and anyone who was in law enforcement knew about the Chandlers, his heart sank, Natalie was married to a white collar asshole, he felt himself get angry for many reasons one being that he left lanview, that he left her and secondly that she married Adam Chandler Jr, the Natalie he knew would of never done such a thing, he read on further, knowing that he should just stop but he couldn't help himself, he saw another picture but this one was not only Natalie and Jr but a little girl, maybe 3 yrs old at the time, bright red hair, blue eyes, his heart began to race, Natalie had a daughter, he quickly slammed back the rest of his beer as he leaned back in his chair, why hadn't she said anything to him, he understood that they kind of avoided the subject of her marriage, he was grateful for that but she was a mom, she had a daughter, why not tell him that, he felt like his world was collapsing all over again, Natalie really had moved on, she had moved on and had a child with this son of a bitch, he quickly slammed his laptop closed, that was enough for tonight..


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

By the next day Natalie had gotten up bright and early, she was rushing around getting ready, she felt nervous, so nervous to hang out with John, the guilt coming over her was overwhelming, she was a married woman now, and she loved Jr even though he could be such a bastard at times, he was her husband..

She had called Bella first thing when she woke up and got to speak to her sweet angel for a few minutes, her mind immediately going to John and how he would react to knowing he had a daughter, a beautiful daughter but its wasn't like she was planning on telling him cause she wasn't, she couldn't but she didn't know if she could bear to lie to him either but it was only one more day, she would be heading back to Lanview tomorrow, she wouldn't see John again, life would go on as planned, he was his same old self, still single, still a workaholic, he had no time in his life for a child, Natalie knew that and it was better this way, better for everyone especially Bella, cause as far as Bella knew Jr was her daddy and he was a good dad to her..

Natalie felt her heart race with anticipation and guilt as she fixed her hair and stared at her ring, what the hell was she doing, this was so wrong, so very wrong,her phone rang she answered it immediately..

"Good morning" she heard Johns voice on the other end and she couldn't help but smile..

John had barely gotten any sleep at all after his discovery last night but he was still looking forward to spending this time with her, even if it was chasing after a ghost of her past, he pushed back his feelings he had about a certain husband she had and a child her and Jr had that he knew nothing about, today they would just work on finding information on her mom..

"Did you sleep OK?" he noticed she sounded groggy and part of him was hoping she wasn't about to bail on him..

"Yeah and you?' he felt relief, if she was gonna bail she would of come up with some lame excuse by now, but he didn't want to give her anytime to think of something either..

"great" he lied.."so are you ready im gonna swing by now"

"Um" she began part of her wanting to cancel their plans..

He could hear the doubt in her voice.."I got some information, I was thinking we could go over it during breakfast"

"Oh... that's great" she was happy he found something and quite touched that he had apparently stayed up doing research to help her..

"I will be there in 20"

"i will be waiting outside" they hung up and she sucked in a deep breath, she could do this, it would be painless, her and john could hang out, find out more about her mom and by tomorrow she would be in the car heading back to Lanview, back to her normal life..

John had driven to them a cute little diner, and they sat back sipping on coffee, he couldn't help but stare at her smile, god he had missed that..

"I'm sure your used to something better then a crappy diner" he sipped his coffee and she swallowed the lump in her throat..

"huh... no, this is perfect" she felt uncomfortable, there was something on his mind, she could feel a change in his demeanor..

He glanced at her ring again then at her and she nervously placed it on her lap, out of view...

He contemplated letting her know that he knew about her and Jr, as well as a daughter but he stopped himself, maybe it was better left unsaid, he didn't want to ruin their time and if she wasn't bringing it up then maybe it was for the best..

The silence got awkward as their food came giving a brief escape from the quietness as they began to eat..

"so I found some information about your mother" he pushed a piece of paper over to her, listing the charges and she nodded, she had seen those before, granted she knew her mother had a few run ins with the law, that wasn't a secret..

"she was quite the mom" as she said that she thought about Bella and she fidgeted nervously in her seat and it wasn't lost on John..

"yeah she was" it was killing him not to say anything to her.."I have the directions to all these addresses too, I was thinking we could stop by this one first" he pointed to a random address.."the woman Rita still lives there, she may know something"

Natalie felt uneasiness wash over her as she tried to pretend to look over the paper..John felt the same thing but he refused to let this ruin their day even though he was annoyed she left out so many details about her new life, not that he felt like she owed it to him but still..

"so how is it working for your uncle" he began, trying to find a subject that wouldn't cause awkwardness, there seem to be only a few...

"good,... I'm not really working much these days, I help Rex out a lot, you remember him?" she didn't know how long she could keep this charade going..

"Yeah, good kid...how is he?" he asked, remembering the first time he met the guy and the things leading up to it, his heart began to thud heavily in his chest..

"good, he is with Gigi now, his business is growing, he's gonna be a dad" she swallowed hard as she ate her food..

"wow, it seems like everyone I know is having kids these days" he stared at her and she looked out the window..

"i guess it just happens with life" she wanted to run and hide, why couldn't she just tell him about Bella, hell she didn't even have to tell him that Bella was his, she could just say she had a child but she felt weird doing it now, she should of told him right away that she had a daughter..

"yeah" he sat back in his seat, she wasn't even going to mention she had a child, it irked him but he let it slide again, for now.."so what do you say we head out of here and checked out this Rita person" he said quickly cause if they sat there any longer he would start demanding answers from her as to why she was being so damn secretive with him..

"sounds good" Natalie too couldn't wait to get out of there and off of this subject of children..

The car ride was quiet and uncomfortable, it was eating John up inside and Natalie as well...They pulled up to a large apartment building on the east side of Brooklyn, it was very old looking, the neighborhood had gone to shit not that it was nice when Natalie was living around there, she took in all the views, the small corner store that her and Rex use to frequent, the liquor stores on almost every corner as well as pawn shops..

"does this look familiar" he glanced at her as she seemed to be in her own world..

"yeah it does" she said low as her stomach began to twist in knots, being back in this old neighborhood brought back too many bad memories...

"well lets go talk to Rita, you gonna be OK?" he asked with concern, she looked pale as a ghost, he could tell her ghosts of the past were creeping up on her, he placed a supportive hand onto hers and she smiled some as she looked at him..

"yeah im fine" she lied, she was anything but fine.."lets go"

Standing at the now opened door to the apartment Natalie stared into the big brown Eyes of Rita Miller, memories flooding back, she remembered now, she remembered being in Rita's place many times as the women played cards and she would sit and watch tv with Rex, Rita seemed so old now, so fragile, her long brown hair was now streaked with white, the lines on her face heavy and defined, her skin pruned and thin but her smile was the same..

"Natalie Balsam!" she said with excitement taking Natalie off guard as the old woman hugged her tight and John watched.."Oh my goodness... look at you" Rita backed up some smiling wide as a few coughs escaped her chest.."you look the same as I remember you, just as beautiful as ever" she brought her attention to John who was standing off to the side, she glanced at the ring on Natalie's hand.."Oh wow, congratulations, you make a wonderful looking couple" she said ecstatically.

"Oh...no... he's not" Natalie began as John moved next to her, whipping out his badge quickly..

"I'm officer Mcbain" Rita's eyes got wide.."i need to ask you a few questions" Natalie looked to John, he damn near gave this woman a heart attack...

"John" she said quickly as Rita opened the door more, her thin hands now shaking..

"I don't...what is this about" Rita looked between the two of them in fear, Natalie pushed Johns badge down..

"Dont mind him Rita your not in trouble" Natalie shook her head, she couldn't believe he whipped out his badge, you cant do that in this part of town..."I just had a few questions about my mother"

"Your mother... I don't understand?" Rita began and Natalie smiled softly, wanting to calm her down..

"can I...can we come inside" she said softly and Rita seemed to think about it for a second, and she slowly moved aside..

"let me go get us a drink... coffee, Bourbon, scotch, maybe a beer?" she asked quickly as she walked towards the kitchen and Natalie and John moved inside..

"Coffee is fine" Natalie began as John sighed..

"I could of used the scotch" he rolled his eyes and she playfully punched his arm..

"You behave yourself John, you damn near scared her to death" Natalie said with a shake of her head..

"what? I'm a cop, that's what we do or don't you remember" he said a bit sarcastically and she shot him a look.."Just saying" he moved past her and she sighed deep as he walked into the living room and began looking at things, the old furniture that still had plastic on it, now covered in dust, the old pictures, he stopped at one of a small redheaded child, he thought of Natalie's daughter.."is that you?" he knew it was and she walked over to it, shocked to see it..

"wow" she said with shock.."it is"

"cute kid" John said quickly

"she was a beautiful girl, such a good kid too" Rita began as she walked in carrying a tray with coffee and cookies, she gently placed it on the old wooden coffee table as John and Natalie took a seat across from her, sharing the small uncomfortable couch.."How have you been Natalie, your married?" Rita looked at the ring again..."that's a beautiful ring"

"Thank you, yes I am" Natalie swallowed hard...

"he is a lucky man" Rita smiled and john slouched back in the couch.."i don't really understand why you had to bring the police here to ask me about your mom, I would of told you anything you wanted to know"

"oh no no, its not like that Rita,...John here is a friend of mine" Natalie began as Rita looked at him again then back at Natalie.

"Natalie use to be a cop as well" John spit out as Rita's eyes got wide and Natalie shot john a look, he wasn't going to let this go..

"Thank you John" Natalie said sarcastically as she looked at John then back Rita.."I'm retired now though but I really do have some questions about my mother"

"she was an amazing cop" John interjected and Natalie shot him another look and he shrugged his shoulders some as he sipped on his coffee.."just saying"

Natalie rolled her eyes at him and brought her attention back to Rita..."I will be honest with you Natalie I haven't heard from your mom since you and Rexy left...how is he by the way, he was such a cute kid"

"doing good...but Rita I really need to know about the last time you saw my mom.. im trying to find her" Natalie definitely didn't want to get on the subject of Rex, they would be there all day, and she was feeling increasingly uncomfortable as it was..

"wow, that was a long time ago" Rita sat back on the old chair in heavy thought..

"anything you remember would be appreciated" Natalie said softly as Rita looked at her, it seemed like she remembered something, something that made her body stiffen some..

"she was upset you know,...she needed someone to talk to, your father had come by to see her" she began as Natalie's eyes got wide, her father, she didn't even know who he was, according to the Buchanan's it was a random one night stand, not anything to be proud of..

"My father?" Natalie said with surprise as John and Rita both looked at her, noticing immediately that this was news to her, shocking news..

"Oh I shouldn't say anymore" Rita got up nervously and Natalie now stood too, John as well..

"No please Rita, continue... my father, I didn't know who he was" Natalie felt emotions seep up in her, what else didn't she know about her childhood..

"it was a long time ago Natalie, your mother she didn't want you to be upset, he wasn't a good man" Rita shook her head, visibly upset..

"Rita who is my dad" Natalie was getting angry now..

"Please don't do this Natalie, somethings are better left in the past" Rita began as John cut her off..

"she asked you a question Ms. Miller now I advise you to answer or we can do this down at the station" John demanded and for once Natalie was happy he used his power in law enforcement cause Rita's face changed dramatically..

"I don't think that is necessary" Rita said quietly as Natalie walked up to her..

"Please just tell me Rita" Natalie pleaded with this woman who seemed to soften some at Natalie's emotion, she touched Natalie's hair softly..

"Your mother loved you Natalie, so much.." Rita backed up some, emotion apparent in her voice..."granted she wasn't the best mom a child could ask for but she tried her best, she did what she had to and he didn't make it easy for her" there was anger in her voice..."I don't know his name Natalie, I swear or I would tell you, but I remember him" Rita seemed to be in her own world.."he kept your mom a prisoner in her own home"

Natalie swallowed hard, her eyes filling with tears as John put a supportive hand on her shoulder, she felt it there but didn't look..

"He was always holding something over her head, your mom didn't tell me much but it was big..he only came around every once and awhile but when he did he made her miserable, the day she came to my place" Rita took a deep breath.."the last time I saw your mother she said he was threatening to take you and Rexy away, Roxy was a mess, I told her to go to the cops, she wouldn't listen, she said she was going to pack you both up and leave New york and start over" Rita trailed off and Natalie felt warm liquid running down her cheeks, she didn't even notice that they were tears until john handed her a tissue..Rita looked at her with tears in her eyes.."then she was gone, she would of never left you both, I swear Natalie, she wouldn't of taken off, I tried to tell the cops, they wouldn't listen, im so sorry, he did something to her, I know he did"

"what did he look like?" Natalie tried to keep her composure as Rita began to pace..

"Brown hair, blue eyes, a mustache at the time, everytime I saw him he was walking around like he owned the place, he was rude to me, I was always worried he would do something to her and when she just left, I just knew"

Natalie wiped her face, she was in so much pain right now it was indescribable, was her mother dead, murdered by her own father, the images in her head were killing her...

John watched as the emotions spread over Natalie, he felt his gut clench, she was devastated..

They said there goodbyes to Rita and took off, the car ride was quiet as Natalie looked out the window, hearing Rita's words in her head..

"are you OK?" John asked as she stared out the window...

"part of me just wants to think that Rita is out of her mind, but she was telling the truth, wasn't she..." Natalie finally looked at him..

"for as long as I have worked in law enforcement and watched people lie" he paused for a second.."she was telling the truth about your mom"

Natalie took a deep breath as she looked back out the window again..."I need to find out who that man is, who my father is"

"Do you really think he did something to her" he already knew the answer to that cause he was thinking the same thing, Natalie looked at him with tears in her eyes yet again but these were angry tears now..

"he knows something about her, and im going to find out who he is and get to the bottom of this" she wiped her eyes fast, she couldnt bear to jump to conclusions just yet..

"we can run a DNA analysis, can take a few weeks for the results though but I have a guy who could probably get it done in about a week, we could run it through the system, , it can track anyone who has ever been to prison,see what comes up, they are all required to do DNA swabs now"

"you would do that for me" she felt touched as she looked at him and he smiled softly..

"Natalie I would do anything for you" he looked at her for a second, wiping a lone tear from her face as he brought his attention back to the road...

The rest of the car ride was in silence except for the songs on the radio.. They had swung by the station, Natalie had given hair samples, blood and mucus samples, everything to cover all bases, they drove back to her hotel now, neither of them really speaking till they pulled up to it..

"i can contact you when I get the results" John began as she looked at him and smiled..

"I really appreciate that John, everything you have done" she said sincerely but with sadness knowing that tomorrow morning she was heading back to Lanview..

"Your leaving in the morning, right?" he hated that she was going but she had a life back in lanview, a husband and a daughter, she had a family, it hurt his heart to think about it..

"Yeah bright and early" she put her hand on the door and he reached out and put his hand on her arm, stopping her..

"can we get dinner, I know I shouldn't be asking, but your leaving tomorrow, its still early" his heart was racing and she looked at him...

"i really should pack" she swallowed hard as she looked at him and he removed his hand...

"yeah I understand" she heard the disappointment in his voice, it tore at her..."maybe another time"

"yeah...another time" she said softly as she got out of the car and so did he as he met her by the side of the car, they kind of stood there for a second not saying anything..

"so I guess this is goodbye...again" he said low and she felt her heart sink, she remembered what it felt like last time they said goodbye, this time wasn't any easier.."maybe we can stay in touch this time" he knew it wouldn't happen but he had to say it, she smiled softly, not wanting to cry as she looked at him..

"sure" she lied, she knew that as soon as she turned her back she would never see him again, sure she would hear from him on the phone with the results but that would be the end of the story..

"come here" he pulled her against him, holding her tight as she leaned her head against his strong chest, his heart beating against her ear as he kissed the top of her head, closing his eyes.."im going to miss you Natalie, your husband is a lucky man, I hope he knows that" he said quietly and she couldn't say anything, tears were filling her eyes as she hugged him and then they were pulling apart, she didn't even look at him as she walked into the hotel cause if she would she would of noticed the tears in his eyes as well as he stood there..

**"Call Me"**

Wrap me in a bolt of lightning  
Send me on my way still smiling  
Maybe that's the way I should go,  
Straight into the mouth of the unknown  
I left the spare key on the table  
Never really thought I'd be able to say  
I merely visit on the weekends  
I lost my whole life and a dear friend

I've said it so many times  
I would change my ways  
No, nevermind  
God knows I've tried

[Chorus]  
Call me a sinner, call me a saint  
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same  
Call me your favorite, call me the worst  
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt  
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way

I finally put it all together,  
But nothing really lasts forever  
I had to make a choice that was not mine,  
I had to say goodbye for the last time  
I kept my whole life in suitcase,  
Never really stayed in one place  
Maybe that's the way it should be,  
You know I live my life like a gypsy

I've said it so many times  
I would change my ways  
No, nevermind  
God knows I've tried

[Chorus]  
Call me a sinner, call me a saint  
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same  
Call me your favorite, call me the worst  
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt  
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way

I'll always keep you inside, you healed my  
Heart and my life... And you know I try.

[Chorus]  
Call me a sinner, call me a saint  
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same  
Call me your favorite, call me the worst  
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt  
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way  
So, I'll be on my way  
So, I'll be on my way 


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Natalie made it back to Lanview without incident , back to her family, her husband and daughter but her heart was heavy with heart ache and guilt as well as anticipation as to what John would uncover about her father, it was nerve racking and she had to go about her normal routines with so many things in her head, it made it hard to concentrate on her life back in Lanview..

Seeing John again, spending time with him, it stirred so many old feelings in her, feelings that she hadn't felt in so long, feelings she thought she would never feel again, the guilt of not telling him about Bella damn near killed her but she couldn't bring herself to do it, the look on her face when she told him she was married was enough to haunt her, he would be upset, devastated to know he had a daughter and too much was on line here with her family, with Jr, with everyone..

"you've barely touched your dinner" Jr began as they sat across from one another at the large dinner table, she glanced up at him, lost in thought..

"I knew if you began chasing after ghosts this would happen" Jr said quickly as he stood up..."you should of just let it be, your mother left, even her own family knows that, just because some old senile woman who by the way you barely remember tells you different doesn't change things"

"you didn't see the look on her face Jr, she was visibly upset" Natalie began, she had told Jr everything, well almost everything, she left out the bits about John and about the DNA testing cause that would just open a can of worms, what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him, plus he barely knew about John anyway, she never talked about him to Jr, by the time her and Jr had gotten together it had been almost two years since John left, he had heard about the case she worked on, he knew of Mcbain but that was pretty much it, according to Jr her pregnancy was one caused by a one night stand with an apparent stranger, she played it off to him as if she had no idea who the father was, that she was going through a rough time after that horrific case, he bought it, never questioned it, end of story and her family kept quiet too cause they had their suspicions but no one said a thing, it was better to keep that skeleton in the closet..

"she was a drunk as well, you heard your aunt and uncle, she use to party with your mother, you cant believe a word she says, god Natalie why do you have to be so damn naive"

"just think for a second Jr, what if it is true, what if my dad is out there, and he knows something" she stood now as well and he glared at her..

"your mother knew just about as much about your father as you know about Bella's" he snapped and Natalie gasped as she looked at her husband, not believing his spiteful words..

"i cant believe you would go there" Natalie felt tears well up in her eyes as she looked at him..

"is it not true..huh... like mother like daughter" he stared at her and she spun around from him..

"You fucking bastard" she yelled as tears streamed down her face and he ran up to her, grabbing her arm hard, spinning her around..

"don't you ever fucking turn your back on me again" he yelled, the smell of alcohol overwhelming, he grabbed tighter, she couldn't believe this was happening, who was this man?

"Your hurting me" she gasped as she looked at him with tears..

"You see what you make me do, you see how mad your making me, is this what you want!"

"Jr please" she cried..

"You better drop this fucking Mommy complex thing you have going on, cause I am losing my patience with you" he pulled her against him and she was truly frightened, she had never seen Jr like this before, I mean they had their fair share of fights with yelling but this, this was a new side of him, he was hurting her.."i have gotten too far and done way too much for you to embarrass me or my family, you are my wife, now start acting like it" he let go of her arm roughly as she stood there, shocked with tears racing down her face..."you look like a fucking mess, go clean yourself up" he spun around, leaving her in the room alone, she looked down at her arm and the fresh hand print engraved in it as she ran crying up to her room..

Almost a week had passed since John had seen her and it was way too long as he now sat alone, depression kicking in, he never imagined he would feel this way after she left, he felt empty, alone, the thought hit him, he tried to ignore it cause it couldn't be true, it just couldn't be, he was in love with Natalie..

He worked and came home, settling back into his normal routine but this time it was so unfufilling, so lonely even if he had a random girl in his bed, he didn't want that either, he wanted her, he wanted Natalie.

He found himself researching her at night, looking at pictures of her and Jr, the thought made him angry, Jr was a piece of work, John was sure he was right in his fathers footsteps and Natalie had no idea who she was married to..

The chandlers had connections to the mob, and now that Buchanan Enterprise had merged with him it made him wonder how deep they were in on it cause a merger like this doesn't happen everyday, two huge rival corporations suddenly coming together after the death of one of the presidents, something wasn't right here and he knew it..

He began researching Clint and the Buchanan's, surprisingly enough Clint had connections as well that went back many years, some even in New York City, thankfully for him his brother was Police Commissioner always making sure to clean up for him..

John thought back to Bo and the day he told him to leave Lanview, he didn't like the Buchanan's and the more he read about them the more he realized that they too were hiding things, skeletons in their closets, he felt obsessed with keeping Natalie safe now, her family was knee deep in some serious shit, her husband as well, it made him worry as he read more and more stuff online, he stopped when he came up to a recent article..

**BCE is holding its fifth annual charity fundraiser this coming Saturday night, black tie event, the money raised goes to help the fallen officers of the lanview PD.**

John stared at the announcement, then he glared at the smug picture of Adam Chandler Jr holding that same little girl, he read the name..

"Bella" he said out loud as he looked at the picture, Natalie made a beautiful little girl, he felt jealousy engross his body as he looked at the picture of this guy, Natalie's husband and their daughter, he couldn't help but wonder if she was happy, truly happy, something told him no, the way she looked at him in New York City, the way she smiled made him think that she hadn't smiled like that in awhile and that irked him, he had to see for himself that she was indeed happy cause seeing her again after all these years, having her walk into that bar that he just happened to be in, for them to cross paths it had to mean something and he wasn't big on the whole idea of fate but seeing her again had to be more than a coincidence, he closed his laptop quickly, he had a road trip ahead of him..

Natalie stared at the ceiling in bed as Jr rolled off of her, panting as he tried to get his bearings back after their sexual encounter, she felt numb, her arm now a visible bruise on it, he leaned over placing a kiss on her cheek and she fought the urge to shudder, she felt sick to her stomach, disgusted by him..

He sat up in bed some.."so I hope you got that new dress, the charity ball is this weekend" he went on as if everything was fine and she stayed stiff..

"Yeah, I have it" she said quietly as he reached into his night stand grabbing out a small metal container, she knew what was inside it, she sighed as he looked at her..

"what?" he said sarcastically as he opened it and began to put the white powder on the night stand..

"Nothing, I just wish you wouldn't do that here" she said quietly as she watched her husband draw a line of coke on the table, he had been doing it for a couple years now, sporadically though but lately it was more and more which was contributing to his behavior as well as the alcohol..

"You know I work my ass off all day long and your gonna bitch cause I wanna have a little fun for myself" he snapped, always the same answer, she sighed and rolled on her side.."maybe you should have some, you wont be such a bitch" he laughed some..

"no thanks" she huffed..

"fine suit yourself" he finished as she listened to him snort it up his nose..

The next day Natalie sat in her large living room with her aunt Vicki as Bella played outside, within her sight, she sighed heavily as her and Vicki shared some hot tea..

"whats on your mind sweetie" Vicki said in her motherly way that always seem to make Natalie feel at ease but today was different cause today she was beginning to see her life for what it was, she was miserable, she had been miserable she just hadn't noticed it cause she was use to it, it wasn't until she saw John again, and she felt happiness that she knew what she was missing..

"Just things, im fine" she lied as Vicki looked at her sympathetically.

"I know your upset about what Rita said sweetheart but believe me when I tell you that that woman is nothing but an alcoholic liar"

"Thats what everyone keeps on saying to me but you weren't there, she was visibly shakened, and she talked about my father" Natalie watched Bella as she spoke, wondering if things had turned out differently if she would be sitting in a house with John, both of them watching their daughter and having a good time..

Vicki shifted uncomfortably in her seat but Natalie was too focused on Bella to notice.." Your father was a random one night stand Natalie, I know you hate to hear it but your mother wasn't some saint"

"i know she wasn't a saint aunt Vicki" Natalie sighed as she looked at her aunt now..

"she didn't know who your father was and its best that way cause im sure he was nothing but some local drunk, sometimes its better not knowing"

"like with Bella" Natalie spit out, surprising herself and Vicki as well..

"why would you say that Natalie" Vicki stiffened..."Jr is a wonderful father and husband"

"We both know he isn't Bella's father " Natalie said quickly, she was tired of the games..

Vicki looked around nervously as if she was scared Jr was going to walk in at any moment and hear them talking...

"he's at work" Natalie stated the obvious...

"why are you doing this Natalie" Vicki lowered her voice some... "Jr is just as much a father to Bella, he loves her"

"yeah well maybe John would of loved her too" she snapped as she got up and headed to the door to get a closer look at Bella..

"we both know this happened for the best" Vicki now stood as well.."he was out of control, a drunk with no responsibility" Vicki seemed to be getting mad and now Natalie was as well as she turned and faced her aunt..

"I never even told him he had a daughter" she stated with guilt racing through her..

"He wouldn't of cared, he left remember,...he took off, your one night was just that, one night" Vicki said loudly.."I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell, im just so worried about you, I know you cared about him Natalie but he is in the past now, your present and future is with Jr, he loves you, he loves Bella, don't dwell in the past, it will only bring you pain" she hugged Natalie as she stood there stiff, there was no talking to her, she was on Team Jr as well, everyone in this damn town was!

John made his way into Lanview, he was nervous being there, not really wanting to be seen by anyone, he went to one place he remembered, a small motel on the edge of town, the angel square motel, he got himself a room for the night and headed inside, placing a bag on the floor..

He never did think he would step back into this god awful town but here he was wanting to see her again, even if he knew seeing her happy would cause him more pain then he could take at the moment but he should be happy for her if that was the case cause she deserved to be happy, after everything she had been through in her life she deserved happiness..

Natalie sat in the backyard with Gigi now, she was getting so big, her belly protruding, she was Natalie's only real friend in this town now, the only one she could trust besides Rex but somethings she felt uncomfortable talking to Rex about and this was one of them..

Gigi's eyes got wide as she listened to Natalie tell her about the trip to New York, and running into John, and them spending time together, she left out the details of Jr and her now covered arm, she was glad for the fall weather cause it made it easier to hide the bruises, she didn't tell Gigi because of fear that she wouldn't believe her or she would take Jr's side cause Natalie knew that would never be the case, she didn't tell her cause her best friend was almost 8 months pregnant and didn't need anymore stress on her..

"holy shit Nat" Gigi said with shock as she lowered her voice from a playing Bella who played on the wooden playground in the backyard.."you guys didn't do anything did you?"

"No, no it wasn't like that, it was just, well...nice" Natalie smiled some as she thought about how it felt to be around him again..

"I'm not the biggest fan of Jr Nat, but you remember your married and you have Bella..oh my god Nat, did you tell him?"

"No" Natalie whispered as Bella ran around.."i wanted to"

"I don't think that's a good idea"

"But your the one who said I should of told him years ago, before he left"

"yeah exactly, before he left, but you didn't and he took off... Nat its been 7 yrs, don't get me wrong I don't hate him for leaving you to deal with the pregnancy on your own cause he didnt know about it but he just left without a care in the world, baby or no baby that just messed up"

"things were complicated then" Natalie tried to make excuses cause it was easier then believing Gigi, cause in all reality he did just leave her, he didn't stay, and that hurt cause a huge part of her back then thought he felt something for her, apparently he had not but seeing him again, there was something in his eyes, something in the way he spoke to her that told her that things were left unfinished between them..

"did you ask him why he left?"

"No, we just didn't talk about it, but Gigi when he looked at me" Natalie sighed deep.."when he looked at me I felt it all over again"

"I don't know Nat, have you heard from him again?"

"No... he will call when he gets the results of the DNA" she didn't have to tell Gigi not to tell anyone of this private conversation, that was already understood without saying it..

"but if he felt something for you, if there was a connection there then why wouldn't he call, or email, or anything" gigi said with compassion for Natalie, she could tell Natalie was yet again in over her head with John McBain..

"cause he knows im married" Natalie looked at the ring on her finger..

"that didn't seem to matter when you two were spending time in New York"

"why are you putting such a negative spin on this Gi" Natalie huffed loud..

"cause I don't want to see you hurt again Nat, it devastated you when he left, I know, I was there and now you run into him and it stirs up all kinds of old feelings, I just don't want to see you hurt, that's all"

"Like you said Gi, im married, I moved on.. I saw him and yes it was nice, yes I felt something but its done with OK, in the past" Natalie sighed as she spoke..

"wow your falling for him all over again"

"No...no im not, it was just nice... it felt nice to be around him"

"You don't feel that way with Jr?"

"its just different with him, that's all" Natalie pushed back the thoughts from the night before and looked straight ahead..

"what are you going to do if you see him again?" Gigi asked with curiosity..

"i wont" Natalie said quickly... "can we talk about something else please, like you...how is my little nephew doing in there"

"fine I will let you change the subject for now but we are definitely not done with this conversation..the little guy is doing great, Rex is being overprotective though, kind of annoying"

"i think its sweet, he is really excited to be a dad" Natalie smiled as she thought of Rex, he really would make a great dad and he loved Gigi so much..

"I think too excited, the other night I made a comment about wanting ice cream and the loon ran to the store at midnight and brought some home for me" gigi laughed..

"awwww see, he just loves you Gigi" Natalie smiled, she wished that she could be as happy as them..

"yeah I guess" Gigi smiled some...

Later on that day after Gigi had left Natalie made a last minute run to the store, leaving Bella with Mandy the Nanny, she didn't want to bother Rosa to go to the store and she just needed a few items so she hopped in her car and made her way to the local grocery store in town...

John sat in the room, his stomach grumbling as he looked around and noticed the small microwave off in the corner of the room, he had thought about heading to Rodi's but it would be too risky, someone could notice him, so he decided to head to the one place he never went to when he was living in Lanview, a place were he could grab something to cook, the supermarket..

Natalie made her way through the store, she missed times like these, times when she could just pretend to be normal, pretend to have a normal life again, she filled up her shopping cart with some snacks for Bella and some for herself as well and a 12 pack of beer which she desperately needed..

She was so lost in thought that when her shopping cart banged into another one it caught her off guard..

"sorry" she said as she looked up and locked eyes with a very shocked looking John Mcbain..


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

John was lost in thought as he walked through the small supermarket, he hadn't been in one of these in years, even back in New York he would stop at one of the local pubs and pick up something to eat, his fridge basically contained water and beer..

He looked around wondering what he could pop in the microwave, something quick and easy, something to go along with the beer he had in the shopping cart, he stared up at the tall shelves, knocked out of his thoughts by a clank as his shopping cart got hit..

"sorry" he heard that voice, the voice that had been in his head ever since he saw her in New york and he froze as he stared into those bright blue eyes.."John?"

"Natalie" he said with shock, he was so busted, why the heck was she at the store, didn't she have people who did that for her now?

"what the... what are you doing here?" she asked with confusion and shock even though seeing him again made her heart race in that good way, the kind that made her body tingle at the very sight of him, but he was in Lanview, why, then it hit her, he had news, maybe he came there to deliver bad news to her personally..."did you hear something bad?"

"Bad?" he was confused for a second as he looked at her and then he realized what she was asking, now he felt even more stupid for running into her.."No...nothing bad"

"No? Then what?" she asked again as she looked at him..

"im on business" he lied, he was beginning to sweat now, he never really thought he would run into her, see her, yes but not with her knowing, now this, this he hadn't planned..

"In Lanview" she was shocked to hear him say that but excited at the same time for a second that is till she thought of her life here, the life she didn't want him to know about, she began to panic..

"No... just passing through" he continued with the lies and she cocked her head at him now.."I was hungry and well this is the supermarket"

"You came to Lanview to use our supermarket" she couldn't help but grin as she looked at him, was he following her around, the idea made her smile as much as it scared the hell out of her cause if he was indeed looking for her, she wondered what else he would find out..

"something like that" he ran a nervous hand through his hair, she looked wonderful.."OK well I will let you get back to your shopping" he looked into her cart noticing the snacks and beers, he didn't say anything as he began to walk away , feeling like a complete ass, she began walking too feeling confused as hell.."wait...Natalie" he called out and she immediately stopped and turned to face him, he was walking over to her and fast.."I know I shouldn't be saying this... I shouldn't even be here" he stared at her..."i wanted to see you" her heart literally leapt out of her chest at his confession, she didn't know what to say.."I cant stop thinking about you" he rasped as he put it out there and she swallowed hard as she looked around then back at him..

"me either" he was dying to hear her say those words, so much so that he almost grabbed her right then and there and kissed her, he thought better of it when he saw her nervous couldn't believe she said it, she put herself out there right along with him and damn it, it felt good..

"can we talk somewhere else, somewhere more private" he kept his distance now as she looked around nervously..

"where?" she was damn near breathless now from seeing him and the fear of someone watching her and reporting back to Jr..

"the docks" was the first thing he thought of..

"OK, give me ten minutes" she walked away with her heart pounding in her chest heavily, she couldn't believe she just agreed to meet with him in private at the docks no less, she quickly went to the register and paid for her things..

John waited to watch her leave the store before he headed to the register, his blood was pumping, his hands shaking as he paid for the few items and then took off for the docks..

Natalie stood outside by the docks, her heart racing, why was she even doing this, she should just leave and a sudden flood of guilt washed over her , she had to go, she spun around and there he was, standing there..

John immediately saw the look in her eye, she looked terrified, he felt the same way as he stood there for a second then moved closer..

"why are we here, why are you here" she said softly as she looked at him, his eyes held so much emotion..

"I think we both know why were here" he touched her face as he took a deep breath.."ever since I saw you again, I just cant help but think about what could of been" she fought to keep her eyes open against his touch, she couldn't speak.."leaving lanview was the worst mistake I ever made and seeing you again, it brought everything back Natalie, I know I was never much for words back then and when I did talk, well we both know how that went" he smiled some as he touched her hair, brushing it behind her ear..

"I'm married now John" she barely got it out as she looked at him..

"I know, I shouldn't of even came here but time...time goes by so fast and I would of never forgave myself I didn't come here and see you, and say to you what I should of said 7 years ago when I left"

"John, you don't" her heart was racing so hard right now, she could barely breath..

"Please Natalie let me finish" he ran his finger over her lips and her body shook.."i have been so stupid, ive made so many mistakes, I never thought I deserved to be happy after everything that happened with Caitlin" he took a deep breath as he moved his hand from her lips to her hand, and he held it.."ive been miserable for so long, never staying in one place for long, hell Natalie I haven't even had a relationship, like a real relationship since Caitlin"

"i don't know what to say" she whispered...

"I'm not done yet" he squeezed her hand..."seeing you again, spending time with you, Natalie it was the first time I hadn't felt empty in so long, since I left lanview, since I walked away from you"

Her eyes welled up as she looked at him, he was saying everything she always wanted to hear, just 7 years too late..

"I cant do this John" she pulled away from him and turned her back, the tears now apparent in her eyes, she felt his hand on her shoulder..

"i know you feel it too, I can see it" his hand ran down her arm, rubbing against her bruise and she hissed as she pulled back from him and he looked at her confused.."whats wrong with your arm" he noticed the pain she was in when he touched her arm, it concerned him..

"its nothing, OK" she walked from him and he followed, now more concerned then ever, he walked up to her again, this time he grabbed her arm lightly and she winced in pain and he quickly pushed her sleeve up her arm without giving her a chance to stop him, he had to see for himself what he was already boiling up with anger about..

His eyes got wide as he saw a visible hand mark on her soft skin, it was purple and green now, she pulled her sleeve down..

"did he do this to you?" he asked with shock as she walked away from him.."Natalie did he put his hands on you" he was getting angry now and she was panicking, she wanted to leave right now, she quickly went to her car, he grabbed her other arm, swinging her around to face him, he saw the look in her eyes, it didn't hide anything, he felt his anger rise.."I'll kill him, I'm gonna fucking kill him!"

"John No...stop OK, it was a misunderstanding, OK...just stop"she said with tears as he looked at her with confusion..

"it doesn't look like a misunderstanding, he hurt you, Natalie you cant let him get away with that, he has to pay for putting his hands on you" he was beyond livid...

"it was an accident OK, he is stressed with work, just drop it John" she attempted to open her car door and he stopped her..

"what about your daughter, your gonna let Bella watch him push you around and hurt you" his words caught her off guard as she looked at him with shock.."i know about your daughter Natalie, I know about Jr too"

"have you been researching my family" she was feeling the walls caving in, she was scared of the consequences...

"why wouldn't you tell me you had a daughter" he asked a bit loud as he looked at her..

"cause it was none of your business, just like my marriage is none of your business" she was yelling now, it confused him..

"Why are you yelling at me... so I looked into your marriage and stumbled across a few things, this guy is an asshole" he began and she shook her head..

"you know nothing about him, nothing!" she yelled..

"I know he hurt you, I know about his family, you don't have to be scared of him, I can protect you, I can protect Bella" he began and she laughed sarcastically as she cried...

"what are you, my savior.. just stop it John, im not scared of him, im not" and she wasn't scared of Jr, she was terrified, she knew him, she knew his family, she knew of his connections, if he ever found out about this he would take Bella away from her and she would never see her again, she knew that and the way he was behaving these days he could be capable of doing worse, she couldn't take her chance with that..

"well if your not going to do anything about it then I am" he yelled, he was done with these games, he would see Jr himself and set things straight..

"No... no please don't" she pleaded with him, tears in her eyes..

"Natalie" he touched her face, wiping her flowing tears.."he hurt you, he put his hands on you, I cant stand by and watch this"

"Then don't stand by John OK,...i ...i love him OK,..he is my husband, I would deny it … you cant do this, I want you to go away john, I want you to go away and never come back" she cried hysterically as he looked at her with tears now in his eyes..

"Natalie you don't mean that, I know you don't" he couldn't believe what she was saying, he wouldn't believe it, Jr had her terrified, she knew what he was capable of and it frightened her, he could see that.."Please don't push me away" he said softer now as he lightly touched her arm and she looked at him..

"You cant just come back into my life after 7 years John, you cant just come back and expect me to drop everything and be with you, I have a family now, I have a husband, a daughter" she said with tears..

"He hurts you" he said low.."he left marks on you"

"You left marks on me too John, you left bruises on my wrists, bite mark on my neck" she began and he shook his head..

"Those were out of passion not violence" he said defensively as he looked at her.."Your gonna tell me this is a mark of passion" he pushed up her sleeve, revealing the bruise again..

"yes" she said low as she pulled her arm back, he didn't believe her but what could he do, she was adamant about him not saying anything, he didn't want to hurt her anymore..

"OK...fine" he ran a hand through his hair..."i will let this one slide for you, only for you but I swear to god Natalie if I see anymore marks on you"

She stopped him.."your not going to see anything else cause your going to go, your going to leave Lanview"

"You really want me to leave, do you? Then prove it" he grabbed her around her waist, pressing his lips against hers, pushing his tongue into her mouth in a hungry kiss that she immediately gave into, forgetting everything, forgetting her life, her problems, her lies, right now all she could do was think about his mouth on hers, his hands on her, it truly felt like time had stopped..

They slowly pulled back and looked at one another breathless..."now tell me you didn't feel anything" he said with a heavy breath as his entire body vibrated with the sensation of touching her, kissing her...

She turned from him, her body on fire, she couldn't move, she couldn't speak..

"You cant Natalie" she felt him press up against her back, his breath in her ear.."You cant cause you need me as much as I need you, I still remember what you taste like, what you feel like, after all these years, I still see you in my head" he rasped in her ear and she closed her eyes..."we have something Natalie, something neither of us had ever felt, and it scares the shit out of me"

She turned to face him, her breathing uneven..."it scares me too" it was the first time she had been honest with him,with herself, he touched her face softly..

"Then let me help you, let me be there for you, let me love you" he kissed her again, this time slower, savoring her taste as his hands went to her hair and he let his body lose control as their tongues made love, they slowly pulled back again, her phone began to ring, she jumped as she looked at it, it was Jr..

"I have to go" she said quickly as she spun from him...

"I'm not going anywhere Natalie" he said as she jumped in her car and sped off for home, her body shakened and torn, she drove back to her waiting family..

Natalie drove quickly home, her phone going off a few more times, then text messages, she drove erratically as she pulled into her driveway, Jr making his way outside, looking pissed as he came up to the car..

"where the hell have you been" he yelled as she jumped out of the car, her heart still racing..

"I went to the store" she began as she grabbed bags and he knocked them out of her hand, groceries falling on the ground..

"Why didn't you answer my calls, and why the hell are you shopping, thats what Rosa is for" he yelled..

"I didn't bring my phone in with me" she lied as she knelt down to pick up the groceries and he grabbed her arm, the bruised one, yanking her up as she winced and Bella came running outside..

"Mommy..mommy" she said with excitement as Jr let go of her arm quick.."Yummy snacks, see daddy...see..."

"I see that sweetie" Jr said to Bella as he glared at Natalie and Bella grabbed a bag..

"I help" she said as she tugged on the bag and Jr picked one up, his eyes on Natalie, she knew that look, they would finish this later..

"your such a good helper Bella" Natalie brought her attention to her daughter.."did you have fun with Rosa"

"Uh huh... can we make cookies...can we" Bella jumped up and down..

"we will see" Natalie looked to Jr then Bella...

"yeah lets make some cookies" Jr said quickly as Bella's eyes lit up..

"all of us, daddy you gonna help" Bella got to the door and opened it as they all began to walk inside..

"thats why daddy got home early" he stared at Natalie.."so I could spend time with my favorite girls" his stare wasn't one of care, Natalie looked away and headed inside towards the kitchen.."why don't you go get in your pj's baby girl and then we make cookies" Jr said to Bella as she took off running, and he followed Natalie into the kitchen.."im sorry"

Natalie continued to put stuff away, he came up behind her, she stiffened her body.."I said im sorry OK" he said lower this time as he wrapped his arms around her body and she wanted nothing more then to run away.."I wanted to surprise you by coming home early but then I got here and you weren't home, I was worried, im sorry I lashed out, it wont happen again"

"OK" Natalie said low but she didn't believe him at all, she wanted to but she couldn't.

The next day things seemed to calm down a bit, Jr was being a bit nicer and apologetic, but that didn't change a damn thing, not with her marriage or even with John cause he was on her mind all day, the words he said, the way he kissed her, she almost told him on the docks, she almost just spit it out that he was Bella's father, she couldn't bring herself to do it, too much was at stake, she would have to stay away from him, far away, she couldn't risk losing everything, Bella was her world..

Natalie decided to spend the day at the park with Bella, it had been awhile since they had gone and the weather was perfect for it plus Natalie really needed some time out of that house, she needed something to keep her mind off of John..

She sat on one of the benches as Bella ran around and played with the other kids, she loved seeing her baby have such a good time, she let her thoughts drift a bit to John, to his sweet spoken words at the dock but she was quickly snapped out of them..

"she really is a beautiful little girl, just like her mom" she heard his voice and she turned her head and there he was, John,...again..

John had become restless after seeing Natalie, he was more determined then ever to win her back, the look she gave him, the way her eyes told the truth, he would be an asshole not to fight for her, to fight for them cause what they had was rare and special, he found himself walking through the park, needing time to think and breath in the fresh air, he wasn't expecting to see her but there she was sitting on the bench, he followed her eyes and saw Bella, he smiled as he walked over..

"what are you doing John" she said with shock as she looked at him.."you cant keep on doing this" she looked around hoping no one noticed him, he moved closer to her..

"Its a free country, and I felt like taking a walk" he smiled and she shook her head, quickly standing up and facing him..

"I'm at the park with Bella" her voice cracked.."someone could see you" she was paranoid now..

"i give it to Jr, he may be an asshole but he makes one hell of a kid, but personally I say she takes after her mom" he looked at Bella.."how old is she?"

"This is not the time or place John...please, just go" she looked around frantically as Bella came running over and John crouched down to her level as Bella looked at him with curiosity, Natalie was frozen with fear.."Bella come on baby, we have to go"

"Hey sweetie, are you having fun" John asked and Natalie wanted to kill him..

"Uh huh,...who are you" Bella asked quickly and John looked to Natalie then back at Bella..

"Just a friend... thats a pretty dress you got on" he took In the detail of her daughter, she really was the spitting image of her mom, Natalie grabbed her hand quick..

"But mommy we just got here I wanna stay" Bella began to whine some as she yanked her hand back and John grinned, Natalie was sweating bullets now..

"But mommy has stuff to do at home, OK" Natalie tried to grab her hand again and she refused..

"do you like ice cream" John asked Bella and her eyes lit up big...

"Yes" she was jumping now with anticipation and he smiled...

"No ice cream, we have to go" Natalie began again and John looked at her.."Your making a scene" she whispered at John..

"actually you are" he grinned..."how about we get some ice cream" he looked in the direction of the small ice cream cart, Bella looked to Natalie..

"Pwease mommy...pwease" she jumped up and down..

"Fine... and then when your done we have to go" Natalie said quickly, feeling defeated...

"eeeeeeeeeeee" Bella squealed and ran towards the cart, John and Natalie in tow..

"You really need to lighten up Natalie, she is just a kid" John began..."How old is she"

"Old enough to know how to take advantage" Natalie huffed loud as they ordered ice cream..

They sat down and ate ice cream, Bella had the majority of it on her new dress as she played and Natalie was beside herself, john was asking too many questions..

John watched Bella play, Natalie was being even more nervous then normal and they weren't even attracting attention, John found it odd..

"I told you I wasn't going to stay away" he smiled at her and she gulped..

"You should of" she stared at Bella

"You cant hide what you feel Natalie, meet me tonight" he asked and she was shocked..

"are you out of your mind, no...i cant" she spit out quickly and he smirked..

"Yes you can, Jr is gonna be held up in meeting all day, probably late into the night, especially with the charity thing tomorrow, are you going?" she was shocked by his words as she looked at him with wide eyes..

"You are unbelievable John..." she shook her head even though her heart was racing with the possibilities of spending alone time with him..

John stood up and smiled..."i will be at the docks at 8" he spun around as Bella came running over quickly...

"You going?" she called out and Natalie really thought she would puke as John stopped and looked at Bella..

"Yeah sweetie I have to go, did you enjoy the ice cream"

"Uh huh... can we have more " Bella smiled as Natalie stood up quickly and grabbed her hand..

"Bella thats enough...we have to go" Natalie began walking away with Bella in tow..

"But mommy, I like him" Bella whined and Natalie quickly got her into the car as John stood there his mind racing because of Natalie's behavior, it was odd, too odd... 


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty One

As Natalie got home with Bella she got a phone call from Jr, just like John said he was gonna be late, he had meetings cause of the charity ball, it made Natalie's stomach twist, John was checking up on her, behind her back and he was interacting with Bella, this wasn't good, she felt anxiety race through her body, why couldn't he just drop it, why couldn't he just leave it be, then she thought of all he said that day at the docks and she couldn't help but smile, but he was late, too late, she already had a life planned out, her and Bella both did and she couldn't let him interfere...

Natalie sat back with a beer once she got Bella to bed, she glanced at the clock, 8:30, she took another sip, there was no way she was going to meet up with him, no way, she drank back more of her beer, a sound coming from the back yard got her attention as she looked in that direction, then she heard it again and she got up, walking slowly through the kitchen as she looked out into the backyard, it was dark..

She cracked open the screen door, it was quiet out there, she began to laugh, damn it she was losing her mind, she turned from the door and jumped, a yelp leaving her throat as she was grabbed from behind..

"shhhhh... its me" she heard his voice and spun around, her heart racing as she looked at him and that smug look on his face..

"what the hell are you doing, are you trying to give me a heart attack" she said loud..

John grinned.."i waited for you at the docks"

"I don't care you just cant show up here" she lowered her voice as she stepped outside, closing the door some, she couldn't believe he was there, she was angry yet touched..

"your alone" he smirked, he had a feeling she wasn't going to show up at the dock and he had to see her at whatever cost..

"and your sneaking through my yard, what if someone would of saw you... you gotta stop this john" she huffed and he touched her face, her body immediately reacted.."stop that" she said but she didn't try to remove his hand..

"God your so beautiful" he looked at her in the moonlight, she felt dizzy as her heart raced, she backed up..

"stop... I mean it, John you shouldn't be here" she said with panic and a flood of other emotions racing through her..

"I cant help myself, I need you" he stepped closer and she backed up till her back hit the door.."its driving me crazy"

"crazy is right... your insane" she began and he brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear...

"why are you fighting this, you tell me one thing but your eyes are saying another" he brushed her lips with his thumb..

"cause I am married" he hated those words coming from her mouth..

"your not happy" he stared at her..

"that doesn't matter" she said with a heavy breath, she wanted to run inside and just get away from him, get away from him before everything got ruined..

"Like hell it doesn't" his mouth attacked hers in a passionate kiss, ever since he kissed her on the dock that day thats all he wanted, kissing her made his entire body buzz, he felt alive..

He pressed himself harder into her, she immediately felt his arousal pressing against her stomach, she felt herself get wetter as he deepened the kiss, his hand sliding between them, resting between her legs where he cupped her, he felt how hot she was, his body reacted as his cock jumped against his restraining jeans, he growled in her mouth, playfully biting her lip as he pulled back, she could of came just by the look in his eyes, she knew hers had to be matching his..

"how can you deny yourself this, I know he doesn't make you feel this way" he began kissing her neck, his cock already moist with precum as he ground himself against her and a small moan left her mouth, she was lost in the moment, forgetting everything around her but she heard a loud bang, it was the front door, she jumped back, her eyes wide..

"go... john just go" she said with a panicked whispered voice as she quickly went back into the kitchen only to find Jr walking in there.."hey" she said quickly, her heart still racing, he looked at her confused..

"what are you doing?" he could see the flush on her skin, she walked up to him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.."whats gotten into you, why are you shaking?"

"I...i thought I heard something outside, I got scared" she began and his eyes got wide..

"what?" he seemed annoyed he began to walk past her and she panicked, she grabbed him through his pants, he stopped, looking shocked..

"Its nothing, I checked, just a cat..." she bit her lip as she looked at him seductively, it worked cause he brought his attention back to her..

"Your a bit feisty today" he grabbed her hand and held it on his now growing cock.."I like it"

"well why don't you wait upstairs for me and I can show you just how feisty I am" she said seductively even though inside her she wanted to throw up..

"Now thats what I am talking about" Jr grinned as he took off upstairs and Natalie ran to the back door, opening it quick..

She looked into the night for John, but it wasn't long before he grabbed her arm, pulling her against him on the side of the house, taking her breath away with a passionate kiss, she fell into it for a second then remembered Jr upstairs waiting for her, she pulled back..

"I cant" she said breathlessly.."he is waiting upstairs, I have to go"

John had seen what happened in that kitchen, he knew what was going to happen upstairs, it didn't settle with him...

"You don't have to be with him" he touched her face softly..."run away with me, you and Bella" his words caught him off guard, her as well..

"John I cant..." she turned from him, she wanted to cry..

"I cant stand this...being without you for another second" he touched her shoulder and she closed her eyes in response for a second.." we could be a family"

"He would never allow that OK john...never, and I cant lose" her words got caught in her throat as she looked at him.."I cant lose Bella" she headed inside without another word and John stood there for a few more seconds then took off for the motel..

He was angry by the time he got to the motel, at Jr, at himself, he had wasted so much time, he had fucked it all up and Jr was now laying smugly in bed with a wonderful woman, a woman he took for granted, a woman he treated like shit and Natalie put up with it, for her daughters sake, it upset John, time was precious and the longer she spent with that asshole the worse it was, he was gonna take Jr down, he had to, he was going to have to get Jr out of the picture one way or another..

Natalie felt like a disgusting whore as Jr rolled off of her, she couldn't even enjoy sex with him now, even just laying there with him in that bed made her feel like she was cheating on John, she was disgusted with herself, for what she had become..

"tomorrow is a very important day Natalie, I need you to be on your best behavior" he began and she felt like he talked to her like she was a child, she nodded her head, this was going to be a never ending nightmare, this is what she got for not telling John the truth about Bella, it killed her..

John found himself researching Jr all night, there had to be something, anything he could find, he was sure Jr was like his late father which meant that he would be fucking up, getting sloppy, he searched further, he stopped when he came across another picture online, this one caught his attention, it was a newspaper article..

**Today we would like to announce the engagement of Natalie Buchanan and Adam Chandler Jr, party to be held at the Lanfair Country Club..**

He glanced down at the date, it was a little over 6 years ago, then he looked at the picture of Natalie and Jr, he was holding a red haired baby, John smiled it was Bella, even then she was a gorgeous baby.. He looked at the picture again, his mind confused cause Bella was big, had to be over a year but Natalie had said they were only married for 5 years and she already had had Bella by the time of the engagement, he leaned back in his chair, trying to rack his mind, something was off..

John began searching for a birth announcement, cause there would definitely be one of those, especially with a Buchanan Chandler baby on the way but he found nothing, his mind began racing, John began searching birth certificates, he stopped when he saw it, it was Bella's, he read further..

**Mother Natalie Buchanan**

Father Adam Chandler Jr

Born on Dec 1st 2003

His eyes grew wide, he checked the date it was signed, 2004..

"what the fuck?" he said out loud..now why would it be signed over a year later, he looked at the dates again, this time his eyes grew wide as he sucked in a deep breath, Bella was born in 2003, that was 7 years ago, that was right after John had left, his breathing got uneven, he thought back to Natalie's behavior, the realization hit him like a Mac Truck, he looked at his clock, it was 7 am already, he closed his laptop, he had questions that needed to be answered and the only one who could do that was Natalie..

Natalie rushed around In the morning as she got ready for the charity event, she had a list of things she had to get done including hair and nails, she didn't want to do any of it but she was going to.. Jr had already left for work, he would be meeting her there, that meant she had to get not only her ready but Bella ready to spend the night with Gigi and Rex..

Her mind was still on John, she heard a knock and jumped slightly, the knock on the door got louder, more persistent, which was odd..

"I'm coming..im coming" she called out as Rosa was no where in sight, the banging continued till she opened the door and came face to face with a very stricken looking John.."Are you out of your mind" she said with shock, he was playing with fire here, she was speechless..

Johns heart was racing as he looked at her, he gulped and pushed his way inside, he didn't care..

"Hey! John you cant do this" Natalie said with shock as John walked in, he had a crazy look in his eye, he spun around..

"is she mine" his words caught her off guard, his crazy behavior was scaring her..

"what? Are you OK" she began not fully understanding what he was asking..

"i just want a yes or a no, is Bella mine, is she my daughter" he raised his voice some and her eyes grew wide, her mouth opened but no words came out, he felt his heart race more as he looked at her, she didn't need to answer, he could see it in her face.."I have a daughter... Natalie I have a daughter" he yelled..

Before Natalie could answer Bella came running in the room making both of them turn..

"Mommy, mommy" Bella called out then stopped as she looked at John..."Its the ice cream man" she said with excitement as John looked at her then up at a shocked Natalie, she had tears in her eyes..

John looked to Natalie.."we need to talk, right now"

"Mommy, why are you crying?" Bella asked, her little face full of concern, Natalie wiped her eyes quick as John stepped back, he watched Natalie with Bella, he felt like he was going to have a panic attack, he literally couldn't breath..

"Oh mommy is not crying baby, I had something in my eye, I have to talk to the ...to the ice cream man for a second can you be a big girl and pick out some clothes to bring to Gigi's" Natalie tried to remain calm in front of her daughter but she was falling apart at the seams, he knew, John knew about Bella..

"Ohhhh are we getting Ice cream" Bella's eyes got wide.."I want chocolate"

"In a little bit baby, just go pick out those clothes, OK" Natalie's voice shook as John began to pace, he needed to sit down...

"Yay, ice cream...ice cream" Bella yelled out as she began dancing out of the room, Natalie couldn't bear to face John..

"I need a drink" John looked quickly and headed into what looked like a library or a study..

"John you cant" Natalie began and he turned and faced her, his face hard..

"Just watch me" he said quickly as he grabbed a bottle of what looked like scotch and he took a healthy gulp out of it as she stood there and quickly closed the door behind them, John looked to her again..."why didn't you tell me Natalie" he was more hurt about that then anything, the idea that she knew he had a child and she didn't tell him, he didn't know what to think, she couldn't answer, he walked up to her.."why didn't you tell me I had a daughter!" he yelled at her and she shook as tears ran down her face, nothing could of prepared her for this..

"I...I...I tried" she began to cry, her world was crashing down, he looked completely devastated, his eyes had tears in them now...

"when did you know,...when" his voice shook as he spoke.."WHEN damn it!"

"before you left...i was going to tell you but you said you were going" she was hysterical now..

"and you didn't think that maybe it would have been a conversation I would of like to have!" he yelled as he thought about the day he left, he was angry..

"You were leaving!" she yelled with tears..

"I would of stayed!" he yelled back as he began to pace..

"I didn't know that, I was scared, I had just found out" she cried

"and over the years it just never hit you to think to call me, to tell me, 7 years Natalie, 7 fucking years" he yelled in frustration..

"You just left damn it, I thought you didn't care" she covered her face, he paced some more..

"so that son of a bitch has been raising my daughter, my daughter!" the reality of all of this was hitting him hard now..

"I wanted to tell you" she kept her face covered, he ran up to her and yanked her hands from her face..

"look at me damn it" he yelled.."when were you going to tell me, when!" she couldn't answer that, she just looked at him, his heart sank further.."You weren't going to, you were never planning on telling me" the emotion in his face made her cry harder as he backed up from her, this was a nightmare..

"Its complicated" she cried.."please John you have to understand that"

"No...no I don't understand it, cause you had the perfect opportunity to tell me in New York" he paced the room..

"i was going to" she looked at him with her face covered in tears.."I'm sorry"

"Your sorry? YOUR SORRY?" he couldn't help but laugh sarcastically as he looked at her.."who else knows, does your family know" she just looked at him.."oh thats just fucking wonderful, what did everyone come up with this idea to just hide it from me!"

"you were gone,...you left me and I didn't know what to do, we had one night, that was all" his eyes grew wide at her words..

"it was all just one night to you" he shook his head, he would of never even left if it wasn't for Bo, he wouldn't of left if he knew about her pregnancy..

"Oh just stop it OK, thats what you made it seem like" she was getting mad now cause he was the one who just took off on her, he made it seem like what they had was nothing..

"I left cause I was trying to help you, protect you, I...i ….loved you" he yelled as he spun around, his back facing her.."I had a right to know I had a daughter or was I not good enough" the idea hit him, it made him angrier..

"No...no it wasn't like that at all" she said quickly and he looked at her again..

"Kind of looks that way to me, look at your house, your car, your fucking husband, why be stuck with fuck up mcbain when you could have all of this" he knocked stuff off the table and she jumped..

"You know thats not true" she wiped her face..

"I don't know what to believe anymore" he wiped his own face as he looked at her and walked to the door..

"John what are you doing, where are you going?" she yelled out as he stopped by the front door and spun around, staring at her hard..

"I'm going to set things straight" he slammed the door as she stood there and cried, things were about to get very bad, she ran to get Bella.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty Two

A few hours later...

Natalie had begun to pack her and Bella's things, she was an absolute nervous wreck as she thought about all the possible outcomes to this, none seemed good.. Bella was confused as she watched her mother grabbed a few of her things, shoving them in a bag..

"Mommy what is wrong, why are you crying, where is daddy?" Bella kept on saying but Natalie didn't have time to explain to her, what could she say anyway, Bella wouldn't understand that her father was probably going to come storming into the house any minute and tear them apart..

She had seen the look in Johns eye, he was enraged, she knew where he was headed, she just hoped and prayed she had enough time to get a few things packed before Jr came storming through that door...

She ran through the house like a lunatic, stopping at their lock box she damn near broke it open, grabbing all the cash inside which was a few grand, she would have to use that cause she couldn't use her credit cards, he could trace her that way, she would take Bella far far away from this madness, she knew the idea sounded insane but losing Bella was not an option..

She heard pounding on the door, she froze for a second but it wouldn't be Jr, he wouldn't knock, he had a key, she stood frozen, the door got kicked open and a yelp left her thoat and there stood a wild crazed eyed looking John covered in blood..

John looked at her, his heart racing, he looked at the bags on the floor, he grabbed them..

"Get Bella, were going" he said quickly as she stood there shocked.."NOW!" he yelled and she couldn't think all she could do was react..

"John what the hell is going on!" she yelled with fear, as she looked at him..

"damn it Natalie if there is any part of you that cares about me, any part then you will grab our little girl and get the hell out of here" he said wit a deadly kind of seriousness as he grabbed the bags and took off outside...

"Bella... BELLA!" she called out as Bella came running, looking confused as ever."Come on baby we have to go"

"Go? Where Mommy...Mommy where we going?" she could hear the fear in Bella's voice, but there was no time to explain, she picked her up quickly as John came back to the door, grabbing the rest of the bags, they looked at each other for a second, Natalie knew this couldn't be good, something horrible had happened but yet here she was jumping in a car with him..

"John" she said with fear as she put a now crying Bella in the car..

"we don't have time" he looked paranoid, he was,...sirens could be heard, her heart jumped, she knew that they were coming.."come on woman!" he yelled and she jumped into the car as he sped off driving like a total mad man, taking the back streets and alleys until they were out of Lanview and somewhat out of danger..

Neither of them said anything for awhile, Bella had fallen asleep after John had convinced her they were just getting ice cream, he hated that he lied to his little girl, but he had a little girl and that meant something, that was everything..

"John...john whats going on?" Natalie finally spoke knowing that Bella was sleeping in the back..

John looked to her then back at the road.."would you of just left without saying anything if I didn't show back up"

Natalie just stared straight forward, he sighed heavily.."thats great Natalie, you know thats just great"

"You went to go see Jr, didn't you... I couldn't wait to see what would happen, I cant lose her John" she tried to keep her voice down but she was damn upset..

"Well ive already lost 7 years, don't I get a say at all" he snapped then looked back to make sure Bella was still sleeping.."were just gonna drive to the border of Pennsylvania and then were going to switch cars, I have someone waiting there to give us new Id's, passports" he was grateful for his connections even though he never wanted a time like this to have to use them..

Natalie gulped, her heart about to explode.."Passports...Id's" she looked at Bella then it hit her..."Oh my god, were on the run... did you...did you kill him" she whispered as tears ran down her face and John kept staring forward, she looked at his blood soaked shirt, he glanced down at it too, then he quickly pulled it off, she gasped when she saw that some of the blood was his, a gunshot wound.."Oh my gawd" she had to cover her mouth to stop herself from screaming, she couldn't believe this was happening..

"I'm fine, its fine...its gonna be fine" he said quickly as he kept driving, he had to get them out of Pennsylvania, he had to get them out of the states and somewhere safe, he was in an awful lot of trouble, he hadn't expected it to turn out this way, he just went to talk to Jr, he wasn't expecting to find what he did, it enraged him..

_John had made his way through BCE, he was immediately greeted by a security guard.._

"Sir can I help you" the man asked and John tried to compose himself but inside he was fuming..

"I need to see Mr. Chandler" oh he needed to see him, he had many things he needed to say to that man..

"I'm sorry but do you have an appointment" the security guard began glancing at a large notebook..

"Listen, I don't but its very important" John began and the security guard began shaking his head..

"sorry, if you don't have an appointment" he began and John began to lose it, he grabbed the security guard by his collar, lifting him off the ground..

"I don't care about the fucking appointment book, im going to see him and im going to see him now" John threw the guy on the floor and he immediately began yelling..

"Back up..i need back up" the guy tried yelling into his walkie talkie and John ran over and kicked it from his hand, the guy reached for his gun but John already had his own out, pointing it at the guy..

"Your catching me on a bad day buddy" John gritted his teeth and the guy began to beg for his life, John shook his head as he looked at him.."get up...GET UP" John yelled as he held his gun on this guy who quickly got up.."throw the gun down or I swear to god I will blow your brains out" John was deadly serious, he wasn't playing, the guy apparently saw this and threw down his gun, John looked around quick, he saw what resembled a closet door.."get in..NOW" he yelled as he pointed the gun at this guy and he did just that and John immediately closed and locked the door behind him as he took off running for the stairs..

Natalie looked at John as he drove, he winced every once and awhile, he looked pale as a ghost and frightened.."How did this happen" she asked softly and he looked at her..

"the less you know the better" he said as he looked at her.."I thought you were going to fight me and not come" he began cause thats exactly what he kept thinking as he drove to her house erratically..

"what would you have done if I did" she asked honestly as she looked at him, he looked back at her, she stared at the road.." you wouldn't of given me a choice" she swallowed hard..

"i wouldn't of kidnapped you Natalie if thats what you mean" he looked at her again.."you know I would never hurt you" he glanced back at Bella.."or Bella" he looked back at the road..

"i know" she said low, tears in her eyes.."But your in trouble, a lot of trouble" she was terrified about what he had done and by the look in his eyes part of her didn't even want to know what that was..

"I'm gonna take care of it OK, once I get you and Bella safe" he said as he drove, and thats exactly what he planned on doing cause he would have the entire Lanview PD on his ass plus the entire Buchanan and Chandler associates, he fucked up, he knew that..

_He walked down the halls quickly, checking the doors as he did so, he could hear faint music playing in the background, it got louder, he followed it until he got to a huge double door, Adam Chandler Jr CEO and Co-President written on the door, he reached for the handle, opening the door, not expecting to see what he did cause there on what had to be Jr's desk was some young girl, probably a secretary, bent over, her dress over her ass as Jr fucked her from behind.._

"You like that you fucking whore" Jr grunted as the girl moaned into the room, John just stood and watched for a second, he saw red, that son of a bitch was cheating on Natalie, he thought back to the bruise on Natalie's arm, he got infuriated even more, especially since that was the same fucking mouth that was kissing his daughter good night.."what the fuck!" Jr yelled as he glanced to the door and saw John standing there, he pulled out of the now stunned girl who was trying to fix her dress.."who the fuck are you"

John began walking nonchalantly towards him.."Your worst fucking nightmare" John said calmly as he quickly pulled out his gun and the girl screamed loud.."so this is the shit you do when your wife is sitting at home" John was beyond pissed but his voice remained deadly calm..

"what the fuck man" Jr pulled up his pants quickly, John steadied his gun..

"don't fucking move" he lowered the gun at Jr's crotch..

"OK OK...im not..." Jr began to panic as he put his hands up, the girl was now crying and whimpering..

"does it make you feel like a man to disrespect your wife...DOES IT!" John yelled as Jr jumped and began to back up.."don't fucking move"

"Listen,...i...i don't know what you want OK,...just tell me, we can make an arrangement" Jr began to try and reason with this crazed looking man..

John couldn't help but laugh as he looked at this punk, he was scared to death, shaking, it was ironic, John moved closer to him.."why even keep her around, why even waste her time, just so you have someone to push around, is that it!"

"listen man...its just work...come on...im not the first man in the world to cheat on their spouse" Jr said quickly, his voice shaking.."I can give you money OK..i have a lot of it"

John laughed some more.."I don't want your fucking money"

"what do you want then man...what do you want" Jr began to plead with him as John moved closer, just merely feet from him.."Your him, your McBain" Jr said with a sudden realization as he looked at John..

"tell me about your family Jr" John said as he held the gun on him.."tell me about your wife, your daughter" John gritted his teeth as he looked at this guy..

"My family?" Jr said with confusion..

"do you not understand why I am saying, HUH!" John yelled..

"OK OK... Natalie...Natalie is ummmm" he began as a voice was heard by the door, a frantic one as it caught them both off guard..

"Jr we have a problem, John is in Lanview!" Clint yelled and immediately stopped and John felt a fist come down on the back of his head as everything went black..

John snapped out of his thoughts as he drove, Natalie just watched him, she kept her eye on his wound.."You really need to get this checked out" she said with concern, he looked at her..

"its fine, I will take care of it when we get somewhere safe" he knew exactly where he was taking them, it was a cabin up in upstate New York, it was his brothers family cabin, one that rarely got used, they would stay there for a few days while John figured things out and got them on a flight out of the states.."I'm not going to let anything happen to you two" John said low as he glanced into the back again.."we will be there soon"

Natalie sat back in the car, she had a million and one questions she needed answered, she was scared but she wasn't scared of John, she knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was so afraid of what he had done..

_John groaned as he grabbed his head, he was on the floor now, he could see Jr and Clint talking a few feet away.._

"You said you had it taken care of as soon as you found him sniffing around back in New York" Jr began as he paced..

"i tried, I even quieted his buddy at the PD, I didn't think he would be stupid enough to come here" Clint looked at him smugly.."You should of just minded your own business mcbain, this is my town, my family!" John felt a kick to the gut by Clint's big boots, he groaned in pain..

"Clint this is becoming a huge problem, I told you I should of just went with Jessica, she was the reasonable choice" Jr yelled..

"NO way! The deal was Natalie, she already had the bastard child...no thanks to you mcbain, like mother like daughter" Clint yelled sarcastically..

John couldn't believe what he was witnessing, it infuriated him even more to listen to them..

"Bella would have been fine... I told you we should of just had Natalie locked away, I told you she was gonna be a fucking problem but No you wouldn't listen to me, you still felt the need to save your daughter" Jr yelled..

"I thought she would just adapt and accept being a Buchanan, but she had to be like her mother, she just couldn't stop being a fucking rebel, she had to do things her way, I should of just left her in New York City to rot after I took care of Roxy" Clint snarled and Johns eyes got wide.."oh is this news to you McBain, with all your sniffing around you didn't see this coming" Clint laughed as he looked at John..

"he looks upset, I think he may cry" Jr began to laugh as he looked at John... "how does it feel to know that Bella is gonna grow up being a chandler, her mother is gonna get locked away for being a crazy fucking bat and Bella will follow in my footsteps" Jr laughed and John saw red, he reacted at the right moment, kicking Jr's legs right out from under him as he tackled Clint down to the ground..

Natalie stared out the window of the car.."I should of told you about Bella" she said softly as he finally looked at her..

"i shouldn't of let Bo scare me out of town, I should have been a man about it and stood for what I believed in" he reached over and touched her hand, she was shocked by his words, Bo had ordered him to leave?.."im sorry I left you, im sorry I left Bella, im so sorry for so many things"

Natalie felt the tears well up in her eyes, it almost seemed better to her knowing that her uncle made him leave, she knew how Bo was, she knew how intimidating he was..

"I love you Natalie, I love our little girl and I am going to make this right for us, I promise you" he stroked her hand with his as they drove..

_John struggled with Clint on the ground as Jr jumped on top of him, a gunshot went off, John wrestled Clint for the gun as his side began burning, he was hit, his hands clasped around the trigger, another shot went off, Clint lay limp as Jr began to run towards the door, John aimed and fired as he watched Jr fall to the ground.._

John blinked back the sound of the gun shots in his head as he drove, he was so scared he wasn't going to get to Natalie and Bella in time, but they were safe, he would make sure they stayed that way, no matter what!


End file.
